Male suit: Want to hear my latest economic thing?
Woman: Yes.
Male suit: I'm not going to get Starbucks anymore, unless someone else is paying.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: max
Male suit: Want to hear my latest economic thing?
Woman: Yes.
Male suit: I'm not going to get Starbucks anymore, unless someone else is paying.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: max
Suit to another, on smoking break: Cigarettes are out, cookies are in!
–33rd & Park Ave
Teen boy: I wanna take up smoking just to prove to people how easy it is to quit. Seriously, it's not that hard. Just don't buy a pack.
–74th & Lexington
Bum to another: And so the cops went in and found them… And you know they can't arrest them for smokin' that shit…it's part of their religion!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Francesca
Professor: The only reason valuable reason to start smoking is if you were molested as a child or some shit like that.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Girl on phone: So my roommate was bitching at me this morning for walking around in my underwear and I was like, "Dude, you got laid last night, I got yelled at by my booty call's girlfriend. I deserve to smoke cigarettes half naked on my patio."
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: innocent bystander
High school kid: Yo, I would smoke a cigarette dipped in toothpaste!
–Chambers St
Guy on cell: You start dating married women, you end up meeting their husbands.
–49th & 6th
Man on cell (guiltless and disinterested): She said I cheated, duh-duh-duh-duh.
–Church St & Barclay
Overheard by: Robert J. Anderson
Female suit on cell: He cheated on me on my 30th birthday in Nantucket and I called my mom to tell her and she said, "Are you ready to give up that lifestyle? He's wealthy and he's gorgeous. I don't want to hear it." But I want someone to be über-attracted to me.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Dude on cell: Hello? (pause) I told you never to call me on this number. (pause) Because I don't want my wife to find out that we're dating.
–6th Ave & 17th St
Psuedo-gansta to friend: Yo, I would cheat on my wife except then you gotta buy them flowers and chocolate and shit. I'd rather spend money on my wife and be happy at home.
–N Train
Girl on cell, doing laundry: Yeah…and then he says that he has a girlfriend and he doesn't cheat on her…so I said, "Really? Then what was your penis just doing in my mouth?"
–Laundromat, 9th Ave & 53rd St
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Loud, obnoxious man: I hate loud, obnoxious people!
–Nomad Restaurant
Girl with brutal Long Island twang: It's just, like, if you have a Boston accent, you sound, like, so unintelligent. Like, less intelligent than other people, even if you're smart. The accent makes you sound dumb.
–7 Train
Overheard by: IDigGraves94
Angry black woman: Fuck you! I'm a lady!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Annearchist
Flamboyantly gay man on the phone: Mom, I hate you, stop being such a faggot!
–46th & 5th
Suit on cell: Yeah? Well, she's a bitch and deserves to die. You wanna know why? Because she's ugly and she talks bad about people.
–47th St & 9th Ave
Tourist chick carrying a Starbucks coffee and three shopping bags to friend: We are the type to visit Wall Street and say capitalism is bullshit!
–Broadway & Cedar
Overheard by: mondoman
Drunk high-class hooker: I wanna tell you a joke.
Drunk suit: Okay, what is it?
Drunk high-class hooker: What is the definition of “indefinitely”?
Drunk suit: I dunno, what?
Drunk high-class hooker: When your balls are against my ass, you're in… definitely!
–Del Frisco's Steak House
Overheard by: the itis
(hurried suit squeezes into packed compartment of automated revolving door)
Automated female voice: Please step forward.
Suit, squishing forward: Eat me!
Automated female voice: Thank you.
Suit: God, I hate that cheery bitch.
–Marriott Marquis Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: austin
Middle-aged lady to guy handing out Obama and McCain condoms: Now I've got something to play with tonight! All I need is a man.
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: I Hate Times Square
30-something dad on cell pushing small child in stroller: You know, I'm all in favor of that Plan B medication.
–Park Slope, Prospect Park
Overheard by: Alex
Girl in elevator to friend: I don't even know why you need condoms, they break anyway. But I didn't get pregnant!
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kar
Guy at the sidewalk: Anybody wants McCain, Obama and Palin condoms? McCain, Obama and Palin condoms…get it here! Because either way, you're screwed!
–Times Square
Overheard by: non voter
Girl to bartender: Can I get some of those condoms? (bartender takes out two) I mean, like a bunch? I'm a big dirtbag.
–Boss Tweeds
Suit on cell: You just wrap it in duct tape and put a condom on it.
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman
Young woman on phone to friend: I have a fucking physics degree! I can read! He trusts me to run a motherfucking particle accelerator, I can read the mail!
–46th & 6th
Overheard by: Eggmen7
Hobo holding a crumpled napkin high in the air: Science! S-c-…-i-e-n-…-c-e! I did it! Science! Science! S-c-i…-e-n-c-e! I did it!
–Mulberry & Spring
Overheard by: Erica L.
Suit to friend: I'm an evolution science guy. If you want to believe in that nonsense then you gotta admit your god is an underachiever with a good publicist.
–45th b/w 6th & 7th
Woman to teen who has just spilled his coffee on sidewalk: Yeah, gravity is interesting like that.
–35th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jeggy
Male student to female student: Looking out for yourself–the id, the ego–it's part of natural selection, human nature, you know? But there aren't that many people who choose to try to overcome that. Or if there are, I haven't met them. If there's a colony somewhere, I'd like to meet them. Maybe it's just like going to the wrong nightclub, you know?
–Hoffman St & E 187th St
Overheard by: Lucy
Dude on cell: How are you, on a subatomic level?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy drinking wine: Coming to work wasted is frowned upon, but also lovingly embraced.
–Tartine, West Village
Fake bag hawker to woman in suit with briefcase: Can I get a job, miss? Are you hiring, miss?
–Canal St
Suit: When I die, don't go to my funeral, just go to work.
–33rd St &3rd Ave
Crazy girl on cell: All I know is that I need a really fucking good job with no fucking drug test.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Sam Fez
Weird guy to girl: I mean, I come home from work not feeling sexy at all. (subway car screeches) It's not exactly the most testosterone-filled job there is. (car screeches loudly again, then guy starts using hand motions) I have no idea how to get in the mood again!
–6 Train
Overheard by: fresca
Boss to peon: And grab Mary. (pause) Gently.
–Broadway
Girl: So yeah, that was the most interesting lesbian relationship I've ever had, but she left me for her old science teacher. At least you know where you stand with guys. (sighs)
–Macy's
Overheard by: Nathan
Suit nearing retirement, to his department: Did you ever think that Hilary Clinton just has to be a lesbian?
–Office, Midtown West
Man: I noticed I get checked out the most by women when I'm with a woman, so I started hanging around with lesbians and now we pick up women together.
–1 Train
Hobo, to no one in particular: I'm not a thespian, I'm a lesbian. From Hoboken.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Eric
Crazy hobo: Hillary invented the lesbian vote. There was no lesbian vote before Hillary, she created it! Thirty million lesbians all lined up to vote, and you know what you have to do to get the lesbian vote? You've gotta squeeze it. You have to squeeze the lesbian. How do you get orange juice? You squeeze it! You gotta squeeze the lesbian to get the vote!
–E Train
Overheard by: an unsqueezed lesbian
Angry woman on cell: No, I'm not doing the lesbian thing tonight. No. I'll be home soon.
–Outside Lesbian Bar, Hudson St
Overheard by: lady
