Gay man: Have you ever smelled your ass, after you buttfuck?
–18th & 6th
Overheard by: Dana
Gay man: Have you ever smelled your ass, after you buttfuck?
–18th & 6th
Overheard by: Dana
Younger guy: She was a bit fatter than I expected.
Older guy: Well, you still did the deed though?
Younger guy: Yes, of course I did. I had the beer goggles on to protect me but it was hard to keep the cattle prod charged.
Older guy: Well, it’s not the pussy’s fault.
–42nd & Avenue of the Americas
Headline by: chubba
Runners-Up:
· “Also, Her Tail Kept Getting in the Way” – sam
· “I Learned a Lot That Summer on the Ranch…” – Mark
· “If Only I Had My +5 Armor with +2 Strength.” – Bevan
· “It’s the Whale Attached to It” – Bizzznatch
· “They Always Blame the Cat, Never the Dog…” – Steve Gotz
Man: But I’m just not attracted to you. You’re like a sister to me.
Woman: But I’m not your sister. And besides, you know, me and my sister fooled around when we were little.
Man: Hmmm, let’s see. After this we could go get a drink, or I could go home and think about how much I’m not attracted to you…
Woman: I mean think about it…Hypothetical incest. Predetermined lust, undeformed children.
–Al di La, Park Slope
Loud guy: Hey! Illegal drugs, anyone? Illegal drugs? I want to buy some illegal drugs!
–6th Ave & 34h St
Overheard by: Emily
College girl to friend: Remember that time when you slept with that drug trafficker?
–33rd & 3rd
Man in restaurant: After the roofies I took I was a total mess, it was amazing.
–23rd & 10th
Overheard by: Matt
Man to friend holding Diet Coke: Do you remember when they had this at that gay bathhouse I had to go to because my drug dealer was there?
–Duane Reade
Dude, about crowd: I'm so glad we dropped acid before coming here.
–Trader Joe's, Union Square
Overheard by: Kat
Loud girl on cell: She can't just call you up and like, reminisce and be like, "remember when we loved each other?" Oh, and I don't even want to talk about the conversation we had this morning. There's no excuse to do acid!
–Wagner College
Woman: Yeah, he was a “client”.
Man #1: The Pope?
Woman: Yeah! Lots of times.
Man #2: Oops…no, I’m not saying it…I’m going to hell.
Woman: What? No, now you gotta tell me.
Man #2: Uh, was he good?…you know…with the Parkinson’s…sorta like a built-in vibrator. Did he have the Michael J. Fox thing going on? BVVVVT!
Man #1: Oh no!
Woman: Oh my God! You are going to hell.
Man #2: And you’re not? You fucked the Pope!
–Tottenville, Staten Island
Drunk White guy: Do you think I’m a good looking guy?
Teen chick: No, you are ugly.
Drunk White guy: Tell me what is ugly about me. Is it the scars on my face? I used to be a fighter.
She leaves the subway car.
Drunk White guy: I’ve had plenty of pussy. Black, White, Spanish, Colombian–that was the best–young Hispanic, young White, one time this nice African-American girl Tiffany. We were really in love…
–6 train
Suit: Hey, Tom! Tom!
Tom: Hey there.
Suit: Nice to see you fully clothed for a change. (winks)
Tom (looks around, sees bystanders eavesdropping): Yeah, uh, (raises voice) See you at the gym, Dan. (turns around abruptly, hurries into building)
–53rd & 5th
Overheard by: YeahRightSuretheGym
Thug #1: So what did she say?
Thus #2: I don't know man, she was all like, “I smell that shit, I smell it!” and I was like “bitch, please, I just fucked you!”
–14th St Subway Station
Overheard by: now i'm curious
Gay man: You know how when the cops come to arrest some guy in the middle of the night, there's always some screaming woman in bed with him?
Girl: Yeah?
Gay man: I was that woman!
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Girl #1: …it was so disgusting.
Girl #2: Oh my god, I can’t believe you got sexually-harrassed by a three year old.
–Park Slope
