Rushing lady: Hold that train! Hold that train!
(conductor waits until she's on board)
Fellow commuter: That works?!
–6 Train
Overheard by: wikigreenwood
Rushing lady: Hold that train! Hold that train!
(conductor waits until she's on board)
Fellow commuter: That works?!
–6 Train
Overheard by: wikigreenwood
Girl #1: We're waiting for a friend and then we're going to take the train home.
Guy: Oh, where do you live?
Girl #1: Westchester.
Girl #2: Dammit *Britney*, stop telling people that!
–49th b/w 8th & 9th
Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them.
–7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn
Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Tess
Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed!
–45th & 9th
Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation…
–Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens
Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA!
–R Train
Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll
Preppy guy on cell: Where are you?…Malcolm X Boulevard & what?…Jesus. Find someone who looks nice and ask how to get to the 6 train…no, not a white person a nice person…well, a nice white person would be ideal…okay, call me back.
–86th & Lex
Station agent, fighting with tourist woman over use of unlimited MetroCard: One person! One person only!
Tourist woman: I am only one person!
–W 103rd St
Well dressed party-goer: No, like, I went to Princeton -we lied all the time.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Cuny Graduate
Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I gotta go. My mom’s calling. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pocket.]
–Wagner College, Staten Island
Overheard by: Squiggs
Woman on cell: I just don’t understand why he got so freaked out about it. I said "I love you" -big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean anything. I could have been lying. I was lying, for Christ’s sake.
–L Train
Crazy hobo: Hillary Clinton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been married for 28 years and she won’t admit to it. Liar. Afraid of integration, that’s Hillary.
–E Train
Overheard by: Liz Beaux
Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, honey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the other line.] Hey buddy! How’s it going!
–125th St. Subway platform
Overheard by: EthanK
Twentysomething player on cell, picking fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to Forest Hills to get my haircut.
–N Train
Overheard by: john
Guy on cell: Most people lie to get out of jury duty and here I am being honest about NAMBLA.
–73rd & 2nd
Overheard by: melissa
Principal, over PA system: Attention: We are testing out the PA system. If you don't hear this, please call the office.
–Public School
Announcer on 6 train (which was being held at the station): Attention ladies and gentlemen. (pause) Does this thing even work?
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Your Mom
Cop, over megaphone from patrol car: Attention people in the park, we think you are all drunk. Whether legally or illegally, please, vacate the area. (a few minutes later, after driving around the fountain) People in the fountain, don't think we can't see you…don't use stargazing as your excuse because there's too much light pollution!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: In the fountain
Conductor over PA: Attention passengers. Acts of pugilism are not allowed on this train.
(two minutes later) Attention passengers. This is just a reminder that acts of fornication or fellatio are not allowed on this train.
–Post Midnight Drunk Train, LIRR
Overheard by: Rob T Firefly
Nervous voice on building PA system: Can I have your attention, please? Can I have your attention, please? Please disregard this message.
–Third Ave & b/w 50th & 51st
Conductor: Attention! You’ve boarded the ghetto express. Next stop, Deep Ghetto. If you’re trying to go to any of the Ghetto Light areas, please transfer at this stop for the Ghetto Local. Thank you!
–5 train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Silvy
Conductor: This is Fifth Avenue. Transfer here for… Aw, hell, there ain’t no transfer here. Get in the damn train.
–E train from JFK, around 5th Ave
Overheard by: ntrprnr
Conductor: Okay everyone, we’re going to evacuate the train now. Just stay calm. This isn’t the Titanic. I repeat, this is not the Titanic.
–Acela, to NYC
Overheard by: The Titanic was on-time
Conductor: Board the train so the doors can close. [Girls slowly shuffle around doors.] You must physically board the train to ride. The platform does not move.
–LIRR
Overheard by: NCtransplantGirl
Conductor, very politely: Ladies and gentlemen, please stand clear of the closing doors so this train can leave the station. Thank you. [Later, not as politely] Sir, maybe the fact that you have to hold on to the outside of the car to stay inside is a sign that you should wait for the next train!
–Crowded Bronx-bound 6 train
Overheard by: Chris
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t really care if we pull up to the station and your car door doesn’t open. If you don’t listen, I don’t really care. Not my problem anymore, folks! I said it once and I ain’t saying it again!
–LIRR, Jamaica station
Overheard by: commuter
Conductor: Y’all, these suckahs gon’ be on this train for hours!
–1 train
Man on cell: What did I do to you? I bought you a house and you don’t even wanna live in it!
–F Train
Overheard by: LC
Conductor, over intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, this train is overbooked. That’s just the way things are. Life is unfair.
–Amtrak Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit: There was a time in my life when I would have never tired of hearing the word "vagina". That time has passed.
–Staten Island Supreme Court
Conductor: Watch your step as you exit the train, and if you’re late, just remember that life is a lot like being on this train: we may not be there yet, but we’re getting there.
–2 Train
Overheard by: can this conductor drive my train every day please?
Adopted boy on PlayStation to gay father: Why can't we just get on this next bus?
Gay father: Noah, I told you, this bus doesn't go to where we want to go. Do you want to go stay at someone else's house? (under his breath) I'd like to send you to someone else's house…
Adopted boy: Ugh, well, how long do we have to wait?
Gay father: Until the next bus! C'mon, let's go wait in Hooters.
–Hampton Jitney, Queens
Overheard by: sarah
