Wednesday One-Liners Are Growers, Not Showers

Bouncer on phone: I don't care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: chiddox

Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will!

–Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx

Overheard by: Li'l Squeaker

Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick!

–Times Square

30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say "dick in cider" or "dick inside her"?

–7th St & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Juicy

High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class.

–Q27 Bus Stop

Overheard by: cough.cough.cough

Woman on phone: It's not about you, it's about your small dick.

–Times Square

Girl to friend: So you're going to tutor his dick, right?

–University & 10th St

Posted on March 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Bouncers, Couples, Erections, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Height, Hobos, Masturbation, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Sex, The Bronx, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Many Americans Don't Know the Difference, Either

Gay American guy: For the last time, it's called “working,” not “wanking.”
Gay French guy: “Working,” “wanking,” I am French, I don't know. (proceeds to pinch American gay guy)

–Elevator, 205 Hudson

Overheard by: Harry Cooter

Posted on March 2, 2009
Elevators, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Language Barrier, Masturbation, Punch, Queer guys, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

But My Therapist Recommended Preyer

Effeminate bisexual man: I'm going to make you come so many times… The thing is, I have self-esteem problems, and…
Female friend: Well, then you should talk to a therapist about that, instead of preying on unsuspecting girls.

–LIRR

Posted on February 21, 2009
Friends, Harassment, Orgasm, Psychology, Queer guys, Trains Not Subway

Enjoy Your Astroglide and Elle Magazine, Sir.

CVS employee: So, did you go to the gay pride parade?
Flamboyantly gay Latino man: You know, I never goes to those things, I just can't stand all the faggots.
CVS employee, with blank stare: Have a good night.

–CVS

Overheard by: wyatt

Posted on February 20, 2009
9 to 5-ers, Celebrations/Parties, Gripes, Latinos, Politics, Queer guys, Questions, Store

The Premise Of Every VH1 Reality Show, in a Nutshell

Slightly older and hairier gay: So, just to be clear, you do realize that you are a total twink, right?
Slightly younger and hairless gay: Duh. And I'm gonna ride that train all the way to free-drink town.

–E Train

Posted on February 19, 2009
Beauty, Drinking & Drunk People, Free stuff!, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Questions

In Lieu Of Deodorant

Hipster queer: This cigarette tastes like a taint.
Suit queer: That's weird.
Hipster queer: Yeah.
Suit queer: Cause I rubbed it in my armpit.

–NYU

Posted on February 13, 2009
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Hipsters, NYU, Private Parts, Queer guys, Sensory Experiences, Smoking, Suits, Weirdness

As Required by the Hag Code's Minimum Sentencing Guidelines

Girl: So you fucked my ex?
Gay guy: I'm sorry, I was wasted! (starts crying)
Girl: He was mine, dammit! We're definitely not shopping tomorrow.

–Union Square

Posted on February 6, 2009
Anger Management, Apologies, Crying, Girls, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Shopping, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liner Can Drink Milk As Adults

Crazy guy (inexplicably overjoyed): Heyyyyy! White people!

–1 Train

Gay black man on cell: She is such a delicate white cunt, she can't raise her own child. She needs a Jamaican man to do it.

–45th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Kristy Magyar

Angry black guy: I swear to god I'm bout to start slappin' white people.

–Union Station

Overheard by: scared white guy

White English guy to Anglo-Filipino chick: I don't think we'll be welcome there because we're white.

–Nostrand & St. Mark's, Brooklyn

Black guy: Man, I love white people, and I never shot anybody!

–Times Square

Panicked child: Mommy, why are there so many white people here?

–Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Bitch-slap, Black People, Brits, Brooklyn, Crazies, Family Ties, Fears, Girls, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Rockefeller Center, Shoot, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Threats, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday Sung Liners

Blonde middle aged woman, singing, to the tune of "Winter Wonderland": Walking in a Weeeeeiner Wonderland…

–Food Store, 57th St

Hobo, rummaging in trash, to tune of "Blue Suede Shoes": One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, now go, cat, go. Gonna rob this town, rob this town tonight.

–79th & Broadway

Overheard by: thevineyard

am New York guy, singing loudly: Get am New York! Stay dry! Thank god you're aliiiiiiive!

–Union Square Subway Entrance

Hobo, singing while passing by shopping cart: Push, push in the bush, yeah, push it in the bush!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Gay gentleman, singing in response to another gay gentleman dancing down the street in pouring rain: He's gayer in the rain, he's gayer in the rain!

–W 23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jess

Man to Spanish guy singing "La Bamba": Shut the fuck up!

–51st St Station

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Free stuff!, Gays and Lesbians, Grocery Stores, Guys, Happiness, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, One-liners, Only in New York, Queer guys, Shopping, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Thievery, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

It's a Total Wi-Fi Meat Market

Older straight woman with tiny dog: Is this place a Hotspot?
40-something gay man with bright pink shirt: You mean like a meat market?

–Starbucks, 12th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on February 1, 2009
Food, Internet, Old People, Queer guys, Questions, Starbucks, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women, Words

Queer guys