Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too!
–Wagner College
Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks.
–Winter Garden Theatre
Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Sunny
Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone!
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: David
Gay guy #1: We should get tickets to a musical in April.
Gay guy #2: I don't like musicals.
Gay guy #1: What?
Gay guy #2: I don't like plays.
Gay guy #1: Gay.
–Barnard College
Ghetto queer, mocking ghetto chick: ‘It’s been so nice seeing you again…’
Ghetto chick: You know, I’ve been friends with him for so long, but something about seeing him today was just so… different. I guess maybe his essence was just too big for a MySpace page.
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Has been waiting for this.
Sorority girl #1: No, really, tanning is, like, my downfall.
Queer: Please, how often can you possibly tan?
Sorority girl #1: Constantly. I’m, like, a certified tanaholic. It’s a real problem. Hey! Heather! What would you say my biggest addiction is?
Sorority girl #2: Um, I dunno…coke?
Awkward silence ensues.
–27th & Madison
Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days.
–3rd between B & C
Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience.
–124th & Manhattan
Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer
Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Squatporpoise
Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys.
–NYU School of social work
Overheard by: Maggie
Very gay guy #1: What are you doing now?
Very gay guy #2: I'm heading home. My ex-wife is meeting me there to sign the divorce papers. She doesn't even know I'm gay yet.
–Spring & Broadway
Guy #1: He left me yesterday.
Guy #2: What a cock sucker.
–E 2nd St & Gravesend Neck Rd
Homo #1: Look, I'm just saying that if you still loved me, you'd stop talking to your ex so much.
Homo #2: Hold on. Please, I'm talking on the phone.
Homo #1: Look, if you don't shut your mouth I will fuck it!
–6 Train
Bartender: This is so weird, but you just can’t tell anyone. I don’t know what to do about Fred*. I had a few people over on Friday, and when everyone left my pants were missing. So I had everyone over again on Sunday, and I left the drawer with my pants closed. He goes to the bathroom and comes back with a huge bulge in his trousers, and my drawer is open and I am missing a pair of pants.
Waitress: So what are you gonna do?
Bartender: From now on I only buy skirts.
–Nation, 45th & 5th
Overheard by: Barely swallowed my drink
Marketing girl: Would you like to try a new perfume? It's for you and your pet!
–Bryant Park, Outside Fashion Week Tents
Overheard by: jycho
Girl: I told my mom that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Yesterday she sent me an e-mail with a link to petfinder.com.
–Student Center, Barnard
Overheard by: Kristine
Man trying to sell comedy club tickets: Cheaper than an abortion! More entertaining than the crucifixion! More fun than euthanizing your pets!
–50th Ave & Broadway
Overheard by: Colleen
Queer on cell: Well, women are just pets for straight men.
–E 10th St
Woman on cell: So are you going to tell your daughter that you ate her pet?
–20th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jesse S G
