Suit #1: Did you see them?
Suit #2: No.
Suit #1: They were either Secret Service men, or really in-shape accountants…
–Union Square
Suit #1: Did you see them?
Suit #2: No.
Suit #1: They were either Secret Service men, or really in-shape accountants…
–Union Square
Eastern European in velour jumpsuit, approaching guy on street: Sup, cuz. Hey, remember to give it to Ricky tonight for that thing tomorrow. It's a good size. Alright, see you later.
–89th & 3rd
Overheard by: Ben A
Girl to friends: And then she was like, "yeah, let me look at you with my weirdly oversized eyeballs."
–Court St., Brooklyn
Overheard by: iwn2000
Female suit on phone: We need to get them! (pause) No! They're too big! They won't fit in the hole!
–Broadway
Guy: Masculinity is determined by the size of your (slight pause) army…
–Millennium High School
Little girl, carrying tiny stick: Look! I have the biggest stick in the world!
–Central Park
Very happy male suit wearing slippers, shuffling down to the subway: If you can wear slippers in New York, you can wear slippers anywhere.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Lara
Suit on cell: I'm so glad to be in New York, where everyone is so mellow and everyone talks American.
–DiFara Pizzeria
Guy to date: That's what I love about New York–people wear different outfits.
–Outside Deluxe, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Dad to preteen daughter: See, I really don't have issues with citizens not from New York city.
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: depends on citizens
Woman on cell: I'm in New York, where Sesame Street lives.
–52nd & 7th
Overheard by: AEVRed
Southern lady on cell: I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amazing. Ya'll don't even have a Wal-Mart.
–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th
Lady suit: Do you think anyone would notice if I just popped a squat and urinated everywhere?
–Port Authority
12-year-old girl: And then… He, like… peed in my mouth. It was kinda gross.
–Eddie’s Sweet Shop
Overheard by: Yorick
Man peeing on the street: Watch the stream, watch the stream!
–W 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Maya G.
Black guy to coworker: What about that golden shower I had the other night?
–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall
Middle-aged convention female attendee: I didn’t know that urinals flushed. Did you know urinals flushed? Who would have thought?
–Javits Convention Center
Overheard by: Hector
Drunk man to embarrassed friend: Did I tell you about the time I peed on a bum? For real, I did! I was just taking a leak and looked down like: "Oh shit, is that a person?" He looked up on me and said: "Hey, you just peed on me!" And I did! I peed on him! Then I put myself in his shoes like: "What if someone peed on me?" I’d be pissed! That’s some fucked up shit, man. So I gave him ten bucks.
–A Train
Preteen thug to friend: Yo, nigga! What's crackin'?
Passing suit: Your voice.
Thug's friend: Oh, snap!
–Fulton St. & John St.
Overheard by: Annie B
Hobo: Sir, can I trouble you for a cigarette?
Suit #1: Yeah no problem, man.
Hobo: Have a light, too?
Suit #1: Sure.
Hobo: Thanks, man… get the FUCK outta my face!
Suit #2: Only in NYC, man…
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Rob
Angry suit: I hate Christmas music, man! You use it for three weeks, and then what do you do?
Sympathetic suit: Yeah, it's useless.
–Pizza Spot
Overheard by: Raven
Girls looking at pictures: He was mad fat, but he was a good ass baby.
–Uptown A Train
Guy walking through sea of sun bathers: There aren't even that many fat people here… That's good.
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Guy on cell: You're not skinny fat, no.
–East Village
Guy on cell phone: You mean you're not going to fatso's wedding!
–N Train
Overheard by: wasn't even invited
Female suit: Why the hell does Weight Watchers have so many big fat people working in their offices, anyway? That's so not inspiring!
–40th & Madison Ave
Guy on phone: You mean the really nice one? She got big? What do you mean by big? (pause) Oh. Well, she has an exceptionally beautiful face, man. Do the right thing.
–9th & 15th
Overheard by: Courtney
(crowded train at rush hour)
Polite woman: Can you move in, please?
Annoyed suit: Move in where? This guy’s in me.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Zhi Man Huang
Suit #1: It’s the same judge that decided that the menorah and the islamic symbols are not religious, but that the cross is. And guess what? The judge?
Suit #2: Jewish?
Suit #1: Jewish.
–Madison & 44th
