Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Subway Sandwiches

Lost-looking chick on cell: Why do they always fuck with the trains on weekends? Don't they know there are stoned people trying to get home?

–Subway Platform, Grand Central

Overheard by: Poogtastic

Loudspeaker dispatcher lady: Hey you! Uptown number 5! You better stop sticking your head out the window and answer me on the radio!

–Uptown 4,5,6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Elegant gentleman, as train starts to depart station: Oh, I didn't realize the train was going to move.

–Crowded Uptown 1 Train

MTA announcement: The uptown 1 train is running.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Krisztina

Dispatcher: The arriving train will be the next train. The arriving train will be the next train.

–G Train, Court Square

Overheard by: Katrink

Old man: I'm coming, train. I'm coming. I'm coming, train, you son of a bitch bastard!

–6 Train

Posted on November 25, 2018
Girls, Grand Central, Home, Sweet Home, Idiots, Insults, Men, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stoners, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

For the Last Time, That Was a Sarcophagus

Dad: What was your favorite part of the museum?
Smart looking four-year-old in glasses: The water slide.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Loen

Posted on November 21, 2018
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Kids, On the Subway, Questions, Visual Art

Do You Want to Go to Military School?

Baby: Hop gla blah blah.
Mother: Stop it, or I'll leave you on this train!

–E Train

Posted on November 20, 2018
Kids, Language Barrier, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Threats

When I Get My Holocaust Gold Back, Then We'll Talk

Asian yuppie: Plus, I wanna know when I'm going to get my share of those statues!
Jewish hipster: Just because you look like the Qin emperor doesn't mean you deserve to get his stuff.
Asian yuppie: Well, if not me, then who?

–1 Train

Posted on November 14, 2018
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Asians, Hipsters, History & Geography, Jews, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Yuppies

Hey, Kiss My Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!

–8th Ave & W 55th St

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.

–Uptown 6 train

Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.

–NYU

Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds

Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?

–43rd & Lex

Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.

–Washington Heights

Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!

–115th St & Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Melissa Berry

Posted on November 11, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Canadians, College, Dancing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Eating Out, Fighting and ass kicking, Ghetto Chicks, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Manhattan, Marriage, Menstruation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, People, Pick-up Lines, Places, Private Parts, School, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Topics, Vagina

Dear Dan Savage…

Teen #1: That's nasty, dude, she had strep throat last week. If you made out with her, you're totally gonna get strep throat.
Teen #2: Oh, fuck…can somebody get strep dick?

–N Train

Overheard by: -bill

Posted on November 6, 2018
Dating, Illness, On the Subway, Penis, STDs, Teens

Meyers-Briggs Questions That Didn’t Make It

Gucci girl #1: Okay, let’s play ‘Would You Rather?’!
Gucci girl #2: Okay.
Gucci girl #1: Would you rather… be an auto mechanic or… die of breast cancer?

–F train

Overheard by: My sister

Posted on November 2, 2018
Bimbettes, On the Subway, Questions

Odds Are, Someone Has a Machete in Their Pocket

Conductor: You keep holdin’ those doors open, I’ll put this train out of service, then you’ll be walkin’ home!
[Several minutes later, a man is still trying to open the doors with his foot.]Passenger: Yo! Somebody please cut that man’s foot off!

–G Train

Overheard by: Johnny Salami

Posted on October 27, 2018
Body Parts, Default, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Threats, Violence

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Woman in her 50s: “She used to drink on weekends, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And then she got scared she was going to start drinking Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. So she went to AA and hasn’t touched a drop since, she’s a sponsor too. That was 15 years ago. Now she’s 33 and she went back to school. She just became a paralegal and makes $950 a month. She didn’t want to be one of those low people.”

–W Train

Posted on October 25, 2018
Age/Aging, Drinking & Drunk People, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Women

Now Here’s a Tissue. You’re About to Sneeze

Brunette: I really need to have sex.
Blonde: Well you better do it soon because you’re getting your period on Wednesday.
[long pause.]Brunette: We spend too much time together.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky

Posted on October 22, 2018
Default, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Menstruation, On the Subway, Sex, Time, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

On the Subway