Chick: No, seriously, man, I think your cat has rabies…
Guy, offended: And I thought you had rabies when I come home and find you hiding in my curtain yesterday, but I didn’t say anything then, did I?
–Greenwich Village
Chick: No, seriously, man, I think your cat has rabies…
Guy, offended: And I thought you had rabies when I come home and find you hiding in my curtain yesterday, but I didn’t say anything then, did I?
–Greenwich Village
PetCo employee: If your goldfish dies within the first fifteen days, you can return it for a full refund.
Customer: Do I bring back the corpse?
–Union Square PetCo
Overheard by: Jenny
Bald white guy: You know Steve, right?
Asian woman: Steve? Who’s Steve?
Bald white guy: Oh, he’s the gay guy with the three-legged dog.
–43rd & 9th
Salesperson to small shaking dog: Are you cold or scared?
Man holding small shaking dog: He’s afraid of dildos.
–Babeland, LES
Girl #1: What the shit? They have dog lip chap?
Girl #2: That reminds me, I need to pick some up. Andy’s dick chafes my lips so bad.
–Le Chien
Overheard by: Amy Araya
Guy: Do we have to get it spayed? I mean, male cats spray — what do females do?
Girl: They whine and howl and bleed all over the place.
Guy: So they do just what you do?
Girl: Basically, yeah.
–Columbia University
Wife: So, I’m allergic to cats.
Husband: And I’m allergic to dogs.
Wife: So there was no choice, really.
Old guy: But aren’t ferrets illegal here?
Husband: If the city can let those damn marsupial-sized rats run around the tracks, then I sure as hell can have a ferret!
Wife: Besides, do you have any idea how fun it is trying to smuggle a smelly, squeaking animal out of an apartment right past the chain-smoking landlord? Getting the damn thing to the vet is even funner!
–Penn Station
Man on cell: So, my boss texted me and wanted to know about fleshlights…
–B train
Loud lady on cell: So you’re the one who sent me a text message saying, ‘A penis is the best breakfast because it has two eggs, a sausage, and milk’!
–Q25 bus
Chick on cell: You may have texted me about him, but because it was Halloween, I was too busy flogging dogs.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McF.
Plagiarist: … And he sent me a text message saying, ‘I guess I have to do your homework now, L-O-L,’ and I’m like, ‘What’s the L-O-L for? You think this is a joke?!’
–Baruch Collge, Newman Vertical Campus
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Girl on cell: They were texting you from downstairs? Oooh, that’s gay.
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Jenya
Friend: So, what did you do last night, Amy?
Woman: Well, I kicked my husband off the bed so I could sleep with my daughter and Fluffy. Men are so overrated.
–5th & Madison
Overheard by: Tjay
Jersey tween #1: Who needs six dogs?
Jersey tween #2: Seriously… Who the fuck needs six dogs?
Jersey tween #3: Me?
–NJ Transit leaving Penn Station
