Old man: Where are the seat numbers?
Usher: On the right.
Old man: When I’m facing which way?
–Helen Hayes Theater, 44th St
Overheard by: Valerie Z
Old man: Where are the seat numbers?
Usher: On the right.
Old man: When I’m facing which way?
–Helen Hayes Theater, 44th St
Overheard by: Valerie Z
Man: That was pretty good.
Woman: Yeah, it reminded me of that movie with the White Witch.
Man: 101 Dalmatians?
Woman: Right.
–Loews Theatre
HS boy: Well, I tend to write more sloppily.
Asian girlfriend: ‘Sloppily’?! Is that even a word?
HS boy: It’s an adverb.
Asian girlfriend: Yes, but I said, is that even a word?
–1 train
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh outloud
Chick #1: Hey, what are you doing?
Chick #2, sparying floor with disinfectant: Well, I heard on Tyra that you can get STDs from just walking on the same floor as someone else.
Chick #1: You did? Well, it must be true! Why didn’t you tell me?!
–1250 Broadway
Boy: I still have no idea what you’re trying to get me to do.
Girl: Well, what do I do to you a lot?
Boy: Suck my dick?
Girl: Yeah.
Boy: Oh… You want me to suck your dick?
–Hot and Crusty, 87th & Broadway
Overheard by: Amanda Fox
Guy #1: You know, 82 percent of the world is not cut.
Guy #2: Yeah, I’m not circumcised.
Guy #3: Dude! That’s gross!
Guy #2: No — how so? It’s cool.
Guy #3: Yo, let’s call up some bitch and ask her what’s hotter: a dick with the skin or without it.
Guy #4: You know, the David is not circumcised.
Guy #2: See?! Cut penises are so bare.
Guy #5: How would you know?!
Guy #4: Yeah, but the David’s Jewish… It’s wrong! And how does an uncircumcised penis help you?
Guy #2: It protects dirt from coming in.
–Columbia University
Little girl pointing to ad featuring peanut butter and banana on bread: What is that?
Mother, looking at ad for a moment: It’s sushi.
Little girl: What’s sushi?
Mother: It’s Chinese food… You wouldn’t like it.
–B train
Customer: So, can I have three tacos — two with chicken, and one chorizo?
Waitress: Eh, what was the last one?
Customer: Chorizo taco!
Waitress: Oh, I don’t know… The chef may not understand that. Y’know, he doesn’t really speak English…
–El Sombrero restaurant, LES
Girl #1: It’s dangerous to walk and read at the same time, you know!
Girl #2: That’s genius.
Girl #1: It is! I got, like, 125 on an IQ test, you know. I just took it today. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, I had someone helping me.
–PATH train
Overheard by: ryan link
Bimbette #1: Like, I’m not okay with not believing him. Like, does that make sense?
Bimbette #2: Totally.
–East Village
