Elderly woman #1: Is Chelsea an important part of the city?
Elderly woman #2: Well, if you're gay…
–E 82nd St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: E.S.
Elderly woman #1: Is Chelsea an important part of the city?
Elderly woman #2: Well, if you're gay…
–E 82nd St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: E.S.
Irritated tourist mother to baffled seven-year-old daughter: Your father is such a fuckin' dickwad! And let me tell you–he wasn't even inspired the night we made you.
–Times Square
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Guy on cell: I haven't talked to my dad in over three years, and this morning he friended me on Facebook.
–1st Ave & 89th Street
Overheard by: Citats
Guy on cell: Well, I wouldn't say I have the best relationship with my father, no. Umm… Well, for example, if he answers the phone when I call the house he says "Oh. Hey, failure."
–Union Square
Overheard by: Olivia
Woman on cell to friend: Uh-huh girl, I brought William to his donors' house and he didn't want to watch him. I said "William, William, say goodbye to your donor because he don't wanna watch you today."
–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Upper East Side girl at brunch with girlfriends: I need to find a new apartment because when I do the walk of shame I keep running into my dad.
–80th St & 2nd Ave
Girl to boyfriend, after taking deep breath: Can you smell that? It's like the ghost of meats past!
–10th Ave, Meatpacking District
Suit: Turkey-bacon? How did you guys get them in one meat?
–Grand Central Place
Young lady to another: And then we were all treated to sausages…
–E. Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: Luke McPartlin
Five-year-old boy to bewildered mother: We're gonna go work for a giant meatball!
–86th St & Lexington
Distraught-looking white woman to boyfriend: I just wish I'd gotten the more expensive steak. (boyfriend nods sympathetically)
–Upper East Side
Dramatically upset woman outside bathroom: I knew I had to pee before, but I chose not to! And now I'm facing the consequences!
–La Lanterna, The Village
Overheard by: Sunny
Woman holding child: Does looking at the fountain make you have to pee? It makes mommy have to pee. It's only natural.
–Bryant Park
Guy to friend: No, seriously, I think I legit peed on that guy!
–30th St & 9th Ave
Guy on cell: No, I will not urinate with you!
–The Met
Woman in turtleneck to suit: I mean, people shouldn't only eat when they're hungry. (pause) Or go to the bathroom when they have to… only. That's like, bad for your bladder!
–86th St & 5th Ave
Woman on cell: I don't care about them. I don't care about their urine. I don't care about their office!
–Court & Carroll, Brooklyn
Male hipster: How was your birthday?
Female friend: My neighbor showed up in the morning to give me back my panties. I was like “did we sleep together?” and he said, “no, you just gave them to me.”
–85th & 3rd
Overheard by: Advisor Alicia
Chubby Midwestern woman on cell: Yeah, I'm at Saks Fifth Avenue right now.
–Burger King
Overheard by: willy cheesesteak
Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm heading west on 23rd.
–1st Ave
Overheard by: Angela
Suit on cell, pacing around fountain: Yeah, baby I'm so sick, I could barely get out of bed this morning, I dragged myself to the kitchen. Didn't go to work or anything. Yeah, I think I'm just going to try to sleep it off, tonight. Guess dinner's off, sorry.
–Central Park Fountain
Overheard by: Knows Suits on cells are always lying
Man on cell, entering subway station: Yeah, I'm going to my limousine now, I'll talk to you later.
–Subway, 66th & Broadway
Dude in hoodie on cell, exiting subway: No, baby, I can't–I'm in Manhattan. No, I'm in Manhattan!
–86th St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge
Man in jeans purchasing Doritos, on cell: Dude, I can't talk right now, I'm running in the marathon. Call you back in a few hours?
–Duane Reade, 87th & York
Overheard by: Upper East Sider
Angry drunk girl to Guido friend she's dragging along: Hey, it's Laura*! (yelling) Hey you, Laura, you fucking slut! I heard you fucked Tommy*! You fucked my boyfriend, you fucking whore!
Laura: Hey, fuck you! I'll fuck whoever I want to fuck.
Angry drunk girl: You fucking slut! I can't fucking believe you!
Laura: Pipe down. His dick is tiny. Get a man with a real package, then I'll fuck him, and then you can complain.
Angry drunk girl: You whore!
Passerby: God, I love me some Bridge and Tunnel on a Saturday night.
Angry drunk girl: Did he just call us “Bridge and Tunnel”?! That dick!
–86th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Actually, it's WHOMever: you'll fuck WHOMever you want to fuck.
Man with entourage: So I killed one just before I went to sleep. (entourage laughs) Yeah, and I left it on her ceiling as a warning.
–Bleecker & Broadway
Dude walking down street: And if I kill him, I'm certified to bring him back to life…
–Brooklyn
Old man to another: You know, I don't even give a shit if I die anymore!
–E 84th St
Girl to friend: Why would you put the poison in milk?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Michela
20-something guy: Fucking corduroy! I've gotta tell ya, I fucking love corduroy! I swear to god, I'd kill for corduroy!
–J.Crew Men's Store
Overheard by: Pedro
Lady to foreign friend: These 13 circles have the names of the original colonies from when Columbus landed in America.
–Conservatory Garden, 105th & 5th
Teenage girl to friend: But Trotsky was totally doing Lenin, you can't deny it.
–1 Train
Friend in elevator showing old photos from Rome: There's the Colosseum. You know. Where the lions and the Catholics had their thing.
–7th & 31st
Overheard by: Greg
Teenage boy to another: Y'know what I'd like to see? Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage fight.
–6th Ave & 54th St
Overheard by: Dale
Bimbo #1: What is The Vagina Monologues about?
Bimbo #2: I think its about like… The history of like…
Older man, stretching: Penises.
–New York Sports Club, 86th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: stillinshock
