Wednesdays Strap on Their One-Liners

Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?

–Greenpoint Ave

Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?

–Cook St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: cameo

Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!

–Rockafeller Plaza

Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!

–Pillow Fight, Union Square

Overheard by: Anna P.

Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!

–37th St & 8th Ave

20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!

–Topshop

Posted on February 27, 2016
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Death, Dildos and Vibrators, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Stab, Store, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Just More Understandable

Chick #1: And there was my friend who was assaulted at Temple–did I tell you about that?
Chick #2, horrified: She was assaulted at *temple*?
Chick #1: Oh, Temple University.
Chick #2: Ohhh.
Chick #1: Uh, not that that makes it any less horrible.

–187th & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on February 26, 2016
Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Default, Education, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Questions, Religion, Words

…Is “Thomas's” a Country in Europe?

Middle aged woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find English muffins?
Teen employee: All the muffins are in that aisle over there, but I don't know where they are from.

–Waldbaums Supermarket, Bayside

Posted on February 15, 2016
Clerks, Customers, Directions, Food, Grocery Stores, Queens, Questions, Shopping, Stupidity, Teens, Women

Unless Your Eyes Are Closed When You’re Looking at It

Redhead: So, what’s your favorite planet?
Blonde: Mercury.
Redhead: Oh, come on. Mercury is the sun’s little bitch.
Blonde: Well then, what’s the moon?
Redhead: Y’know, if you look at the sun, it can get bright sometimes.

–Elevator, Hotel Edison

Posted on February 14, 2016
Astronomy, Compare/Contrast, Default, Elevators, Friends, Hotels, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions

Or at Harvard Business School

Customer: What happened to your hair?
Male barista (showing off haircut): Locks of love… locks of love.
Customer: So… someday I’ll wear your hair in a play?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Maggie

Posted on February 14, 2016
Baristas, Customers, Default, Hair, Love, Men, Money & Class, Questions, Starbucks, Theater & Dance

And I Have a Healthy Curiosity About Bomb-Making, Just Like Anyone Else.

Thug to young friend checking DVDs in library: How come you got a library card?
Friend: Because I'm…normal?

–Seward Park Library, Broadway & Rutgers

Overheard by: Puma

Posted on February 10, 2016
Friends, Library, Questions, Stupidity, Thugs, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

There Are Two Types Of Girls in This World…

Perky trainer: Before we start the class, is there anyone with any injuries that I need to be aware of?
Chubby girl who smells vaguely of cigarettes: Does a hangover count?

–Equinox Gym, Upper West Side

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on February 6, 2016
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fitness, Girls, Gyms, Health and Hygiene, Questions, Smokers & Smoking, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Blow It Out Your Wednesday One-Liner

Well-dressed British man on cell, as he walks oddly: Listen girl, I farted so hard yesterday I blasted half my ass off. (pause) No, seriously! I am still walking funny!

–24th St b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Joseph

Teenage boy to another: One time this hot bitch farted on my lap, and I didn't know what to do.

–12th St & University Place

Crazy hobo sitting on blanket: I used to wear underwear, but then I farted and left a stain, so decided no more. Can anyone spare any change?

–87th & Broadway

Overheard by: Nynanny

Girl from Louisiana: What can I say? I'm a Southern girl. I fart crawfish.

–McLean Ave, Yonkers

Woman on phone: Well, the romance is out of my life: this morning Greg came in my mouth, then straight away leaned back and farted.

–Beard St & Van Brunt St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: craig hunter

Posted on February 4, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, BJs, Brits, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Crazies, Farting & Burping, Food, Hobos, Love, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Southerners, Teens, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Just Spare Me the “Great Institution” Joke

Crazy man: Girl, you been married?
Teenager girl: Yes.
Crazy man: You divorced?
Teenager girl: Yes.
Crazy man: How many times you been married?
(teenager girl holds out five fingers)
Crazy man: Damn girl, I've only been married once and we're still together.

–Time Square Shuttle

Overheard by: Holly

Posted on February 2, 2016
Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Girls, Marriage, Men, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Times Square

It's Like She Doesn't Think It's Our Business!

Waitress with thick accent: Jennifer Lopez, she pregnant again?
Hostess with equally thick accent: Yes, think so.
Waitress: She never tell anyone!
Hostess: I know, she keeps secret.
Waitress: She go on the talk show. They ask her all the questions. “Are you going to have a baby?” All she do is laugh. She just laugh! She never says anything! She never answers!

–Lindy's Resteraunt

Overheard by: Chloefron

Posted on February 1, 2016
About Celebrities, Coworkers, Default, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Waitresses

Questions