Mom: No, I’m going to tell you that it’s time to switch to the 1 train now.
Little girl: Nooo. I don’t want to switch to the 1 train. Nooo!
Mom: Oh, I know, switching to the 1 train is sooo dramatic.
Girl: It is dramatic! The 1 train is dramatic! All trains are dramatic!
–A train, 59th St
Overheard by: dallas
Mother: Bitches, get your asses over here!
Son #1: There’s no seats.
Mother: There’s one right here next to me.
Son #2: I wanna sit next to him.
Mother: I said, motherfuckers, get your asses over here. I don’t want to sit by myself.
Son #1: There’s nowhere to sit!
Mother: I said, get over here. I don’t want to sit by myself. I don’t know no one over here!
Older woman: Don’t no one make friends with her.
–A train
Overheard by: Rehey
Guy: Why the fuck are you dating Jimmy?
Girl: ‘Cause he’s sweet and nice, unlike you.
Guy: But he’s Chinese.
Girl: So? Are you racist or something?
Guy: Nah… but Chinese dudes got some small-ass hamster dicks. I know he ain’t hittin’ that right.
–F train
Overheard by: Tupac
Conductor on loudspeaker: Release the doors. Release the doors now!
Crazy guy, screaming: Release my nuts on your face!
–Queens bound E train
Overheard by: I hope its not my face
Hipster: I love my iPod. If you try to take my iPod, I’ll take your life… and give it to somebody.
Sidekick: Yeah?
Hipster: Yeah, I love my iPod. It plays what I want to hear and tells time. If I’m gonna marry anybody, I’ll marry my iPod.
Sidekick: Yeah?
Hipster: Yeah. I’ll even put one of those little pink jacket things on it, so it’ll at least look like a girl.
Sidekick: Yeah.
–N train
Overheard by: britt
Aspiring entrepreneur: So what should I do for Mike for his 21st?
Brainiac: Well, just make him an ID so you guys can go out at least.
Aspiring entrepreneur: Um…
–7 train
Little boy: Why are some roaches just roaches and others are cockroaches?
Older sister: Because the roaches with a cock in the front are meaner and nastier.
Little boy: Oh.
–A train, 86th St
Overheard by: Prefers the latter
Hispanic woman: I love you Chinese people. You don’t gain weight like us Americans. It must be some secret Chinese roots you eat.
Young Asian girl: [Stares quizzically]Hispanic woman: You people even have all fried food and the sauce, but you stay so skinny. I love Chinese food, but it make me fat. Why it doesn’t make you people fat? It is a Chinese secret; tell me it.
Young Asian girl: I’m actually of Japanese descent, and my family has lived in Jersey since the 1920’s.
Hispanic woman: But you still skinny.
–7 train, 5th Ave/Bryant Park
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Teacher #1: So I decided what my big job switch will be in a couple of years.
Teacher #2: What?
Teacher #1: I’m going to be a party planner. Or, someone on the set of a TV show.
Teacher #2: Huh?
Teacher #1: Well, I was watching Rachael Ray the other day, and the camera pulled back, and there was this girl with a headset.
Teacher #2: Yeah?
Teacher #1: And that’s what I want to do. I mean, teaching’s nice, but you don’t really get to interact with anybody, right? It’s just us. And the kids.
Teacher #2: Right.
Teacher #1: Oh, God, when will this train get there? I want to start drinking!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Guy #1: You know, I wish I could have sex with two girls, so I can eat two pussies at the same time.
Guy #2: Why don’t you just do what I did? Have sex with a really fat girl so you can have one massive pussy to eat out from.
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: Naidababy
