Genius Is 1% Inspiration and 99% Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: You're stupid enough to swallow a condom but you're smart enough to know you can sue someone.

–69th & York

Overheard by: Eugene

Attractive tall Asian chick with purple hair on cell: There's no way I would be compatible with someone so much smarter than me.

–Joralemon & Columbia, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Awesome Mother Fucker

Effeminate young man to lady friend: I think you're street smart when nobody tells you you're street smart.

–C train

Father to son: You are so smart. You are going to be the leader of a cult someday.

–Thompson & Spring

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Condoms, Dads, Friends, Girls, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Psychology, Queer guys, Religion, Soho, Suits, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners

Also Gives Handjobs With His Pinky Extended

Gay man to boyfriend crossing street: Hurry up!
Boyfriend: I am running elegantly!
Passerby to friend: Look at that guy! He takes such long strides! He runs like a gazelle!

–24th & 5th

Overheard by: amused

Posted on April 19, 2009
Animals & Nature, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Queer guys, Strangers

Plus, Don't You Have to Be Fat?

Hip Asian girl: I'm getting really interested in Buddhism.
Sassy gay friend: I like killing bugs too much.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: michelle

Posted on April 10, 2009
Asians, Buddha, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Friends, Girls, Insects, Murder, Queer guys

Wednesdays Could Use Their One-Liners As Walking Sticks

Man on cell: Well, at least my dick will finally seem bigger!

–Prince St. & W Broadway

Overheard by: Johnny

Puerto Rican lady on phone to pal: Yo, his dick was mad little, yo! My son's dick is bigger than that!

–Broadway & Havemeyer, Brooklyn

Teen on cell: And you have a small penis. And you're gay.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: And I Thought My Day Wasn't Going Well

Black gay guy on cell: I feel so sorry for guys with small penises. Here I am, with a 12 inch dick and I don't even use it.

–Penn Station

Man on cell: You're dumping me because my dick is 11 inches and it's too big? That doesn't make any sense!

–Lorimer & Maujer

Overheard by: was this a lame attempt to hit on me?

Petite yuppie on phone: Oh my god! It was so small I tried so hard not to laugh! But then I decided to boost his spirit and I said to him, "is it because it's cold in here?" (pause) Yeah, you're right, that couldn't have possibly boosted anything at all. Dinner was good, though.

–N Train

Overheard by: Mefisto

Posted on April 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Gays and Lesbians, Height, Laughter, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Penn Station, Puerto Ricans, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Train Station, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Yuppies

Unless You Can Name the Right Price

Hobo: Next stop, my dick!
Gay guy: Oh yay! This is going to be fun!
Hobo: You're weird, I was only joking.

–1 Train

Posted on April 6, 2009
Directions, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, On the Subway, Penis, Public Transportation, Queer guys

But First We Should Get High

Girl to gay guy: If you were a bird, you would totally be one that wore a tuxedo every day.
Gay guy: Lets go to the Bronx Zoo.

–45th & Lexington

Overheard by: CBro

Posted on March 30, 2009
Birds, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys

Wednesday Doesn't Know a Single One-Liner Here Tonight

Girl to friend: This party is going to be awesome! Wait. We have to stop somewhere on the way…I gotta pee before I put out tonight.

–Montrose & Graham

Dude: Do you even know what an Animal Collective Listening Party means in the rest of the country?

–Animal Collective Album Listening Party, River Room, Harlem

Overheard by: care bear stare

Girl: I think it's okay if she parties, as long as it's with a bunch of Christians.

–West 4th b/w 6th & MacDougal

Girl to friend: There's this party in the East Village. It's called "Spit." I'll tell you next time I go. It's on Fridays. But my gawd, these guys are cokeheads. I ended up with ten of them in my apartment last week.

–8th & 18th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Chick on cell: Do parties *count* if there's nothing but necking and spanking and nipple-tweaking?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy: I know I'm gay, but the best part of my Bar Mitzvah was meeting the party planner.

–Barns & Noble, 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rijita

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Columbia University, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jews, Judaism, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Names, Nipples, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Parades & Festitivites, Pee, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, S&M, Sex, Store, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Baby, You Can Drive My Wednesday One-Liner

Teenage girl to friends: How many babies can you squish into an oversized Ferrari?

–W 77th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Teddy Nicholas

Bartender: Can you imagine living somewhere where you actually have to drive home after work?

–Vintage Restaurant, Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: GretaGarbo86

Dude eating lunch with friends: Man, I hate to say it, but I love driving drunk.

–Restaurant, Bleecker & Lafayette

Gay black man to another: First of all, that fender bender you had a block away from your house was not a car accident. My three-car-pile-up was a car accident!

–A Train

Six-year-old to mom: What? An actual person who drinks and drives and she's famous? She's been in movies and she drinks and drives?! What is happening to this world?

–13th St & 5th Ave

Random wannabe thug: Yo, we seen a NYPD car get hit by a harpoon!

–Montgoris Dining Hall, St. John's University

Overheard by: Craig