Worried-looking middle aged guy to passers-by: Am I walking Uptown?
Indifferent New Yorker: Yeah.
Worried-looking middle aged guy, face collapsing: Oh, no.
–114th & Broadway
Worried-looking middle aged guy to passers-by: Am I walking Uptown?
Indifferent New Yorker: Yeah.
Worried-looking middle aged guy, face collapsing: Oh, no.
–114th & Broadway
Marketing girl: Would you like to try a new perfume? It's for you and your pet!
–Bryant Park, Outside Fashion Week Tents
Overheard by: jycho
Girl: I told my mom that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Yesterday she sent me an e-mail with a link to petfinder.com.
–Student Center, Barnard
Overheard by: Kristine
Man trying to sell comedy club tickets: Cheaper than an abortion! More entertaining than the crucifixion! More fun than euthanizing your pets!
–50th Ave & Broadway
Overheard by: Colleen
Queer on cell: Well, women are just pets for straight men.
–E 10th St
Woman on cell: So are you going to tell your daughter that you ate her pet?
–20th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jesse S G
Black guy: Yeah, Superman — he hangs out around 42nd Street. He might go uptown every once in a while, but you never see his ass in Brooklyn. That’s ridiculous — Superman can not be killed by bullets, and he still won’t come to Brooklyn.
Black lady: You’re right. What about Batman?
Black guy: Oh, he probably has to come through Brooklyn — you know, that brother lives out on Long Island.
Black lady: He probably comes through Brooklyn, but you know he’s not getting out of that Batmobile.
Black guy: I’m sure he’s damn careful when he stops, too. Those are some ballin’ rims he’s got on that whip. If he ever parked, them shits would definitely get stolen!
–3 train
Overheard by: Chris
Judge to room packed with prospective jurors: I am going to give you a number to call in case of an emergency. You should copy this down. The number is 917-480… (pause) Oh shit! (mic becomes muffled). Um, sorry. That was my cell phone number.
–Supreme Court Building
Woman on cell: Our codependent lewdity shall rage on, Verizon! Take that!
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: McF
Hipsterette to another: Well, you shouldn't have to sleep with someone to find out if he's going to call you back.
–Coffee Shop, Park Slope
Overheard by: TheGreenCat
Conductor: There is a C train just across the platform. For those of you who have a sudden urge for a change of plans and wish to abandon your plans to go to Park Slope tonight, you can hop off here and take the C to East New York. I hope you have a phone to call your family, you won't be home for dinner!
–F Train
Overheard by: Staying on the F
Girl in bathroom stall on cell: Okay, my phone is dying, I will call you later. (pause) Call you from a payphone? I don't know how to use one of those.
–School, Lower Manhattan
Well-dressed woman walking tiny dog, yelling into cell: You know what, John? You can e-mail, don't even call me. I don't want you on my phone. (pause) Hello?
–Columbus Circle
Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.
–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Emily B.
40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?
–Starbucks
Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.
–Queens College
Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.
–22nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Rachel Peters
Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!
–B44 Bus
Overheard by: Micah
Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Smudge
Man with beard to friend: You should stick with her. I mean, she's giving you her kidney!
–77th & Columbus
Teen hipster, commenting on girl's nose: It's not too nosy, but you know it's a nose.
–Starbucks, 71st & Broadway
Overheard by: Maddie
Girl: She just really needs that second body, you know?
–W 16th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
Guy yelling to friend: So I said "My rectum? My rectum!?"
–Broadway & John St
Guy on phone: No, bitch, you rub my belly!
–Houston St
Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Folks, I apologize for the delay, the conductor had to make a pit stop…when you get old, your kidneys start to fail.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Kristin
20-something gal: I didn’t really like him, I just wanted a boyfriend.
–Fulton & Gold
Overheard by: Craig, Marykate and Maryanne
20-something girl on cell: What, my boyfriend? Oh, he’s with his wife tonight.
–Remsen & Clinton, Brooklyn
Flamboyantly gay man (to himself): He’s just jealous because I have a new boyfriend!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Liz
French woman, earnestly: I’m okay with him sleeping with my boyfriend as long as he starts paying for his own drinks.
–1020 Bar, 110th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Hipster bike punk: I call her my special lady friend and she calls me her gentlemen caller… because boyfriend and girlfriend are too possessive.
–Mud Bar, East Village
Overheard by: raf
Douchey guy #1, wearing a shirt with the word Wang across it, his face buried in a shrub: Dude, I just smelled bush in public.
Douchey guy #2, wearing the same shirt: Dude, I love smelling bush in public.
–60th & Broadway
Old lady #1: Well, we had already put ten thousand in the bank, so the Feds didn’t get ahold of that, thank God.
Old lady #2: Oh, good. Will that cover the cost of the lawyer?
Old lady #1: His Highness doesn’t want one.
–Veselka, 9th & 2nd
Overheard by: Cpt. Kate
Guy in monk costume: I mean, it would be so easy to hide in this outfit.
Friend: Yeah, really.
Guy in monk costume: I'll just shoot it under the robe. I mean, after all, it is Halloween!
–26th & 5th
