Baby, You Can Drive My Wednesday One-Liner

Teenage girl to friends: How many babies can you squish into an oversized Ferrari?

–W 77th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Teddy Nicholas

Bartender: Can you imagine living somewhere where you actually have to drive home after work?

–Vintage Restaurant, Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: GretaGarbo86

Dude eating lunch with friends: Man, I hate to say it, but I love driving drunk.

–Restaurant, Bleecker & Lafayette

Gay black man to another: First of all, that fender bender you had a block away from your house was not a car accident. My three-car-pile-up was a car accident!

–A Train

Six-year-old to mom: What? An actual person who drinks and drives and she's famous? She's been in movies and she drinks and drives?! What is happening to this world?

–13th St & 5th Ave

Random wannabe thug: Yo, we seen a NYPD car get hit by a harpoon!

–Montgoris Dining Hall, St. John's University

Overheard by: Craig

Posted on March 25, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Bartenders, Black People, Cars and Driving, College, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Gangstas, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Movies, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Shows What You Know– Mold Doesn't Grow in High-Traffic Areas

Girl to friend: Ew, it smells like mold in here!
Random queer: Well, maybe you should close your legs.

–1 Train

Posted on March 21, 2009
Comebacks, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Vagina

At Least Barbra Streisand Sends Hired Goons to Threaten Me

Gay guy #1: Madonna's a bitch. She never returns my calls.
Gay guy #2: Wow, what a bitch.

–Central Park

Posted on March 21, 2009
About Celebrities, Central Park, Insults, Queer guys

But They're the Hottest Accessory This Season!

Preppy gay guy #1: They are so nasty and full of diseases.
Preppy gay guy #2: What, the pigeons?
Preppy gay guy #1: No, the children.

–Central Park

Posted on March 19, 2009
Birds, Central Park, Illness, Kids, Preppies, Queer guys

Except Get Married, Obviously.

Gay manager: Ugh! They just keep on giving me more things to do.
Girl at counter: It's because you are gay!
Gay manager: Because I'm gay I get more responsibility.
Guy at counter: Blame the makeover shows. Make a few formerly hopeless fashion cases look good on tv and they think you can do anything.

–Retail Store, Union Square

Posted on March 17, 2009
Bosses, Fashion, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Store, TV, Union Square and East Village

Every Episode Of Will and Grace, in a Nutshell.

Gay boy, after being interrupted mid-sentence: I am in the middle of a conversation! When you do that, you look like a rude bitch.
Rude bitch: I am!

–Marymount Manhattan College Cafeteria

Overheard by: Devnel

Posted on March 16, 2009
Biotechs, College, Compare/Contrast, Insults, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes

Mel Gibson: “Yet When I Say That…”

Gay #1: Did you hear Steven Spielberg donated $100,000 to defeat the gay marriage amendment in California?
Gay #2 (angry): Why? That fucking Jew!
Gay #1: No, he donated $100,000 to defeat the proposed ban on gay marriage in California.
Gay #2: God, I love that kike.

–Thompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Jesse

Posted on March 6, 2009
About Celebrities, Alphabet City, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Money & Class, Politics, Queer guys, Questions, Weirdness

…And I Have Bells Palsy.

Upper East Side queer teen: Oh my gosh, you have such a cool accent! Where are you from? Like England or something?
Black girl: Brooklyn.

–Central Park

Overheard by: TM

Posted on March 5, 2009
Black People, Central Park, Compliments, Languages, Queer guys, Questions, Teens

Wednesday One-Liners Are Growers, Not Showers

Bouncer on phone: I don't care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: chiddox

Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will!

–Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx

Overheard by: Li'l Squeaker

Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick!

–Times Square

30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say "dick in cider" or "dick inside her"?

–7th St & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Juicy

High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class.

–Q27 Bus Stop

Overheard by: cough.cough.cough

Woman on phone: It's not about you, it's about your small dick.

–Times Square

Girl to friend: So you're going to tutor his dick, right?

–University & 10th St

Posted on March 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Bouncers, Couples, Erections, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Height, Hobos, Masturbation, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Sex, The Bronx, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Many Americans Don't Know the Difference, Either

Gay American guy: For the last time, it's called “working,” not “wanking.”
Gay French guy: “Working,” “wanking,” I am French, I don't know. (proceeds to pinch American gay guy)

–Elevator, 205 Hudson

Overheard by: Harry Cooter

Posted on March 2, 2009
Elevators, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Language Barrier, Masturbation, Punch, Queer guys, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Queer guys