Wednesday One-Liners Didn't Mean It Like That

Mother to two-year old son: Zachary, I am not continuing this discussion with you all day long! If you don't like what's in your mouth, just spit it out!

–Dunkin' Donuts

Nerdy Jewish Barnard girl on cell: I can just imagine it in my mouth, the taste of it.

–116th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sully

Young boy running with soaked t-shirt: I need to be squirted! Somebody has to squirt me!

–89th St

Father to young daughter: Want me to squirt it in your mouth?

–Astoria

Overheard by: Mark

Foxy Fox news producer to another: I know you wanted something hard, so I slipped you Shively!

–Starbucks

Posted on November 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, BJs, Body Parts, Columbia University, Coworkers, Dads, Jews, Kids, Moms, Nerds, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Orgasm, Parents, Penis, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Starbucks, Students, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liner Is Performance

20-something woman on cell: So I'm like, "Be a man and go in the ladies' room!"

–19th & 7th

Overheard by: tycho anomaly

40-something suit on cell: Why do I have to be the girl?

–University Place & 14th St

Overheard by: rich

Meathead: To the point where the hottest women in Thailand are men. But I mean, no homo or anything.

–Uptown 5 Train

Overheard by: Can't vouch for this

Woman on cell: So yeah, men and women are different. Anyway…

–High Line Park

Overheard by: hudson williams-eynon

Guy, looking at friend's iPhone: Ugh, I really didn't need to see shemale penis today.

–99 Below Restaurant

Overheard by: Calvin SC

Posted on November 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, iPod, Meatheads, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Street, Suits, The Village, Trannies, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

What Is It About a Loser in a Bandana?

20-something dude with lame Bret Michaels bandana: Come on babe, let me walk you home. Actually, fuck it, come over and watch a movie with me, I got some beer.
Unattractive older blonde: Nah, can't, I've got work in the morning, and I'm already wasted.
20-something dude with lame Bret Michaels bandana: Aw, you know I'll get you up as early as you need to get to work on time. You know I will. Plus, I'm pretty drunk, but I'm your cousin, so you don't even have to worry that I'll try to stick my wiener in you!
Unattractive older blonde: Well, alright.

–Grassroots Tavern, East Village

Posted on November 10, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, Penis, Sex, Union Square and East Village

Some Lengthy Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell walking dog: What? But doesn't she know how big my Johnson is?

–Mott Street

Overheard by: Erica

20-something male, while passing sculpture of male nude: I don't get it. If you're going to make it with a dick, why make it so small?

–Time Warner Center

Overheard by: sd

Short Indian man, loudly into phone: All I wanna do is make love to you tonight… with my 11-inch cock!

–7th Ave & 35th St

Overheard by: Jenn B

Drunk guy, after fighting with girlfriend: How she gon' be mad at me 'cause I got a big dick?

–F Train

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Height, India Indians, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sex, Street, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

That Chick Is Way Too Cocky

Wide-eyed girl, alarmed: I can't believe she mentioned his dick in front of you.
Girl in mourning clothes: I know. It's one thing if she mentioned…
Both, in unison: Her dick.

–Tompkins Ave & Hylan Boulevard

Posted on November 2, 2009
Gender issues, Girls, Penis, Sexuality, Staten Island

You There in the Back Row — This Means You.

Student, referring to pinus: Wait, does that actually mean “penis”?
Latin teacher: No. But once I made a joke about penises in a paper in college and my teacher wrote, “never do this”.
(class laughs)
Latin teacher: So guys, don't play with your penises!

–Bard High School Early College

Overheard by: Theseus

Posted on October 31, 2009
Classroom, College, Education, Languages, Laughter, Penis, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors, Words

I Know That, but My Penis Doesn't

Guy on cell: Dude, I am so gonna punish that pussy.
Girl sitting next to him, texting: You know you have a small penis, right?

–L Train

Overheard by: Caged Monkey

Posted on October 30, 2009
Comebacks, Girls, Guys, Height, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Make Your Eyes Water

Young man to another: And I was like, "No, man. A girl ain't supposed to smell like that, yo."

–Broadway & 37th St

Overheard by: glm

Loud Long Island woman to drunk friends: Yeah, I got really used to that smell once he came back from Nepal…

–LIRR

Guy to girl: I don't want to bring home a girl who smells like urine.

–36th & 5th

Hipster 20-something to preteen sister: This does not smell like Costa Rica! (pauses, as though to make sure) 14th Street in New York City does not smell like Costa Rica!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: David

Man complaining to friend: If she does that one more time… I mean, if that bitch comes home one more time with her breath smelling like some other guy's dick, I swear to fucking god… I'll leave her.

–Times Square

Overheard by: drekdude