Do Wednesday One-Liners Amuse You? Do They Exist to Make You Laugh?

Professor: Fat people are often funny.

–Baruch College

Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!

–Riverdale

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!

–F Train

Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.

–8th St & Broadway

Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.

–Williamsburg

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hair, Hard Drugs, Laughter, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, The Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Disarming the Papaya Serfs Was Key

Man: Excuse me, do you have any regular forks? This fry fork is too small.
Hot dog guy: Sorry, sir, all we have are these cocktail forks. We don’t have any regular ones.
Hot dog girl: Yeah, they’re afraid we’d used the regular forks to stab each other.

–Papaya King, West 14th Street

Overheard by: Gozer the Gozarian

Posted on December 14, 2014
Anger Management, Coffee, Junk Food & Fast Food, Restaurants & Cafes, Stab, The Village, Violence

Then You’ll Be a Very Special Kind of Bitch

Mom, to little girl: Don’t you ever say ‘bitch’ again, or I will knock all of your teeth out!

–6 train

Posted on December 14, 2014
Default, Education, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Threats, Violence, Words

That, and Rides to the Mall

Balding guy: My nuns were into emotional abuse.
Old lady: That’s horrible. That’s what parents are for.

–42nd & Lex

Overheard by: kathrine

Posted on December 9, 2014
Christianity, Comebacks, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Parents, Violence, Women

You Suck the Fun Out Of Everything, Lisa

20-something girl: It's made just from the hair of Russian virgins.
20-something female friend: That's gross. It's like they're sacrificing them or something. And what–are they, like, children?
20-something girl: Well, maybe just the hair is virgin, like it's never been dyed.

–Columbus Circle

Posted on December 9, 2014
Friends, Girls, Hair, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Violence, Virginity

Nature or Nurture, NYC Edition

Girl: Mum, I can’t get through.
Mum: Honey, I’ve told you before, you have to push and shove past the people otherwise you’ll never get through.

–Rockefeller Center

Posted on December 6, 2014
Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Philosophy, Tourist Attractions, Violence

Psh, Girls Do That All the Time

College guy, running away: I wasn't cheating! That's how you play hide-and-seek!
Girl, running after him with baseball bat: You can't hide home base!

–North Woods, Central Park

Posted on December 5, 2014
Central Park, Fighting and ass kicking, Frat Boys, Girls, Parks, Sports, Violence

That Poor Blow-Up Doll

Chick #1: I think he beats her, you know.
Chick #2: No!
Chick #1: Yeah. But that’s just, like, how boys get out their frustration.

–Central Park

Posted on December 4, 2014
Central Park, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Violence

The Excessive Violence of Wednesday One-liners

Suit: All right, here’s my analysis. We are going to take Steve and put him in the middle of Times Square and set him on fire.

–Nassau & Wall

Posted on November 29, 2014
One-liners, Suits, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesdays Wonder How Much Their One-Liners Would Bring on the Open Market

Serious 40-something man to five-year-old girl: So why do I always have to be the one to buy dinner?

–8th Ave & 44th St

Overheard by: Dean

Mother to toddler: Why you always gotta sing Barney? Always Barney! You are so annoying! I'm sick of Barney.

–1 Train

Middle-aged Jewish man to eleven-year-old girl: But I don't think you have to worry about that, Talia, because there are very few Zoroastrians around these days.

–93rd & Broadway

Ghetto father making out with ghetto girl, to two-year-old tugging at his jeans: Nigga, stop cock-blockin me!

–Fordham Road

Overheard by: Laura

Angry mom to eight-year-old son: When I find that brick, you're in big trouble!

–Kane St & Clinton St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Phycobilins

Emphatic mom to child holding her hand: You've gotta hold my hand! I'm forty-six years old and I still hold my mommy's hand! I'm forty-six years old! So you've gotta hold my hand!

–50th & 9th

Overheard by: Christiana Little

Posted on November 26, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dads, Family Ties, Food, Ghetto Chicks, Gripes, Jews, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Religion, Sex, Street, The Bronx, Threats, TV, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness