Wednesday One-Liner Repeats Itself

Lady to foreign friend: These 13 circles have the names of the original colonies from when Columbus landed in America.

–Conservatory Garden, 105th & 5th

Teenage girl to friend: But Trotsky was totally doing Lenin, you can't deny it.

–1 Train

Friend in elevator showing old photos from Rome: There's the Colosseum. You know. Where the lions and the Catholics had their thing.

–7th & 31st

Overheard by: Greg

Teenage boy to another: Y'know what I'd like to see? Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage fight.

–6th Ave & 54th St

Overheard by: Dale

Posted on March 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, History & Geography, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, On the Subway, One-liners, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Upper East Side, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Lindsay-Lohaners

Gay guy, angrily looking at woman eating sausages: And that is why I hate lesbians!

–Gay Pride Parade

Man on cell: I went to San Francisco last month to find me a lesbian girlfriend.

–Big Apple BBQ

Overheard by: skibs

Angry lady to another: Why would I have sex with another woman?

–Greenwich Village

Hobo on platform: Men… do not have sex with women! Any man who has sex with a woman should be arrested. Women do not like sex–women are all lesbians!

–7 Train

Crazy hobo to young girls on bench: You girls are a box full of lesbians!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Daphne

Posted on March 10, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Hobos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, The Village, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

How Kids Learn to Offer Bribes

Little boy, whispering to brother: That's a cop. He can arrest people.
(brother starts tickling little boy)
Little boy: Arrest him! Arrest him!
Cop: Sorry, kid. I'm off duty.

–5 Train

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on March 9, 2010
Brothers, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Kids, On the Subway

Thomas Dolby: Science!

Child to father, on a sunny day on the train: Daddy, the train is moving, so how come the sun doesn't move at all?
Father, sounding sure of himself: That's cuz the sun moves so fast that it looks like it's not moving at all.

–F Train

Overheard by: GD

Posted on March 9, 2010
Astronomy, Dads, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Science

Twilight?

Woman, approaching stranger on train: What are you reading?
Older man: (points to his book)
Woman, pointing to name: It says “Joyce”!
Older man: Oh, yeah it does.
Woman: I read a book.
Older man: Oh really? What was it?
Woman: It was a girly book.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Natalie

Posted on March 8, 2010
Books & Writing, Names, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Women

I Try to Stay Hep to the Jive

50-something rugged man to book-reading lady: Oh, hey! Great to see you reading a book. You know everyone these days is reading a twatter.
Book-reading lady: Thanks? (exits train)

–E Train

Posted on March 8, 2010
Books & Writing, Licking, Men, On the Subway, Women

Like Drinking a Bootful Of Warm Spit

Automated conductor: This is 30th Avenue. The next stop is Astoria Boulevard.
Guy exiting train: More like Astoria bore-levard.
(stranger nearby snickers)
Guy: Am I right? C'mon lady, I just changed your life with that statement.

–N Train

Posted on March 7, 2010
Conductors, Directions, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Strangers, Words

We'd Like to Thank Wednesday One-Liner for This Emmy

Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.

–R Train

Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: melissa

Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.

–Union Square

Overheard by: smoking on the stoop

Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.

–17th St & Broadway

Posted on March 3, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Christians, Compare/Contrast, Computer, Crazies, Education, Fat People, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Hobos, Jesus, Jobs & Careers, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Science, Street, Stupidity, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

In the Meantime, Practice with This Candy Bracelet.

Little boy, staring at ad where woman bites necklace off another woman: Ew! That's gross!
Mom: Let me know if you still feel that way in 10 years.

–D Train

Overheard by: Catherine

Posted on March 1, 2010
Age/Aging, Fashion, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Violence

At Least This One Didn't Point a Finger in My Face and Say, “You're Doomed! Doomed!!”

Lost Russian woman: Excuse me, does this stop at Pring Street?
Teenager: What? Oh, you mean “Spring Street.” Yeah. Just stay on the train.
(woman walks away)
Teenager to friend: What the fuck? That's like the third one this week! Am I like an old Russian woman magnet or something?

–N Train

Posted on February 28, 2010
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Directions, Foreigners, Friends, Insults, Names, On the Subway, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Questions, Teens

On the Subway