Why Spending More Money Will Not Improve Education

Teacher #1: So I decided what my big job switch will be in a couple of years.
Teacher #2: What?
Teacher #1: I’m going to be a party planner. Or, someone on the set of a TV show.
Teacher #2: Huh?
Teacher #1: Well, I was watching Rachael Ray the other day, and the camera pulled back, and there was this girl with a headset.
Teacher #2: Yeah?
Teacher #1: And that’s what I want to do. I mean, teaching’s nice, but you don’t really get to interact with anybody, right? It’s just us. And the kids.
Teacher #2: Right.
Teacher #1: Oh, God, when will this train get there? I want to start drinking!

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on September 7, 2006
Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Elementary & Middle School, On the Subway

Ideally, There Would Be an Echo

Guy #1: You know, I wish I could have sex with two girls, so I can eat two pussies at the same time.
Guy #2: Why don’t you just do what I did? Have sex with a really fat girl so you can have one massive pussy to eat out from.

–Uptown A train

Overheard by: Naidababy

Posted on September 5, 2006
Diet/Weight, Eating Out, Fat People, On the Subway, Sex, Three is Company, Vagina

Trevor Had Heard Tales About People Caught North of 110th After Dark

Man, waking up: What stop is this?
Fellow passenger: 125th Street
Man: What time is it?!
Fellow passenger: 8 o’clock.
Man: Oh dear God! [Runs off train]

–Uptown A train, 125th St

Posted on September 4, 2006
Men, On the Subway, People, Places, Topics

I’m Gonna Go With Both, Just to Be Sure

Ghetto girl #1: So I was all, “As if,” and she was all, “Whatever!”
Ghetto girl #2: Yo, dat’s some fucked up shit.
Ghetto girl #1: So when I got home, I totally unfriended her on MySpace.
Ghetto girl #2: I’ma hafta smack dat bitch up, fo’ realz!
Ghetto girl #1: Oh, just unfriend her! She’d hate that even more!

–S train

Overheard by: Joe Jervis

Posted on September 4, 2006
Bitch-slap, Friendship, Ghetto Chicks, Internet, On the Subway, Violence

Wait a Minute…Katrina!

Man: So I’ve always kind of wondered…You know how ants are so small, we’re probably too big to be completely perceived and understood by them? I always wondered if there were beings that were so large they were beyond our capabilities of perception and comprehension.
Blonde: That, like, totally doesn’t make any sense.
Man: Why not?
Blonde: ‘Cause, like, when it rained on them, then we’d get washed away. Duh.

–6 train

Posted on September 2, 2006
Bimbettes, On the Subway, Philosophy, Stupidity

Sounds Like Protesting Too Much

Chick #1: Blowjobs, yeah, it takes practice. After you do it three or four times you get the hang of it.
Chick #2: Have you ever done black?
Chick #3: No, but it’s so disgusting. Just imagine a black…thing in your mouth. Eww.
Chick #1: It is pretty nasty. It must taste really bad, too.

–Uptown F train

Overheard by: Ting

Posted on September 1, 2006
BJs, Friends, Insults, On the Subway, Race

Wednesday One-Liners Are in a Flaming Bag on Your Porch

Dude: It’s all right to be self-conscious about your feces.

–L train

Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed

Tourist: On the farm, manure smells pretty good. But in the city it just smells like horse shit.

–Horse carriages, Central Park South & 5th Ave

Man to his dog: Damn, nigga, you betta hurry up an’ shit already. I got places to be!

–112th & Amsterdam

Hipster guy: The park is open for pooping!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: I went at home

Techie on cell: Yeah, you got it: I’m going to troubleshoot the crap out of it. Yeah, you heard me: troubleshoot the crap!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon

Dude: All the toilet paper in here is shitty!

–Duane Reade, 70th & Broadway

Overheard by: Yesenia

8-year-old girl: Let’s play poo-poo!

–Green St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: twelvis

Posted on August 30, 2006
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, People, Places, Poop, Should've Used a Condom, The Village, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Have Gender Trouble

Old Jewess on cell: Carla is going to be there, too…You’ve met Carla…You met her the other week. She was the one with the penis.

–77th & 2nd

Overheard by: Joseph

Considerate guy: Hey, man, don’t burst his bubble. If it ain’t a man, it ain’t a man.

–Outside 10th Precinct, W 20th St

Voice on intercom: Sir, that’s the women’s restroom. Sir…Sir…Stop!

–Times Square

Drunk guy: Well, it was either a real ugly woman or a guy with man-boobs.

–F train

Drunk dude to girl: Wow, you’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen.

–Women’s bathroom, Saloon, 83rd & York

Overheard by: Aaron

Little girl, staring at the Statue of Liberty: Who’s he supposed to be?

–Circle Line

Overheard by: emily

Young guy: …so, technically, I’m lactating. Technically.

–Central Park

Posted on August 30, 2006
Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Jews, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Penis, People, Places, Poop, Private Parts, Rack, Stall Spies, Times Square, Tourist Attractions, Upper East Side, Venues

They Allow Me to Forget My Children

Hobo: Please, anything. Anything will help. I need to feed my children.
Male passenger: I got some cookies.
Hobo: Yum! I love cookies.

–6 train, 23rd & Lex

Posted on August 28, 2006
Food, Hobos, Kids, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway

Stereotype Showdown!

A bunch of Asian people get on the train.

Black teen boy #1: Whoa, shit! Half of China up in here!
Black teen boy #2: No shit, man. We better represent!
Black teen girl: I’ma get out my phone, be like, “Where my nigga Shaneequa at?”

–3 train, 116th St/Lenox Ave

Overheard by: quiubomona

Posted on August 28, 2006
Black People, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, Teens

On the Subway