Gay guy: Ugh, I can't stand these small theaters. They're so cramped and sweaty, and the seats are too small.
Girl: Whatever, you're just being a snob.
Gay guy: Yeah well, maybe I've just paid my dues long enough in this city to feel above this scene. I don't think…
Girl (interrupts): Oh my god, Mandy Moore just walked in.
Gay guy (gasps and whips around): Mandy Moore?! Where?!
–Cherry Lane Theater
20-something girl: I don't let people with toes like that into my bed!
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: insizlane
Old man on cell: Just tell her to go to Duane Reade and get that shit that puts your urethra to sleep.
–East Village
Overheard by: doctors are so jaded
Woman: My son has a perfect head, it's not flat on no sides.
–44 Bus, Staten Island
(man comes over and pushes down everyone's safety bar)
Woman: My uterus just came out of my vagina.
–Coney Island Cyclone
Guy on cell: …and it's just not Sunday unless you've had your finger in someone.
–Houston & Macdougal
Overheard by: Lish
Middle-aged white guy to younger black woman: Just leave them a message that's like "I woke up from my coma, don't worry. Not that you were worried anyway."
–Nederlander Theater
Overheard by: julia
Girl to friend: Everything was fine until I found out about the warts.
–Broadway & Waverly
Man to friends: All I know is that I was leaving town the next day, so I told her to take some Pepto-Bismol or Robitussin or whatever because I was gettin' some that night for sure!
–Bodega, 22nd St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Doug Tischler
Teenage black girl, within a group of friends: Them kids with autism, they be havin' mad skills!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: r. faith
Male yuppie: If she comes back with cold sores, I'll know who to go to.
–San Domenico Restaurant, East 26th St
Girl: Rabies is my biggest enemy.
–Bellerose, Queens
Young mother: Yeah, she still talks like a baby. She still talkin' baby talk. Her favorite word is "bitch."
–C Train
Overheard by: Emily B.
Black chick on phone: So I asked that bitch and she said he's gonna be in the Special Olympics in Secaucus.
–33rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jake
Conductor over PA system: Don't hold the doors, bitches!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Anna
Ghetto boyfriend to ghetto girlfriend: You know… You know that I luh' you, but I just wanna know, why you don't luh' me? Why, bitch, why?!
–Broadway & Canal
Overheard by: Aviva
Man on cell: It was a bad bitch? …a bad bitch?
–37th & Broadway
Girl to friend: …so then the guy turns the fuck around during "Chim chiminey" and just loses his shit on those two old bitches.
–24th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Viv
(very pretty girl waiting for the cross light to change)
Crazy old man: Yum, you sure are pretty.
(no response)
Crazy old man (excited now): Yummy! I like them pretty ones.
(pretty girl hisses at him and walks away)
Tourist dad to little girl: See, darling? That's how you handle those situations.
–Broadway & Houston
Girl #1: What's D'Agostino's?
Girl #2: It's an Indian restaurant. I eat there all the time!
–10th St & University
Overheard by: Haley
Creepy old man to teenage girls: Oh my god! Your feet! They're so beautiful. The toes and everything!
Teenage girl #1: Did he just say my… feet?
Teenage girl #2: Yes, he definitely just said our feet. Toes and everything.
Teenage girl #1: Figures.
–14th & 6th
Really pissed mom: And do you know what size unicorn they tried on her first? Medium.
–Macy's
Cafe employee, about pastries: Those look like fairy testicles.
–HopScotch Cafe
Overheard by: bildita
Guy yelling to passers-by: You're all materialistic, yuppie, vampire kings!
–W4th & Cornelia
Overheard by: greg
Man on cell: So Santa Claus will be there?
–Broadway & Wall St
Woman: When she was a newborn she looked exactly like Yoda, and then she grew up into Dopey.
–Penn Plaza
Five-year-old boy looking out of window: Ahh! I hate the sun! Vampires hate the sun!
–Q Train
Overheard by: LoRna
Dude: Mount Olympus is just, like, one giant trailer park.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jessica
Guy: People in Vietnam are different than us.
–Park & 24th
Overheard by: Sabrina
Girl to friend: Say something in British, or wherever you're from… Switzerland!
–8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Larry
Supposedly well-traveled woman: But you know where I want to go next? Buenos Aires! They haven't changed to the Euro yet.
–3rd & B
Hipster: I'm going to punch Uzbekistan.
–West 42nd St
Hipster girl to boyfriend: People like you, you're the reason people die in Mexico!
–18th & 1st
Overheard by: Jessica
Frat boy: That is the last time I am *ever* jacking off to gay porn.
–Gristedes, 42nd St
Overheard by: …while sober or drunk?
Frat boy to another frat boy staring intently at a young woman dressed as a Hogwarts student: I am really drunk!
–14th St & University Place
Midwest frat dude: The ugliest girls in New York City are like the hottest girls I've ever seen!
–St.Marks & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: slohmie
Frat boy: Dude, I'm not hating -I love gay guys. All I'm saying is -they buy a lot of Kosher wine.
–23rd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Dina
Frat boy: We've had sex everywhere… In cars, in public places…I've seen her vagina more times than I've seen my mother's!
–Wagner College
