Anatomically-Correct Wednesday One-Liners

Serious guy to another: See these hands? These are my bread and butter!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hi-D

Well-dressed 25-year-old on phone: Yes. (pause) Please spare me the placenta. (pause) Okay, well, as long as it's clean.

–Key Foods

Woman on cell: So, she doesn't think her body is going to be ready by then?

–32nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Publius

Man on cell: I wish I could just take my legs off. That would be so much easier.

–45th St & Ave of the Americas

Loud chick: Yeah, I'm still taking French classes. Last week we did commands, and this week we're learning, like, body parts.

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

20-something girl on cell: But I have several heads…

–Metro-North Rail

Three-year-old boy to punk girl in black fishnets, as he pokes though holes: Um… why is your legs trapped?

–Thompkins Square Park

Posted on December 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Education, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Punks, Questions, School and studying, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Winesday One-Liners

Mom on cell: So, she's a drunkard and you're taking her to a wine tasting?

–Park Ave

Overheard by: bad idea

Snooty hipster to girlfriend: This event is missing two things. One is wine and the other is cheese.

–Book Signing, Cobble Hill

Man to woman, looking at a wine list: Sure it's good wine. Brandon buys it by the case and takes it fishing.

–W Hotel Restaurant

Overheard by: Bob Leblaw

Crazy MTA employee lady: If you step over the line you will get a fine! And will not be able to dine on all that boxed wine! The fine, it will not be divine! And then you will whine. So don't step over the yellow line!

–4 Train

Overheard by: also stepped over the line

Posted on December 23, 2009
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Girlfriends, Hipsters, Hotels, Men, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

How Are Wednesday One-Liners Like Network TV, Alex?

Guy to boyfriend: I think you're boring. I'm bored.

–W 15th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Thompson

Woman on cell: I got so bored at work that I started talking to my mosquito bite! I told it to stop making me itch.

–58th St & 9th Ave

11-year-old boy to friends: I'm not ready for death. It's boring. All you do is fly around in the air.

–7 Train

Kid to family, looking at camels: I'm just gonna come right out and say it: 'dis is really fuckin' boring!

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Tyler

Posted on December 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Comebacks, Death, Families, Friends, Guys, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Street, The Bronx, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Also a Major Drawback Of Christianity

Old lady, observing lavish Christmas display: No, no, no. This is horrible.
Friend: What's so bad about it? Early Christmas stuff is just supposed to make you happy.
Old lady: All it does is make me feel like I'm dying even faster.

–Kohl's Store

Overheard by: ho ho ho

Posted on December 21, 2009
Beauty, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Happiness, Old People, Store, Women

Gosh, I Miss The Girls Next Door

Middle aged woman #1: We're fine.
Middle aged woman #2: We're not drunk.
Middle aged woman #3, in pink feather boa: I am.

–46th & 6th

Posted on December 20, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Weirdness, Women

Christian Siriano: “Wednesday Is a Hot One-Liner Mess”

Disco-glam drag queen: It was! It was baby oil, and I knew it!

–Rubulad, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Katie

Black drag queen in kimono: I'm a corn pone Southern faggot, we do not do yoga.

–Tribeca

Overheard by: Ryan K

Hysterical Latina transvestite: My life is in my ass, mijo!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Jean

Drag queen hooker to older lady staring at her: You so wish you could wear a onesie like me.

–MTA

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drag queens, Health and Hygiene, Latinos, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Trannies, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Yoga

Smooth, Silky Wednesday One-Liners

Teen to friends: I want to get a haircut, but every time I get a haircut I get arrested.

–Union Square

Cashier: This line is closed! Unless one of y'all wants to drive me to my hair appointment!

–Home Depot

Woman to friend: Why can't he have a normal man haircut? Like, with short sides?

–Dekalb Ave & Oxford

Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula

Manic lady to no one in particular: Pay homage to my hair!

–B61 Bus

Drunk hipster: Donald Trump's hair is the Blarney Stone of New York.

–East Village

Overheard by: Concerned Irishman

Posted on December 16, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Bus, Cars and Driving, Cashiers, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Drunks, Friends, Hair, Hipsters, On the Bus, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Store, Street, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Star in P.S. – I Lavatory You

Guy, rushing into room: Guys, come here. I need a witness in the bathroom right now.

–Times Square

Screaming Latino stepping into urinal: Ah! Ah! Ah! Sorry y'all, I just got dem crabs, so it hurts when it comes out.

–South Ferry

Voice from cubicle emitting diarrhea sounds the day after Yom Kippur: Ugh, Jewish holidays.

–Broadway

Woman coming out of bathroom: I just heard the woman in the stall next to me say, "I love my ample taint."

–Astoria

Overheard by: Alison R

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Body Parts, Ferry, Guys, Judaism, Latinos, Manhattan, Offers and requests, One-liners, Poop, Queens, Sensory Experiences, STDs, Strangers, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Oscar the Grouch's Attorney Argues That Different Laws Apply to Muppets

Horrified woman to cop: Um, sir? There's a homeless man by the garbage can with his pants down.
Cop, exasperated: Awwww, naked guy!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Fi

Posted on December 10, 2009
Anger Management, Clothing, Cops, Homeless, Penn Station, Women

Number Four: Mom Jeans?? Really?

Woman, staring at the train subway map: Excuse me, how do you get to the 1 train?
Large black guy: Number one, you get an education.
Woman: No no, how do you get to the 1 train?
Large black guy: Number one, you get an education. Number two, you look at the map. Number three, don't talk to strangers.

–Uptown NQRW

Overheard by: Knows which strangers not to talk to

Posted on December 8, 2009
Advice, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Black People, Directions, Education, Fat People, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Women

Women