The More the Merrier, Wednesday One-Liners!

Elderly woman sipping wine: Three girls and one guy? Sounds like a good time!

–Queens

Overheard by: amused cashier

Dude on cell: Hey bro, whatcha doing? Oh, yeah? What about your friend, does he like doing that? Does he like it a lot? Do you think I can come over? Well, then we can all do that together, a lot. (sees people looking at him) I'll talk to you later, bro.

–Church St Post Office

Overheard by: deshaunicus

Serious girl: And then they asked for a three-way, but a tasteful one.

–15th St & 5th Ave

Middle aged woman to friend: I just got this bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers.

–Bike Shop, 12th St & Ave B

20-something chick: I am *so* over threesomes. There's just too much going on!

–Weight Room, Coles Gym

Overheard by: M.F.

White chick in sundress: I'm too naive for their kind of orgies.

–Dallas BBQ, 165th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk guy at bar: I have to pee, but first I have one word for you: threesome.

–Crocodile Lounge

Posted on October 22, 2008
Alphabet City, Ass, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Football, Friends, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Pee, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Three is Company, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

How Many One-Liners Are in a Wednesday? Show Your Work

Serious hipster girl: There is a nine-out-of-ten percent chance she won't call, but there is a one percent chance she will.

–L Train

Overheard by: Kansas

Grad student: You slept with him? This is not a good data-point.

–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Serious 20-something: You know pi? Like 3.14? You could shave the symbol into your pubes and you'd have hair pi.

–Coffe Bar Lounge

Student: Math chicks aren't the most glorious specimens of femininity.

–Shake Shack

Overheard by: Mary Elizabeth

Young man to friend: If you add it up, it's a lot of money. But when you do the math, it's not really that much money.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: Joy

Older cousin to younger cousin: How are you going to be rich if you don't like math? Rich people are good at math. They have to count their money.

–Stuyvesant Square

Overheard by: Peanut

Girl complaining to math teacher: No, you don't understand. I can't multiply past six.

–Marymount Manhattan College

Overheard by: Austin G.

Posted on October 22, 2008
Bars & Clubs, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Disabilities, Families, Ferry, Friends, Girls, Hair, Hipsters, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Questions, School and studying, Science, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Teachers/Professors, Upper East Side, Words

She Thinks Dictionaries Are for Sucking

Dyed blonde: What's a “hatch”? As in “down the hatch”?
Blonde: Oh, that's like when baby birds break out of their eggs!
Brunette: Don't ask the blonde!

–3rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: It's part of a ship, actually

Posted on October 20, 2008
Advice, Default, Girls, Insults, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Words

I'm Thinking! I'm Thinking!

Black lady #1: Do you like cheese?
Black lady #2: Cheese?
Black lady #1: Cheese…
Black lady #2: (…)
Black lady #1: Cheese, cheese!

–New York Port Authority

Overheard by: Igor Petrov

Posted on October 20, 2008
Black People, Default, Food, Port Authority, Questions, Weirdness, Women, Words

I Was Afraid He Mocked Her Shoes, or Something

Girl: What does “patronizing a prostitute” mean?
Guy: Uh, it means picking up a hooker.
Girl: Oh. Well, that's what my cousin's boyfriend just got arrested for.

–N Train

Posted on October 19, 2008
Crime and Punishment, Default, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Prostitution, Questions, Words

Realtor: Can't Talk. Working.

Drunk woman on cell: Come out with us! Don't go to bed. You're a realtor. Realtors don't sleep.
Drunk man, stealing cell phone: Hey–get over here. You're a realtor. You don't sleep, you don't eat. You're a realtor.

–Bleecker & Macdougal

Overheard by: Emily

Posted on October 16, 2008
Default, Drunks, Insults, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, The Village, Women, Words

Wish I Could Sleep Twenty Hours a Day

Dude: It's all koala!
Friend: Haha, dude! Koala bear!

–81st St

Overheard by: personally perfers polar bears

Posted on October 16, 2008
Animals & Nature, Default, Friends, Guys, Words

If You've Seen Three, You Want to Prevent It

(baby is crying)
Mother: You better stop crying when I count to three. One… Two…
(baby stops crying, but starts again after a while)
Mother: I said “two!”
(baby stops crying again)

–BX9 Bus

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on October 14, 2008
Babies, Default, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Parents, The Bronx, Threats, Words

She Was Hoping for a Salad of Steel

Waitress: Will you have a soup or salad?
Girl: Sure, I'll have the super salad.
Waitress: No, will you have the soup or salad?
Girl: I said I'll have the super salad.
Waitress: No, (really slowly) will you have the soup or salad.
Girl: Ohhhhh, the salad.

–Elmo, Chelsea

Posted on October 13, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Food, Girls, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Waitresses, Weirdness, Words

Moral Of the Story: When in Doubt, Guess “George”

Stoner #1: Okay, so George Bush is our President, right?
Stoner #2: Yeah.
Stoner #1: If the Vice President dies, who's the President?
Stoner #2: Umm… George Washington.
(hysterical laughter)
Stoner #3: You bringing back niggas from the dead and shit.
Stoner #1: You just like my dad, we asked him who was the first President, he was like (imitates Asian accent) Oh, oh…okay, I know this, I know this… George Lincoln.

–Internet Cafe, Mott St.

Overheard by: Hugh

Posted on October 12, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Death, Default, History & Geography, Little Italy, Names, Politics, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stoners, Stupidity, Words

Words