Old man: I went to a party the other night–it was a girlfriend-swapping party!
Cook: Oh, yeah?
Old man: I hadda throw in cash!
–Greasy Spoon, Church St
Overheard by: missal
Old man: I went to a party the other night–it was a girlfriend-swapping party!
Cook: Oh, yeah?
Old man: I hadda throw in cash!
–Greasy Spoon, Church St
Overheard by: missal
Guy in line to pay, on cell: Hi. I’m calling to say I want a divorce. I keep calling and calling, and leaving messages, and sending you texts, but you never get back to me. So I guess this is it. I’m going to have papers drawn up unless you call me back. Okay, bye.
–J&R Computer Store, Park Row
Overheard by: Just trying to buy a PSP case
Hobo: When I point, everybody smell collard greens.
–6 train
Friend #1: Oh! We should all ride our bikes to Red Hook, check out the ball field, get Swedish meatballs at Ikea and hang out at the flea market.
Friend #2:: I… can't… do that.
Friend #1: Why? Oh, do you not own a bike?
Friend #2: No, I don't. And… I also don't know how to ride a bike.
Friend #1: What? And you live in Williamsburg?
Friend #3: Hey, it's ironic.
–South Street Seaport
Guy to friends: My goal in life is to get as many dicks in my ass as possible.
Random girl: Mine too!
–Canal St
Attorney: Do you know where the 26th Precinct is?
Police officer: No…Wait, that’s where I left my gun…No, I don’t know where it is.
–Manhattan Criminal Court
Overheard by: Bemused Public Defender
Queer: Hanging out with him is like doing charity work.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: J. Ann
Ghetto girl to thug: You can’t touch this. Keep reminiscin’, mothafucka.
–106th & Columbus
Overheard by: Shmoop
Guy on cell: I’ll be real with you, man. I know more than you. I know a lot more than you.
–17th & 5th
Altruist: He’s really nice so I just fake it sometimes.
–Elevator, 120 Wall St
Overheard by: Aubrie
Teen girl: She did what? Oh my God, she is, like, so off my top 8.
–1 train
Queer: Well, I do like the person you want to be.
–Washington & Charles
Loud chick: Who knows how he lucked out into marrying her? I’m just always thinking, lady, you are hot, and yet you married an Ewok.
–Starbucks, 71st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Guy #1: Did you know that scientists say that sperm smells?
Guy #2: Do you mean that sperm can smell its way to the pussy or that sperm just smells in general?
–Elevator, Tribeca
Girl on cell: Yeah, baby, I’m all alone in my apartment on my bed. I’m taking my panties off now. Mmm, I’m touching myself, thinking of you. I’m all wet for you, baby.
–outside Starbucks, 54th & Broadway
Suit on cell: Yes, I’m wearing suspenders.
–Wall & Broadway
Overheard by: Alexis
Screaming mom: You have no idea what goes on in this world! Open your eyes and get a goddamn clue already!
Laughing son, ignoring her: Derrr…
–Hudson & Bank
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
