Stupidity

Sometimes You Just Wanna Pinch Wednesday One-Liner's Cheeks

Gay guy: You know what's so cute, is Europe.

–Mott & Prince

Overheard by: Anna P.

College girl to friend: And I'm like "No, you can't chew on the couch. You can't have couch for breakfast." (pause) But what about you, are there any cute guys in your dorm?

–Downtown 1 Train

Girl on phone: Oh-h-h-h my gawd, girl, you don't even know! And then he goes "Damn, girl you in Delta Gamma? Nothing goes down faster than an anchor!" And then I was just like "Shut up!" but I did it anyways, I mean… he was cute.

–Gates to Fordham University

Man on cell picking through garbage can and walking away with trash in hand: Oh my god, I just found the cutest belt in a trash can! Honestly, the things people throw away!

–118th St & Amsterdam Ave

Gay guy marching in protest to another: The guys in this protest are much cuter than at the last protest I attended.

–63rd St & Broadway

It Seemed a Structural Impossibility on an Asian

Asian guy #1: Hey, I know why I'm so hot.
Asian guy #2: Why?
Asian guy #1: Because I have my volleyball shorts on.
Asian guy #2: Good. I was wondering why your butt looked so big.

–American Apparel Flea Market

Fernando Is the Clear Favorite in the Unsolicited Comment Olympics

White girl to friend: I used to speak Spanish.
Hispanic man, passing by: You don't need to speak Spanish! This is America! “America” is a Spanish word! “America Vespucci”! Spanish! Pshhh!

–112th & Frederick Douglass Blvd

Overheard by: i speak spanish too…

He Also Thinks The Clap Is a Device That Turns Your Lights on and Off

Preteen emo boy #1: What's “gonorrhea”?
Preteen emo boy #2: An STD.
Preteen emo boy #1: Seriously? I thought it was a species of fish!

–Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum

Aren't Those the Lyrics to a Li'l Kim Song?

Guy, bitching to older woman about roommate: I see her maybe once every ten days.
Woman: Is she a dominatrix?
Guy: No, she's just a dumbass!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: David K.

Or in Your Case, Las Vegas

Tourist to MTA employee: Do you have a map of, like the touristy places?
MTA employee: Yes.
Tourist: That will show us like, the Eiffel Tower and stuff?
MTA employee: The Eiffel Tower is in France.

–57th Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Elise

Have the Effects Of Rent Not Been Widespread Enough?

Professor: He was more bohemian and unconventional.
White bimbo: What's “bohemian”?
Asian bimbo: He's from Bohemia, duh.

–City College

Overheard by: nella

I'm Thinking the Mushrooms Were a Mistake, Though

Tourist #1: This must be it, it says “Greyhound” right there!
Tourist #2: It looks under construction. Is it safe to go in?
Tourist #1: I don't know… I'm afraid.

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: unfortunately thats just how it looks

As Long As It Isn't from AIDS, Sweetie

Mother: Do you need to buy some condoms?
Daughter: What? No, I am not talking about condoms with my mom. This will not happen. (mother drifts over to the condom shelf)
Daughter: No, no, no, no! What are you doing! Stop it! Stop it now! Oh god, you're actually considering the brands! Why are you… this is murder! You're killing me. You are actually killing me! I am going to die, and it will be all your fault!

–Walgreens

Overheard by: Moms, man.

They Both Cyberstalk Me Like Crazy Ex-Girlfriends

Guy: Pinkberry is right across the street from Red Mango.
Girl: That's awkward.
Guy: I know, I'm awkward about it.

–St. Marks Place

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