The Village

Dude: Mount Olympus is just, like, one giant trailer park.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jessica

Guy: People in Vietnam are different than us.

–Park & 24th

Overheard by: Sabrina

Girl to friend: Say something in British, or wherever you're from… Switzerland!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Larry

Supposedly well-traveled woman: But you know where I want to go next? Buenos Aires! They haven't changed to the Euro yet.

–3rd & B

Hipster: I'm going to punch Uzbekistan.

–West 42nd St

Hipster girl to boyfriend: People like you, you're the reason people die in Mexico!

–18th & 1st

Overheard by: Jessica

Frat boy: That is the last time I am *ever* jacking off to gay porn.

–Gristedes, 42nd St

Overheard by: …while sober or drunk?

Frat boy to another frat boy staring intently at a young woman dressed as a Hogwarts student: I am really drunk!

–14th St & University Place

Midwest frat dude: The ugliest girls in New York City are like the hottest girls I've ever seen!

–St.Marks & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: slohmie

Frat boy: Dude, I'm not hating -I love gay guys. All I'm saying is -they buy a lot of Kosher wine.

–23rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Dina

Frat boy: We've had sex everywhere… In cars, in public places…I've seen her vagina more times than I've seen my mother's!

–Wagner College

Deaf Chick Lesbian Porn Is Always the Hottest

College girl: Fuck, I have to do this research paper on Anne Frank over the holiday week!
College guy #1: Make sure to include the part about her being a lesbian.
College guy #2: Anne Frank was not a lesbian, you idiot!
College guy #3: No, I am pretty sure I saw one of the videos she made once.
College girl (walking away): I'm gonna go throw up.
College guy #2: How the hell did either of you even get into college?

–8th St & 6th Ave

Girl on cell passing by: That sounds great, honey, but there is no possible reason you'd need to shove an entire lime in the garbage disposal.

–Lafayette & Houston

(tourist lady eats banana)
Ferry bag lady: Why are you eating that banana? You know it's not healthy for you. They say you need potassium but you don't need no potassium. You don't want no banana, it's nasty and mushy. Throw it out. Throw out that banana. You don't want no nasty mushy banana.
(bug-eyed tourist lady continues to eat banana)

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Five-year-old girl, sitting in the grocery cart next to her twin sister, as their mother pushes them around the store: You're squishing me like a pineapple! You're squishing me like a pineapple, I said!

–9th St Market

Overheard by: Elle Woods (Chelsea Huckabay)

Old man with Boston accent to prepubescent boy: Squirt that in your nose and it's like you have a blueberry bush.

–42nd & 5th

Overheard by: Anniemal

20-year-old bakery chick: I was in Brooklyn yesterday on 18th Ave. There were three Mexicans on bikes. One was dressed like a banana. So then I walked up to him and I was like: "Dude, you're dressed like a banana and you're on a bike, that's awesome. Can I take a picture of you?"

–Bakery, Staten Island

Overheard by: Traci Cuccurullo

Loud girl: I never wash my fruit! I eat things that have fallen on the floor! And that's why I don't have allergies!

–375 Hudson St.

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Thug on cell: Wait, so you said you needed something for herpes? (pause) I said, you need something for your herpes? (pause) Well, I smoked a little before I came over here…

–Harlem Rite Aid

Man: Your wife! Your wife! Richard Dawkins is gonna get herpes from your wife!

–French Roast, 86th & Broadway

Overheard by: zdog

Girl on cell wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana: I dunno, I mean, I just can't keep doing this. I don't want to get herpes again.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: JLief

Girl on subway to friend: I've never looked at you and thought you looked like you had herpes.

–E Train

Mother to tween daughter, ecstatically hugging friend: Remember, girls: No sharing saliva. That's how you get herpes and ruin your summer.

–3rd & 92nd

Overheard by: rebecca

Girl: Honey, who’s that white guy in our class?
Boy: Which guy?
Girl: The white guy with the accent? It’s like a gangster accent?
Boy: Gangster accent?
Girl: You know: “Yo yo, what’s up?” (throws up gang signs)
Boy: I didn’t know gangsters had accents.

–Parsons New School for Design

Headline by: LJ

Runners-Up:
· “A Whole New Way to Fulfill a Language Requirement” – Bill
· “And Since When Did “The Shocker” Become a Gang Sign?” – cbeck
· “Clearly You Haven’t Spent Enough Time Watching Bad Dance Movies” – mk
· “Keanu Reeves Deeply Researches Yet Another Role” – Bevan
· “Parsons New School Of Liberal Denial Is on 43rd.” – EddieA
· “That’s Not an Accent. He’s Deaf. Those Aren’t Gang Signs. It’s Sign Language.” – DB
· “The REAL Michelle and Barack” – Qasar

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Is It Stubbleday Already?

Girl: Well, I didn’t shave my armpits this morning.
Guy: Oh.
Girl: Yeah, that was my idea of celebrating!

–12th St & Broadway

Tall scraggle-tooth guy with eye patch, in hoarse creepy voice: Do you like balloon animals? I like balloon animals!
Startled passerby: What the fuck ass hell?

–6th Ave & W 8th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy: What makes you think the guy she likes is gay?
Girl: He’s a bartender in a gay bar. But he says it’s only because they tip better.

–Cosi, 13th & Broadway

Drunk man to friend carrying him: And she keeps making fun of my tiny dick, but then she keeps grabbing my ass. Can you explain that to me?

–5th Ave

Overheard by: John-Boy

Man to friend: Ya know I’ve touched both your dick and your brother’s dick… and his is much bigger.

–44th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: bigstoopit

20-something guy: I’ve just decided I need to quit dicking around and buy some q-tips.

–1 Train

Overheard by: drew

Guy, yelling: I did not put Peter’s dick in my mouth. I didn’t see it, I don’t even know what it looks like! None of us even came and it’s not important!

–Greenwich Ave

Obviously straight guy: For a million dollars. I’d suck the Jolly Green Giant’s dick, I don’t care if it did break my jaw.

–MacDougal St