A Wednesday for Breakfast, a One-Liner for Lunch, and a Sensible Dinner

Dancer girl: I dunno, I mean, like, I wish they made a size like, triple zero, so I would have something to look forward to, y’know?

–Central Park

Man: Yeah, that’s how you gain weight: a backed-up colon. I cleaned mine out this weekend.

–B54 Bus

Overheard by: Alma Molato

Old woman, very loudly, in the middle of the movie: Boy, is she skinny!

–Movie theater, 86th Street b/w 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: The New York Crank

Girl on cell: If bitch can’t afford to buy her own groceries, she can just get skinny!

–Green Village Used Clothing, Bushwick

Anorexic fashionista: Any self-respecting anorexic knows that!

–Lincoln Center, 62nd & 9th

Man on cell: You went to a party last night? Well, that means you have to do three hours tomorrow. And I want you to drink lots of water, but none of that crystal light crap. That is seven calories that you do not need.

–Blockbuster, Broadway

Posted on November 26, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anorexic, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Central Park, Clothing, Diet/Weight, Fashionistas, Food, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Men, Money & Class, Movie Theaters, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, Store, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

These Days It's Just Called “Ritalin”

4th-grade thug #1: Yo, I heard they was doin' some drugs.
4th-grade thug #2: Psshh, everybody be doin' drugs nah-a-days.
4th-grade thug #1: Yeeeaaah, you right, you right.

–Colden St, Flushing

Posted on November 25, 2014
Drugs, Queens, Street, Thugs, Weirdness

“Barefoot in the Park 2: Drunk and Disorderly”

Girl: Why aren’t you wearing any shoes?
Guy: I lost them a few hours ago. I don’t know where they went!
Girl: You’re such a drunk.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on November 24, 2014
Brooklyn, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Questions, Shoes, Weirdness

But Compulsory Animal Crackers and Juice Would Just Be Inhumane

Loud dude: I think nap time should be enforced by the government. Anyone who doesn't take a nap should be sent to jail.
Friend: Yeah, nap jail!

–D Train

Posted on November 22, 2014
Crime and Punishment, Friends, Guys, On the Subway, Politics, Prison, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are My Anti-Drug

Hot black girl: Where did summer go? Now we're all back to wearing glasses and snorting Adderall… or taking it with water.

–24th St & 3rd Ave

Guy to friend: If I just gave up speed I'd totally be getting more ass.

–Bleecker & LaGuardia

Overheard by: Jack

Guy to another: Yeah, so you take a gram of coke, then mix it with a ground-up Xanax, then mash up an E. Then you put it all into pill form, and down it with a Sparks!

–N Train

Architecture professor: Everything in moderation… except for heroin. Heroin, you go for the gusto.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Posted on November 22, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Black People, Cocaine, College, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Drugs, Fashion, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Medicine, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Time, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners–Not for the Calorie-Conscious

3rd grader, cheerily announcing to subway: I'm starving! I didn't even have breakfast! (jubilantly) Just candy!

–4 Train

Overheard by: i tried that once

Cosi employee to another: Dude, don't tell anyone, but I put a *special ingredient* in the brownies.

–Cosi Restaurant

Fat girl with three skinny friends and a large cupcake: So what do you think our cupcake choices say about our personalities?

–Crumbs Bake Shop

Overheard by: Damon

Old guy with ponytail: You bootlegged My Bloody Valentine? That's like breaking into the US Mint and stealing the chocolate sauce!

–7th Ave

Overheard by: Good Analogy

Girl: And by "jellybean," I mean "fetus"!

–Christopher & W 4th St

Woman: It's no longer a chocolate vagina, it's just a pool of chocolate!

–Manhattan Center Grand Ballroom

Overheard by: Ilyssa

Posted on November 22, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Fat People, Food, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Music, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Passengers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Psychology, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Skinny People, Street, The Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

The Results of Ann's Word-Association Test Would Haunt Her Throughout Her Career

Nursing student #1: What about backpacks?
Nursing student #2: Mmm…Nazis.

–Wagner College

Posted on November 21, 2014
College, Hitler/Nazis, Questions, Students, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Expand Their Fecabulary

Cyclist: So he was all, "my shit is your shit," and I thought, "that's the most romantic thing I've heard."

–Central Park

Dude on cell, checking out sunblock: They don't have shit here. SPF 15 is too high!

–Duane Reade, Flushing

Toddler that dropped his toy: Oh, shit!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

10-year-old boy to friend: That was like the first time I ever took a shit in a public bathroom.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Man in baggy jeans walking with gusto: Oh, yes, oh yeah. She wanted my shiiit… She wanted my shit!

–6 Train

Chick to friends: He is totally going to shit a tampon!

–84th St & Amsterdam

Posted on November 21, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Duane Reade, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Love, Men, Menstruation, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Poop, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

As Kind of a “Welcome to the Neighborhood”

Hispanic guy to tall guy passing by: Pssst!
(tall guy turns head without stopping)
Tall guy: No, thanks. (keeps walking and Hispanic guy starts following him)
Hispanic guy: Psssssst!
(tall guy stops at door, opens it)
Hispanic guy: Oh, you live here. I live over there. Why don't you let me suck your dick?

–35th & 9th

Overheard by: Brad

Posted on November 20, 2014
BJs, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Queer guys, Weirdness

Aw, It's Almost Like a Christmas Atmosphere!

Patriot: Happy motherfucking America Day, everyone!
20-something: It's called the 4th of July, dumbass.
Patriot: You shut your goddamn liberal commie bitch ass mouth, you fuckin terrorist!

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Graham Davis

Posted on November 20, 2014
Assholes, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Insults, Strangers, Terrorism, Weirdness

Weirdness