God's Chosen Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to friend: Look, I just don't want to be born again, okay? I saw how you attacked that Jewish woman in the airport.

–Broadway & 10th St

Overheard by: Stephanie

Patron: Jews for Jesus are just reformed black panthers.

–Turkish Kitchen, 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Pola

Student who has just drawn a stereotypical Jew to another who has drawn Jesus on the cross: Wait–wait, Jesus was Jewish?

–Bronx High School Of Science, Judaic Cultural Society

Girl at birthday supper: I get all Jewish and entitled when anyone tries to tell me "no!"

–8th Ave & 43rd St

Overheard by: Lankyguy

Jock to another: And then he like tried to fuck me. I guess that's what I get for spending the night at a dude's house. I mean he was Jewish and all, so he was really nice but still…

–23rd St & Lexington

Posted on September 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Bronx Science, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Jesus, Jocks, Judaism, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Let a Smile Be Your Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on cell: How can you be happy if you're acting like such a bitch all time?

–Melrose Ave & 154th St

Puerto Rican barista, as A-Team music starts playing: The A-Team! Man, that makes me think of when I was young and still happy!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Chris K.

30-something woman: I'm going to see Transformers. Transformers! Daa naa na naaa! You have to be happy in life, everybody is dying.

–34th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Frank Molla

Girl on cell, vehemently: I'm trying brown eyeliner. I hope this makes you happy!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ashley

20-something girl: Just put some alcohol in me and I'll be happy.

–St. Mark's Place

Posted on August 19, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Colors, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Happiness, Insults, Makeup, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nostalgia, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Train Station, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

In Eden, the Forbidden Fruit Smelled Exactly Like Bacon

Asian girl #1: Hey, did you guys smell that in that building back there?
Orthodox Jewish girl and guy: No, what?
Asian girl #1: It totally smelled like bacon!
Asian girl #2: Yeah! You're right, oh…
Orthodox Jewish girl and guy: Yeah… hm. So that's what bacon smells like?

–Grand Concourse

Posted on August 16, 2009
Asians, Food, Girls, Guys, Jews, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, The Bronx

Some Sex Ed Videos Go Overboard in Their Attempts to Relate to Teens

Girl: But you have to wear condoms, though, man.
Guy: I know, man! But it's crazy, man.

–Bronx Community College

Posted on August 9, 2009
Advice, College, Condoms, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Stupidity, The Bronx

Except at the End You Shit Out a Baby

Ghetto girl: Jes-tay-shun! Gestation. What does that mean?
Ghetto girl's friend, thoughtfully: Like… Digestion.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Jess K.

Posted on July 30, 2009
Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Health and Hygiene, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Stupidity, The Bronx, Words

…Have You Ever Seen Weekend at Bernie's?

Boy to girl: Hey, when you die, can I have your body?
Girl: To do what with?
Boy: Um…

–Cafeteria, The Bronx

Posted on July 21, 2009
Body Parts, Boys, Death, Girls, Offers and requests, Restaurants & Cafes, The Bronx, Weirdness

Dirty Wednesday One-Linering

Tired thug teen, wistfully: I'd dance like crazy in a basement.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Two-year-old boy, pointing at three-month old baby: Isn't that guy in my dance class?

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Swimfan

Clueless man to friend: What do you call male ballerinas anyway? Ballers?

–Cirque du Soleil Show, Randall's Island

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Girl to friend: I didn't dance with him at all…I kept walking away from him…I wasn't actually a very good prom date.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: wink

Metrosexual on cell: Do you have a large table in your apartment? Is it large enough for five men to stand on? Of course, we won't be dancing!

–Upper West Side

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dancing, Dating, Education, Friends, Girls, Height, Kids, Men, Metrosexuals, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Teens, The Bronx, Theater, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Oh No, Wednesday One-Liners Didn't!

Middle aged white woman on cell: I did not call you a scumbag, but you are a scumbag.

–3rd Ave & 85th

Overheard by: Guy Walking

Street youth to another: Nigga, you got a face like a hologram!

–159th St & Ft. Washington

Girl: Yeah, she was like, "Oh my god! Did you see what this guy was wearing?" Please, she should go to a state school, because it sounds like that's where she belongs.

–NYU

Girl to boyfriend, during fight: You're like an empty Christmas present!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Lizzie

Guy on cell: Well, that's one way of looking at it, but could it be possible that you just suck as a person, and it was really all your fault?

–N Train

Overheard by: Shock-E

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Insults, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Street, The Bronx, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

I Wasn't Always a Security Guard, Y'know

Girl selling at bake sale #1: This is so stupid. No one wants anything.
Security guard: That's cause you're doin' it all wrong.
Girl selling at bake sale #2: Oh yeah? What should we do?
Security guard: Next person that passes, be like “Yo! I got your brownie!” then when they come over, give it to them and be like “Aight, that's two dollars.”

–Manhattan College, The Bronx

Posted on June 30, 2009
Advice, College, Food, Gripes, Money & Class, Questions, Security Guards, Stupidity, The Bronx, Vendors & Street Performers

Interesting Placement Of the Nuts, Though.

Old white guy #1, examining model building with acorn-topped pillars: They look like penises.
Old white guy #2: Yep.

–New York Botanical Gardens

Overheard by: that's what she said?

Posted on June 28, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Old People, Parks, Penis, The Bronx, White People