Our Data Shows a Strong Positive Correlation Between Wednesday and One-Liners

Young woman on phone to friend: I have a fucking physics degree! I can read! He trusts me to run a motherfucking particle accelerator, I can read the mail!

–46th & 6th

Overheard by: Eggmen7

Hobo holding a crumpled napkin high in the air: Science! S-c-…-i-e-n-…-c-e! I did it! Science! Science! S-c-i…-e-n-c-e! I did it!

–Mulberry & Spring

Overheard by: Erica L.

Suit to friend: I'm an evolution science guy. If you want to believe in that nonsense then you gotta admit your god is an underachiever with a good publicist.

–45th b/w 6th & 7th

Woman to teen who has just spilled his coffee on sidewalk: Yeah, gravity is interesting like that.

–35th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jeggy

Male student to female student: Looking out for yourself–the id, the ego–it's part of natural selection, human nature, you know? But there aren't that many people who choose to try to overcome that. Or if there are, I haven't met them. If there's a colony somewhere, I'd like to meet them. Maybe it's just like going to the wrong nightclub, you know?

–Hoffman St & E 187th St

Overheard by: Lucy

Dude on cell: How are you, on a subatomic level?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Friends, God, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Insults, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Philosophy, Questions, School and studying, Science, Soho, Street, Students, Suits, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Get Paid Under the Table

Guy drinking wine: Coming to work wasted is frowned upon, but also lovingly embraced.

–Tartine, West Village

Fake bag hawker to woman in suit with briefcase: Can I get a job, miss? Are you hiring, miss?

–Canal St

Suit: When I die, don't go to my funeral, just go to work.

–33rd St &3rd Ave

Crazy girl on cell: All I know is that I need a really fucking good job with no fucking drug test.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Sam Fez

Weird guy to girl: I mean, I come home from work not feeling sexy at all. (subway car screeches) It's not exactly the most testosterone-filled job there is. (car screeches loudly again, then guy starts using hand motions) I have no idea how to get in the mood again!

–6 Train

Overheard by: fresca

Boss to peon: And grab Mary. (pause) Gently.

–Broadway

Posted on December 17, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Crazies, Death, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museum of Natural History, Offers and requests, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Strangers, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

A No Man's Land Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl: So yeah, that was the most interesting lesbian relationship I've ever had, but she left me for her old science teacher. At least you know where you stand with guys. (sighs)

–Macy's

Overheard by: Nathan

Suit nearing retirement, to his department: Did you ever think that Hilary Clinton just has to be a lesbian?

–Office, Midtown West

Man: I noticed I get checked out the most by women when I'm with a woman, so I started hanging around with lesbians and now we pick up women together.

–1 Train

Hobo, to no one in particular: I'm not a thespian, I'm a lesbian. From Hoboken.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Eric

Crazy hobo: Hillary invented the lesbian vote. There was no lesbian vote before Hillary, she created it! Thirty million lesbians all lined up to vote, and you know what you have to do to get the lesbian vote? You've gotta squeeze it. You have to squeeze the lesbian. How do you get orange juice? You squeeze it! You gotta squeeze the lesbian to get the vote!

–E Train

Overheard by: an unsqueezed lesbian

Angry woman on cell: No, I'm not doing the lesbian thing tonight. No. I'll be home soon.

–Outside Lesbian Bar, Hudson St

Overheard by: lady

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Breaking Up, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Fruit, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hobos, Lies, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Questions, Relationships, Store, Suits, Weirdness, Women

When She Told Him to Stand Clear of the Closing Doors, He Finally Lost It

Woman's voice, on speaker: Please move forward on this escalator.
20-something suit, going up the escalator: You can't tell me what to do!
Woman's voice, on speaker: Have a nice day.
20-something suit: Fuck you!

–59th St

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Posted on December 16, 2008
Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity, Suits, Women

Tonight's Movie: Brokeback Starbucks

Black guy in suit to stranger at same table: Oh, so you're married! I'm so sorry, I didn't realize.
White guy in suit: Oh, no worries, it doesn't mean I'm dead or anything.
Black suit: Are you faithful?
White suit (pausing for a couple of seconds): Sometimes.

–Starbucks, 23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on December 15, 2008
Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Marriage, Starbucks, Strangers, Suits, White People

Stand Clear Of the Closing Gryffindors, Please.

Conductor: Hello, and welcome to the Hogwarts Express. This is platform 9 3/4, and we will be leaving shortly for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Preteen holding Harry Potter book, to suit holding Harry Potter book: Oh my god! I knew they would come for me!
Suit holding Harry Potter book, to himself: I did too.

–C Train

Posted on December 11, 2008
Books & Writing, Conductors, Directions, Magic, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Suits, Travel, Tweens

Wednesday One-Liners Are Bringin' Sexy Barack

Security guy to suit: Why do you all feel like congratulating me for his win? Just cause I'm black doesn't mean I should be congratulated. Why do you keep doing that? What the fuck did I do?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: pop pop

little boy to father: When are the bad people leaving the White House so Obama can be President?

–Grocery Store, 71st & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Rena

FedEx guy to shipping clerk: Obama's gonna go uptown and say, "that's right, niggas, I'z here!"

–W 26th & 6th Ave

Angry black woman on cell: Excuse me! Obama is our President now and I won't be calling you "massa" anymore. You understand?

–Worth & Broadway

Middle-aged black man sitting at bus stop: Not "yo mama," not "Osama," "Obama!" They should paint the White House black. No…that would be irresponsible. Maybe caramel.

–125th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Nicole

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. I want to wish you all a dry, cozy, Obama weekend. Now could you please spare some change for a hungry man? (young black man gives him change) Now that is an Obama voter. (looks around at white people) I will also accept change from McCain voters.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Steph

Guy on phone, announcing to the bar: My baby can say "Obama"!

–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St

Overheard by: Karin

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Colors, Dads, Glad the Condom Broke, Grocery Stores, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Lower East Side, Men, Money & Class, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Politics, President, Questions, Race, Rockefeller Center, Security Guards, Stupidity, Suits, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Don't Bite the Hand That Speeds You

Conductor at subway door yelling at guy in suit: Stop holding the subway door.
Guy in suit: Want to take off your belt and beat me?

–E Train

Overheard by: Fellow Subway Rider

Posted on December 4, 2008
Conductors, Fighting and ass kicking, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Suits

Wednesday One-Liners Go Bump in the Night

College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!

–Ricky's, Near Columbia

Overheard by: M

Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!

–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)

Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Blair

Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!

–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town

Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.

–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick

Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!

–33rd & 3rd

Posted on December 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia University, Girls, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Latinos, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Physical appearance, Prostitution, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Suits