20-something girl #1: I need to go on a diet.
20-something girl #2: Why? You look fine.
20-something girl #1: Because that tranny over there has a dick and looks better in a dress than I do.
–Manhattan Ave & 110th St
20-something girl #1: I need to go on a diet.
20-something girl #2: Why? You look fine.
20-something girl #1: Because that tranny over there has a dick and looks better in a dress than I do.
–Manhattan Ave & 110th St
Buff guy #1: So she was like “I wanna suck you.”
Buff guy #2: Wait…like your dick, suck you, or something else?
–F Train
Scared tourist #1, whispering: Did that crazy guy just say his dick was bigger than my heart?
Scared tourist #2, whispering back: I think he said his dick was bigger than yours.
Crazy guy: I said my dick is bigger than your heart.
–A train
Overheard by: Mike
Black man: I can never watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awkwardly erotic thing I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of food and female.
–Pratt Coffee Shop, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Maryrose
Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: "and that's the history of ham"!
–Queens
Overheard by: alex
Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray's for hot dogs with you, but I can't. I gave up tubed meat for lent.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Caroline
Cute teen girl: It'd be like a floppy bag of meat… (pause) I'm not talking about dick!
–Starbucks
Woman placing drive-thru order: And two junior bacon cheeseburgers. Actually, I don't want the bacon. I don't want to get the swine flu.
–Wendy's Drivethru, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Oh the Pig-manity!
Upset Orthodox Jew mother to baby in stroller: Bacon!? Who told you about bacon!?
–West End & West 100th St
Chick: I should start going to gay bars. I’m tired of going to all these straight bars where guys feel free to rub their penis all over your ass.
–Zabar’s, Broadway & 80th St.
Overheard by: Basil
Woman: Honestly, I wonder what she ended up doing with a 3 foot, papier-mache penis.
–Broadway/Lafayette station
Overheard by: Jaya
Guy: I don’t want to live in a building that undulates!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Derek
Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"
–Fulton St
Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!
–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn
Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.
–Downtown 2 Train
Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!
–10th & 53rd
Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.
–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Bryan Bruner
Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.
–Metro-North Rail Tracks
Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice
Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!
–Broadway
Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez
Teen girl #1: It is, like, impossible to get laid with a dick that’s too large.
Teen girl #2: Like, seriously — 12 inches? You would rupture something.
Teen boy: It would be something out of Alien.
Teen girl #2: Just a huge black thing coming out of your stomach.
–1 train
Obviously gay guy: But I'm not gay.
Slightly less gay friend: Yes you are.
Obviously gay guy: No, it's not about the male genitalia. It's about finding someone who fits me like a puzzle piece.
Slightly less gay friend: Who just happens to have a penis.
Obviously gay guy: Yeah.
Slightly less gay friend: Mmm-hmm.
–Roxy, Times Square
Overheard by: Token
Girl #1: So I started giving him head…
Girl #2: Nasty!
Girl #1: Nah, I love dick.
–2nd Ave & 12st St
Overheard by: Jackson
Woman #1: Wait, it had to be at least six inches, right?
Woman #2: Six inches?! Six inches?! Puh-lease… I wish! I could work with six inches. Hell, give me six inches, I could make balloon animals with that. Nah — this was more like two.
–95th & Broadway
