Man: Skinny bitch.
Employee: Excuse me??
Man: Skinny bitch.
Employee: Um, if you’re looking for the book, you should ask at the information desk.
[Man walks in opposite direction.]Employee: Next time, you might want to preface that one…
Man, interrupting: I don’t have time to stand around and have a conversation about it.
–Strand Bookstore
Man pushing a child in a stroller to old woman walking slowly: Get out of the way!
[Shoves her out of the way, runs across the street frantically pushing the stroller.]Old woman: Next time I’ll kill your baby!
–Christopher & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Randy & Jen
Bimbette: So yesterday he called me to tell me that he’s going to beat my ass, and then he calls me today to ask if he can use my CD player.
–Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Robert
Seven-year-old girl: She better watch herself before I pimp slap her.
–Amsterdam Projects
Girl, to rest of her punk skater group: But I be like: "Bitch, I don’t skate… I just beat bitches with it."
–Astor Place & Broadway
Overheard by: Jynx
Lady on cell: Is someone else going to smack you?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Krisztina
Man on cell: What… You flubbed what? Listen dude, I’m in midtown, but it’s too far a cab ride to come beat a grown man’s ass.
–W Hotel, 49th & Lex
Overheard by: Miami Hitman
Bus driver to angry man: You want a piece of this? There are 26 places on the body that can kill you instantly. I can hit 4 in one shot. You wanna dance?!
–M16 Bus
Overheard by: nora!
Hungover sandwich maker lady: Man, I just wanna go home.
Girl, who clearly doesn’t want to make conversation: Mmmm.
Hungover sandwich maker lady: Man, I came in here drunk this morning!
Girl: Oh, uh, I’m sorry.
Hung-over sandwich maker lady: Why you sorry? I had the time of my life last night!
–Subway, 8th & University
White girl: I feel like saying: “Nigga, I don’t want your purses. You don’t know Louis Vuitton like I do. I fucked his ass last night.” Finna hit ’em with my nine inch.
Friend: Or you could just get shot…
White girl: Shit nigga, look at my ass with my North Face and pearls talkin nigga-trash…I’m bouta get shot nine times.
Friend: 50 style nigga.
–Canal St
Overheard by: oh white girls
Chick: No, seriously, man, I think your cat has rabies…
Guy, offended: And I thought you had rabies when I come home and find you hiding in my curtain yesterday, but I didn’t say anything then, did I?
–Greenwich Village
Hipster guy trying to make out with hipster girl: Come on baby, I swear I’m not drunk.
Exasperated hipster girl: Oh my god, I didn’t say you’re drunk, I said you have mono.
–Friday Night Bar Crawl, West 4th St
High-school teen to friend: So, like, every guy that likes me must totally be a pedophile.
–Flatbush & Dekalb, Brooklyn
13-year-old: I mean, he’s not a pedophile, he’s just very open with his sexuality, and I like that.
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kelly
Lesbian on cell: I just saw these girls and they were pretty. Really pretty. And fifteen. But then I heard them talking and I realized they were French! So it’s fine. Fifteen is legal there.
–36th St & Fifth Ave
Middle-aged teacher: I have this girl in my class that’s a six-year-old with a 46-year-old woman’s body.
–Prem-On Thai
Overheard by: office peon
Guy who just got more beer: This is the happiest place on earth… Except for that kindergarten I’m not allowed to go back to anymore.
–McSorley’s, 7th & 3rd
Overheard by: I’ll drink to that!
Seven-year-old boy running after another child: I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile!
–Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: that’swhathesaid
Drunk guy with thick NY accent: You girls… You girls are visiting the greatest city in the world.
Drunk tourist girls: [giggle.]Drunk guy with thick NY accent: You wanna know why? You wanna know why this is the greatest city in the world?
Drunk tourist girl #1: Why?
Drunk guy with thick NY accent: ‘Cause I can stand right here on the street and ask you to suck my balls.
Drunk girl #1: Um, you can ask us that anywhere.
Drunk girl #2: Yeah… We’re from Wisconsin and people there ask us that all the time.
–Thompson and Bleecker
Overheard by: I guess the Cheeseheads are more brazen than we thought
NYU smoker chick #1: You know, she doesn’t even do it at all.
NYU smoker chick #2: Like never? Wow, no wonder she’s so unhappy.
NYU smoker chick #1: Yeah, that’s what I said! I even bought her a vibrator, but she won’t use it!
NYU smoker chick #2: Really?
NYU smoker chick #1: Yeah, it was cute and everything. It looks like a flower. It was called the petal pleaser.
–NYU, University Place
