Violence

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Do Much About the Adam's Apple

Brooklyn grandmother to another: My grandson is so different now that he's become a woman.

–4 Train

Middle aged man in binoculars on cell: Yeah! And just like that she threw me out! She kicked me out on my ass! She walked in and I was in her bra… and that was it!

–87th & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: GoneWithThe

Small black guy: Of course I'm a transvestite! Why else do you think it took you three guys to beat me up?

–W 36th St

Overheard by: Ellen

Twink to others: Sometimes you think a little boy is a child and then he turns out to be a much older woman.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Urch

Attractive blonde: And then the… transvestite beauty queen thing happened. You know?

–Middagh & Henry

Overheard by: Matty

Do Wednesday One-Liners Amuse You? Do They Exist to Make You Laugh?

Professor: Fat people are often funny.

–Baruch College

Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!

–Riverdale

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!

–F Train

Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.

–8th St & Broadway

Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.

–Williamsburg

Disarming the Papaya Serfs Was Key

Man: Excuse me, do you have any regular forks? This fry fork is too small.
Hot dog guy: Sorry, sir, all we have are these cocktail forks. We don’t have any regular ones.
Hot dog girl: Yeah, they’re afraid we’d used the regular forks to stab each other.

–Papaya King, West 14th Street

Overheard by: Gozer the Gozarian

Then You’ll Be a Very Special Kind of Bitch

Mom, to little girl: Don’t you ever say ‘bitch’ again, or I will knock all of your teeth out!

–6 train

That, and Rides to the Mall

Balding guy: My nuns were into emotional abuse.
Old lady: That’s horrible. That’s what parents are for.

–42nd & Lex

Overheard by: kathrine

You Suck the Fun Out Of Everything, Lisa

20-something girl: It's made just from the hair of Russian virgins.
20-something female friend: That's gross. It's like they're sacrificing them or something. And what–are they, like, children?
20-something girl: Well, maybe just the hair is virgin, like it's never been dyed.

–Columbus Circle

Nature or Nurture, NYC Edition

Girl: Mum, I can’t get through.
Mum: Honey, I’ve told you before, you have to push and shove past the people otherwise you’ll never get through.

–Rockefeller Center

Psh, Girls Do That All the Time

College guy, running away: I wasn't cheating! That's how you play hide-and-seek!
Girl, running after him with baseball bat: You can't hide home base!

–North Woods, Central Park

That Poor Blow-Up Doll

Chick #1: I think he beats her, you know.
Chick #2: No!
Chick #1: Yeah. But that’s just, like, how boys get out their frustration.

–Central Park

The Excessive Violence of Wednesday One-liners

Suit: All right, here’s my analysis. We are going to take Steve and put him in the middle of Times Square and set him on fire.

–Nassau & Wall

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