Woman #1: I don’t get it. I mean, if you can fuck, you can cook.
Woman #2: Totally.
–SoHo
Overheard by: nooners
Woman #1: I don’t get it. I mean, if you can fuck, you can cook.
Woman #2: Totally.
–SoHo
Overheard by: nooners
Hot Asian chick to boyfriend, about former boyfriend: He actually told me he liked fucking me because of my “almond eyes.”
Boyfriend: Where do you find these guys?
Hot Asian chick: I know, right?
Boyfriend: I like fucking you because you come at least once a minute.
Hot Asian chick: Take me home now!
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: …can i borrow her
Jewish girl: I think my family likes me because I will fulfill my potential to be a pompous ass.
–NYU Bobst Library
Thirty-something Hispanic woman: All my nephews are boys… All of them.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Suze V
Girl on cell: Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucked my sister!
–70 & Broadway
Girl on cell: …The half-Asian, half-Jewish guy. And she’s like: "My brother is so pissed at me!" and I’m like: "Of course he’s pissed, you’ve gotten with six of his friends."
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: Peter G
Guy: I’ve seen my sister-in law’s titties so many times…
–Yankee Stadium
Girl on cell: So the little girl at the wedding was like: "Are you guys brothers?" And I was like: "No, we fuck".
–24th St b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Amy
Girl #1: “Its so annoying how your phone wont learn to spell ‘fuck’.
Girl #2: Yeah. It wont spell “fucked” either, thats the one I have trouble with.
Girl #1: Yeah. Like it always spells “ducked”.
Girl #2: Yeah. And I don’t wanna be ducked, I wanna be fucked!.
–L Train
Overheard by: Lara
Headline by: maggie
Runners-Up:
· “Donald And Daffy Went Home Alone That Night.” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Fowl Language” – Koren
· “My Phone Totally Just Cock Blocked Me.” – Jennette
· “Old McDonald Had a Fetish, E-I-E-I-Blow” – CV
· “Sexy Is Using a Feather, Kinky Is Using the Whole Bird” – Jatmos
· “That’s Right… Ducked in My Puppy!” – Stick
· “The “Lame Duck” Presidency All Makes Sense Now” – Dale
· “Well, Once You Go Quack…” – Tim Ferlito
Dumb girl: Oh my god! I just can’t concentrate …I need a bag of chips in order to listen to you.
Bimbette: Except I just had sex in the movie theater.
Dumb girl: Really!? What did you watch?
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Este
Frat boy on cell: Next time this happens, just grab him by the penis and drag him into bed.
–Grand Central
Frat boy: I mean, STDs are nothing to worry about. There are more Pokemon than there are STDs!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Pikachu
Enthusiastic frat boy: Sure, sure, but back in history when there were no diseases…
–57th Street & 8th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Frat boy on cell: If I were him, I’d tell her to get her boobs put in too, as long as she’s already under.
–Mercer & 8th
Incensed frat-type dude on cell: Dude! I didn’t fingerbang your sister in Tijuana! I’m not a snake like that. I fingerbanged her in Cancun, so it was on American soil… And you were in the next bed. Tell me you don’t remember any of this?!
–NR Train
30-something woman to female friend: I’m so happy to see you! I haven’t had sex in a couple of months, except for a few straight girls.
–Carroll Gardens
Smoking chick on cell: I haven’t had sex yet either…I’ll let you know.
–1020 bar, 110th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Nilla wafer-eating chick: I don’t even understand why people have sex anymore!
–Columbia University
Guy yelling at a woman: Lady! Stop asking, I’m not having sex with you!
–34th & 6th
Guy on cell: Oh my god, do I need to say it? Fine! I promise I won’t try to put my penis in you. Okay?
–Avenue C
Overheard by: lingling
Guy on cell: That’s the thing about sex, it’s all in your head anyway.
–Union Square West
Overheard by: brita bit
NYU girl, to girl with earplugs: Ew! He put those in his ears and now they’re in yours?!
Girl with earplugs: …He put his penis in my vagina…
–4th & Astor
Overheard by: claire
Headline by: Tim Ferlito
Runners-Up:
· “Five More Orifices: Just Think Of the Possibilities!” – sim etrias
· “Granted, the Earplugs Go in Deeper…” – flippin
· “Haven’t You Heard Of Hearing AIDS?” – Constant Irritant
· “He Gives Good Aural Too.” – Rick Felice
· “Not Just His Earwax, But the Earwax Of Every Girl He’s Ever….” – Matt
· “Wax On, Whacks Off” – NJ
Bartender to DJ: This is the kind of music gay guys listen to when they get drunk and accidentally fuck their girlfriends.
DJ, over music: What?
Bartender: This is the kind of music gay guys listen to when they get drunk and accidentally fuck their girlfriends!
–Lit Lounge
Overheard by: waiting for my drink
Guido: If Mike Rowe died and you were there… Like if he died from natural causes and just went to sleep and died… Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Hmm, I mean, I don’t know, I’d have to like take a peek.
Guido: You mean you’d look at it?
Bitch: Yeah, maybe touch it.
Guido: But would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Roberto! It wouldn’t be hard!
Guido: But what if he got hard and then died… Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Maybe, but like why do I need to do that when I can just… You know… Ohh nevermind.
Guido: Oohh because you’ll be doing all the work anyway? You could just buy a blow up doll.
Bitch: Exactly, so why do I need to hump Mike Rowe’s dead body?
–6 Train
Overheard by: wet willy
