The Village

Woman to another: Eat the penis, Danielle, eat the penis.

–New Jersey Transit train out of Penn Station

Overheard by: Tootles McGee

Black guy: Yo! Where my penis at?

–Bergenline Bus

Overheard by: Don’t know how he lost it to begin with

Guy with big dog to girlfriend: Is my cock straight?

–12th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Amanda

Five-year-old son to father helping him ride a bicycle, seeing wooden posts out of the water: Daddy, is that a huge penis?

–South Seaport

Female suit: Their penises don’t care!

–Times Square

Hobo: I’m the unluckiest son of a bitch I know! If it were raining vaginas, I’d get hit in the head with a penis.

–5th Ave

Girl on cell: That’s good… Did you like the peen? The peen? Did you like the penis, mother? The penis? Oh good, I though you would.

–9th & Prospect Park

Overheard by: Other Side of the Fence

Young NYU female student #1: Bitch thinks she's shopping at Neiman Marcus, but she just shopping at Aldo.
Young NYU female student #2: That is so, so true.

–12th St & University

Overheard by: adam

Hobo: Spare any change? Any change?
Man in Mets hat: Sorry.
Hobo: Don’t worry about it. If you’re a Mets fan, you’re worse off than me.

–4th & 6th

Guy to woman with baby strapped to her chest: Your baby looks like a little Yoda.
Woman: That's what my husband said.
Husband: No, I said she looks like Obi-Wan.

–Path b/w Christopher & 9th

Overheard by: Brwnman

White guy on cell: Yo, shit nigga, this shit the bomb!
Black guy: If you close your eyes, he almost sounds like the real deal.

–Houston & Varick

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Drunk guy, about textbook-toting passersby: Look, baby — law students!
Drunk girl: What? Where?
Drunk guy: Look at them! Haha, look! They even have books! NYU law students!

–Sullivan & Bleecker

Waiter: Oh, how do you know him?
Queer: I was dating him a while back.
Waiter: Really? Did his wife and kids know that?

–Metropol, W. 4th St.

Black woman #1, to black woman #2: That’s a real cute phone for a nigger without a job.

–Sprint Store

Overheard by: wigger with a job

Guy: I dunno, if I had that much money, I’d spend it on something else. Like pants made of diamonds…Or hookers made of gold.

–Lafayette & Bond

Overheard by: jayloo

Hobo, to baby in stroller: You’re a fucking moron, kid, wasting all your money on that shit!

–Central Park

Overheard by: PeggyG.

Techie in suit: I mean, there are two reasons. A: it's better.
Meathead friend: Uh-huh.
Techie: A: it's warmer.
Meathead: Uh-huh.
Techie: B: the women there are much more receptive to thinly veiled suggestion.
Meathead: Uh…
Techie: What I mean by that is that they have low self esteem. I do my best work with low self esteem.

–14th St & 8th Ave Subway Station

Overheard by: Rebecca

Little girl: I have those shoes!
Queer: Oh my God! Get out of my town! That’s so cool!

–14th street A/C/E station