Female future-voter #1: Saddam should be tortured and cut up into pieces instead of being in jail comfortably.
Female future-voter #2: Wait, didn’t Saddam die of cancer a little while ago?
Female future-voter #1: Oh my God, did he? Are you sure?!
Female future-voter #2: I was sure, but now I’m not so sure.
Female future-voter #1: You know who else died recently? Aaron Spelling!
Female future-voter #2: No way!
–28th & Lex
Mother: It’s ok, honey.
Teenager: I just feel like a slut.
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: DaFunk
Guy: All we’re gonna do anyway is drink in my basement. Fuckin’ suburbia.
–W 4th & Mercer
Teen girl: And he was like, “You people from Connecticut, all you ever do is drink cocktails and text-message each other.”
–Uptown 2 train
Ditzy girl: It’s like…like the herbal tea of beers.
–House of Brews, 51st & 8th
Overheard by: Just Trying to Watch the Game in Peace
Teenage guy: Dude, you can’t get married. You’re going to college. There’s gonna be a lot of girls and beer. Every day.
–Middletown Rd & Crosby Ave, the Bronx
Overheard by: christine
Girl on phone: What do you mean she’s not drunk yet?
–Mo Pitkins, 2nd St & Ave A
Overheard by: sarah
Guy: We’re going to strap the beer to the dog, and go down to the Ho Chi Minh Trail, and camp out by the railroad tracks.
–Ave A
Overheard by: Cory
Guy: I would rather be poor and not famous than famous and poor…I drank a lot today, but I am not drunk.
–7 train
Guy on phone: Did you do her?…Mazel Tov…Was she drunk?
–Lobby, Cardozo School of Law
Mother, to little boy: No, you cannot smell my armpit!
–Keyspan Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jesse
Doctor on cell: Look, having knees doesn’t make you special.
–Oustide New York Presbyterian Hospital
Ghetto chick: When she’s asleep, I’m gonna squat on her brain.
–16th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: alyssa
Father of little girl who has just hit her head: Did your brain fall out?
–Chili’s, Staten Island
Overheard by: Ada and Andi
Chick: His teeth are really straight. But that’s because he was home-schooled.
–Baskin Robbins, 23rd & 8th
Guy: Every time a girl sees my teeth, she’s like, “Naaah.” I’m gonna get this whole shit redone, where they take them all out and replace the whole thing. It costs like $20,000…Only thing is you have to go two months without any teeth.
–29th St & 33rd Ave, Astoria
Middle-aged man, to college girl in skirt: Excuse me, miss, you have very nice legs. Have you ever thought about doing voice-overs?
–31st & 6th
Overheard by: plo
Teenage boy: Who wants to play guess which body part am I fidgeting?
–North Gannon & Bradley, Staten Island
Overheard by: Shamrocknroll
Teenage girl #1: He’s a good kisser.
Teenage girl #2: That’s gross. He’s your cousin!
Teenage girl #1: No! Not anymore he’s not.
–Chelsea Piers
Overheard by: boywryter
Teenage girl #1: I totally learned something at Coney Island the other day!
Teenage girl #2: Yeah?
Teenage girl #1: If you are walking on a sidewalk in Coney Island with a boy, and he has you walking closest to the street, that means he wants to sell you.
Teenage girl #2: Sell you?
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, but it only works in Coney Island. Joel told me. He was walking closest to the street. I think he really likes me!
–Q train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: jesse
Teen boy #1: Well, it’s too bad once they have their clothes off you can’t get rid of them.
Teen boy #2: Oh, well I’d be like, “Bitch, what do you think you’re doing? You beast!”
Teen boy #1: Yeah, I guess you can do that. Just like get them naked and then analyze their bodies, and then dismiss them.
Teen boy #2: Exactly!
–86th & 19th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kelly
Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!
–1 train
Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!
–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!
–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn
Overheard by: elwood
Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.
–Queens Center Mall
Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.
–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square
Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Melissa
Dad: How old are you?
Teen boy: Thirteen.
Dad: How old are you?
Mom: You know he’s thirteen.
Dad: It says here that if you’re eleven or younger, you get in free… How old are you?
Teen: Oh. Eleven.
–Roxy Deli
Overheard by: Kelsey
Headline by: Tom Dorey
Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Forget, Your Mom’s Your Grandma And She Got That Black Eye Playing Bingo” – Kate
· “And it’s cheaper than regression therapy” – Kim
· “But He is 19 on Myspace” – DanC
· “Good Answer. Now Give Me $10 For Your Mother And Me.” – Hobo Whisperer
· “Good…now go shave your balls.” – Colin
· “If Your Mom Hadn’t Lied About her Age, You WOuldn’t Be Here Now” – Jason
· “Sorry, Not Applicable to Jews” – djingo
· “Still paying down the debt from Dad’s mid-life crisis” – Allison
· “You Know What I Like Better Than Welfare Checks? Nothing.” – Amos
· “You know I only get paid for sending them pre-teens” – kasey
Guy on cell: My doctor told me if you piss right after sex, you can’t get STDs…Yeah, I do it all the time.
–Suffolk & Rivington
Overheard by: John
Loud teen girl: Wait, you had a dream that you had AIDS? That I had AIDS? Fuck you, man.
–Brighton Beach, Brooklyn
Chick on cell: I know it’s sick, but I’m so excited that I can have unsafe sex now!
–23rd Street & Broadway
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Concerned citizen: Excuse me, I don’t know if this is a trans-generational or New York metropolitan faux pas, but you should really tell your friend, girlfriend, lady friend or whatever that one in every four persons in America has herpes.
–sushi restaurant, 1st Ave
Overheard by: Caitlyn
