Wednesday One-Liners by Dan Brown

Loud bar patron, reading new item on menu: Anybody know what artisan cheese is? Anybody at all? (mutters) Shit man, this is Astoria, we don't know no artisan cheese.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Jesse

Guy: He said "when you cum yourself." I looked at him and said "that is not how you say that."

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Jill

Girl to friend: So, you see, I was right! It's spelled w-h-e-r-e!

–McDonald's

Guy: And stop trying to rhyme words with other words.

–16th St & 8th Ave

Guy to girl: I am really into words, especially long ones. I love them, and like, collect them. There is a word for people like that, but it's pretty long, so I can't remember it.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Eavesdropper

Lady: He doesn't speak English good, so he gots deported.

–Park Slope

Posted on September 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Bosses, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Cum, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hunter, Languages, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners, with Tongue.

College girl to friend, disappointed: You know? I only made out with one of them…

–NYU Dorm

(hobo shakes can with change and interrupts couple in heated makeout session)
Bitchy girlfriend, shrieking: Seriously? Seriously? Are you seriously asking me now? We're in the middle of making out. Seriously?

–Ave B & 7th St

Overheard by: friend of the mole people

Guido to another: When you're makin' out, the next thing you know, you could be bangin'.

–Staten Island

Girl to guy friend: Once you get married, we are never going to be able to make out anymore.

–Houston & Mulberry

Man to friend: It's like that time I saw two women on walkers making out. I love New York!

–45th & 10th

Overheard by: Drunk

Posted on September 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Couples, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guidos, Hobos, Infidelity, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Lower East Side, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, One-liners, Only in New York, Promiscuity, Questions, Sorority Girls, Staten Island, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Would Like to Thank the Academy

Girl to a friend: I was piss drunk when I saw The Passion Of The Christ.

–Chelsea

Skateboarding juvenile delinquent to crew: We are totally like the movie Kids, all that's left is for me to get Aids.

–Mott & Prince

Overheard by: Dirty needle or gay sex, your choice

Suit to another: The soundtrack to Big Top Pee-wee was amazing.

–St. Mark's Place

Seven-year-old Asian boy to mother, during the movie Up: He loved and he lost…

–Regal Union Square Theater

Crazy 30-something man: Excuse me! You probably think I'm looking for money. I'm not. But I'm looking for a companion! A girl, aged 18 to 25, and she must have a DVD player, so we can watch movies!

–1 Train

Overheard by: nella

Posted on September 9, 2009
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Jesus, Kids, Love, Moms, Money & Class, Movies, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Skaters, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners, As God Made Them

Woman on cell: You know, if it weren't for you, I'd be naked right now!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Woman on cell: So I enrolled him in that clothing optional preschool…

–Midtown

Overheard by: My preschool wasn't like that!

Burly guy on cell: Do me a favor: when you get back to the shop… No, listen, when you get back to the shop, sit backwards on the bike and have him rev it up. Naked. You'll cum in three seconds. No, trust me, trust me. Alright? Love you, darlin'. Bye.

–45th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: I want to ride my bicycle

Guy on cell: Alright, well, if I see you naked I'm probably gonna run away.

–15th & 8th

Girl, looking at nude painting: Finally, a woman with pubes!

–MoMA

Posted on September 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Cum, Elementary & Middle School, Girls, Guys, Hair, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, MoMA, Nudity, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Street, Time, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

WTF?

Asian cabbie: I am happy cabbie!
Man: I'm sure you are! (goes to hail another cab)
Asian cabbie: You google me! You google, happy cabbie, happy cabbie!

–Ave of the Americas

Posted on September 8, 2009
Asians, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Google, Happiness, Men, Street, Weirdness

When We Have Liquid Latex?

Guy #1: In the future, no one will wear pants. People will realize how unnecessary they are.
Guy #2: Or maybe Spandex will come back…

–B Train

Posted on September 7, 2009
Clothing, Guys, On the Subway, Weirdness

It's the Root Cause Of All Human Suffering

JAP #1: I hate when people use the word “do.”
JAP #2: (stares)
JAP #1: Like wrong.

–The Quad Cinema

Overheard by: selface

Posted on September 6, 2009
Gripes, JAPs, Movie Theaters, Weirdness, Words

What Happens When You Cheat on the Test

Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna love pediatrics!
Dude #2: Dude, I know. Dude! I was at the clinic, and there was this girl, you know, already laid back in the chair. She was waiting for something, I don't know, I don't know what she was waiting for, but she was already back in the chair, and… dude, she was sick hot. Like, she was a local, but she looked like a Dominican Jennifer Lopez.
Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna have so much fun with that!
Dude #2: I know, dude. I'm gonna fuckin lay my talons into that shit. Single moms? There are gonna be a ton of single moms! Third year? Good times, dude!
Dude #1: (chuckles into the stunned silences of dudes #3 and #4)
Dude #2: I'm glad I took ethics, dude. Shit, ethics? I didn't really learn a whole lot from ethics, dude.
Dudes #3 and #4: (amplified stunned silence)

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Lili

Posted on September 5, 2009
About Celebrities, Beauty, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Library, Medicine, Parents, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, School and studying, Weirdness

We're Not at the Point Where We Can Discuss Money

Big goofy guy in Yankees jacket: I just need some money for rent.
Little girl with half-braided hairstyle: You told me you wanted me to move on. Why don't you ask your girlfriend for money?

–40th St & 8th Ave

Posted on September 5, 2009
Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Relationships, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…And You Refused to Ask That Guy for Directions.

Asian girlfriend: Do you know where you're going? Are you gonna get me lost again?
Ghetto Asian boyfriend: I know what I'm doing.
Asian girlfriend: That's what you said when we were in bed.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Adriana

Posted on September 3, 2009
Asians, Couples, Questions, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Weirdness