Female customer: Does my ShopRite card work here?
Bored cashier: No, this is a Gristedes.
Customer: Well, I was just curious about their relationship.
Bored cashier: Like any good relationship, it's all about boundaries.
–Gristedes
Overheard by: bemused
Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something.
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: Alyssa
Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth!
–Starbucks, 8th & 39th
Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay!
–Times Square
Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best
Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years…
–Duane Reade
Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth.
–48th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Rebecca
Woman: Where are you going on your vacation?
Man with suitcase: I'm gonna go down south, drink a few piña coladas, and smoke a lot of pot!
–Metro-North
Overheard by: sounds relaxing
Woman: Yeah, you know, my oldest son’s father wasn’t circumcised.
Friend: Really?
Woman: Yeah.
Friend: What’d it taste like?
–12th St & 5th Ave
Woman: I know why you’re doing this [handing out flyers.]
Jew for Jesus: Oh, why?
Woman: Because you’re jealous that we have Christmas and you all want to be able to put up a tree and lights and decorate!
–Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
African American middle-aged lady #1: So my neighbor said they are moving to Pennsylvania.
African American middle-aged lady #2: Yeah, I know people are moving there. It's to avoid the criminal element.
African American middle-aged lady #1: They are the criminal element!
–M1 Bus
Man: What’s that black band on your wrist for? Everyone has those things now. Is it like Kabbalah? Or to cure cancer?
Woman: It’s a hairband.
–Flight out of LaGuardia
Teenage boy, yelling at his iPod: Damn it, damn it, dammit! Damn stupid thing. Dammit!
Old lady passing by: You should be ashamed of yourself. Do you talk like that in front of your mother?
Teenage boy: Don't blame me, blame Jack Bauer. Damn it.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Haley
Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!
–Astoria
Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.
–M66 Bus
Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?
–31st & Crescent, Astoria
Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!
–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st
Overheard by: Tom
College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.
–8th St & University
Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Riot
