Bimbette: Oh my god, and he totally had pubes all over his bed–
Irritated chick, interrupting: –What the fuck? Why the hell do you care if he had pubes all over his bed?!
Bimbette: … I… Uh…
Irritated chick: Just shut up, bitch.
–Macy’s
Bimbette: Oh my god, and he totally had pubes all over his bed–
Irritated chick, interrupting: –What the fuck? Why the hell do you care if he had pubes all over his bed?!
Bimbette: … I… Uh…
Irritated chick: Just shut up, bitch.
–Macy’s
Big guy: I read the other day on the internet that masturbating can really make you retarded.
Clerk: Really? (long pause) Wow!
–Porn Shop, Time Square
Overheard by: carepicha
Curly-haired chick: Your condom consumption should not intimidate people.
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Woman: He bought a car? With seven grand you buy condoms… or a house. But a car?
–6 train
Overheard by: Sabrina
Girl on cell: So I’m just at the pharmacy picking up a prescription… [Lowers voice] You know, my pills… What? My pills! You know, those pills I take so that I don’t get pregnant when your dumb ass busts inside me!
–Duane Reade, 34th & Park
Overheard by: Laughing my dumb ass off
Perky girl to friend: Yeah, and then he said, ‘What the heck?’ and flung the condom across the room.
–Astor Pl
20-ish chick: The ribs do nothing for me, but I buy ‘Her pleasure’ condoms for political reasons.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Young girl, panicky: Do you know where I can find the morning-after pill?!
–CVS
Woman #1: I really don’t think you’re leading him on.
Woman #2: That’s what everyone says…but they don’t know I’m grabbing his ass every day.
–Bloomingdale’s, 59th Street
Overheard by: djlindee
Girl #1: That’s weird, they don’t have any Tori Amos here.
Girl #2: Have you checked under “A”?
Girl #1: Why would it be under “A”?
–Virgin, Union Square
Guy: Once I told my friend Ivan that I like to eat my scabs, and he said he did too, so we ate each other scabs.
–Park Slope
Ugly drunk girl: Sometimes I pick people's noses. (pause) Usually nothing comes out!
–LIRR, Huntington Line
Overheard by: I <3 Commuters Black guy on cell: Then I put KY all over her pussy, yo, and she wanted to spoon that shit up and eat it!
–Lafayette St
Man to family: Well, I've got to assume he's getting sick anyway, judging by the snot I just saw.
–Grand Central Station
Male law student: That's the good thing. You can scratch all day and it won't spread.
–Fordham Law School
20-something receptionist: Urp! I think I just coughed up a fetus. I better Lysol the phone.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: BrooklynBorn
Girl at make-up counter: Where was yous at during the tornado yesterday?
Customer: Huh?
Girl at make-up counter: Guess you didn’t got one, then.
–Kaufmann’s, Walden Galleria
Overheard by: Rachel + Isaac
Nerd watching fireworks: I’m not really into the cerebral fireworks movement.
–The Great Lawn
Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!
–8th Ave & W 4th
Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Galina
Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?
–Borders, Kips Bay
Overheard by: Emily
Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)
–Lexington & 50th
Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt.
–5th Ave
Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.
–A Train
