NYU freshman girl #1, crossing the street: My dad always says, “No! Don't cross the street yet!” and I'm always like, “Dad, I've lived here for two months, I think I know what I'm doing!”
NYU freshman girl #2: Ha ha! But you know, cab drivers are looking out for you.
NYU freshman girl #1: Yeah, that's their job. If they hit you, they get sued.
NYU freshman girl #2: Yeah. My shirt says it all. “NYU” pretty much means “you'll get sued.”
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: EthanK
Thug on cell: Yo, hearse rent a car? Yo man, I need to rent a hearse. Yeah, I'll hold. (pause) Y'all don't rent no hearses? Why y'all call yoselfs hearse rent a car? (pause) Word? Well, I need to move a body, maybe you got a van or something? (pause) I don't care, I just need to move his dead ass. (pause) Cargo van? Whatever. Yeah.
Thug's friend: Ask if they got am'blances.
–Grand Concourse, 158 St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Girl #1: Is “dildo” a word? Is it in the dictionary?
Girl #2: It should be, it's a noun.
–15th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Dr.Suze
Headline by: Rosie
Runners-Up:
· “And It’s Not That Hard to Wrap Your Tongue Around It.” – Julian
· “I’ve Verified That It Can Be a Person or Thing.” – Jim
· “Just Look for the Picture Of Bill O’Reilly” – jlp
· “Lesbian Wins Scrabble Contest” – mr. macdog
· “Sure Don’t Script Porn Like They Used To” – benji
Gay guy with lisp: I heard Mark, you know, the fat kid? I heard he slept with the hockey team.
Blonde girl: Funny thing is…we don't have sports teams at Marymount.
Gay guy with lisp: Oh my god! Are you cereal? I was lied to? The queen of gossip is never lied to. Ugh!
Blonde: Don't talk to me… You just said “cereal” in place of “serious.”
Gay guy with lisp: Whatever, I'll tell everyone it was you that slept with the hockey team.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Nanny: Do you still like that boy from your class?
Six-year-old girl: No! He stinks.
Nanny: Aww, what happened? He was so cute, I thought.
Six-year-old girl: I know. But he ejected me.
Nanny: Rejected you?
Six-year-old girl: Ejected me!
–Smith & 9th Station
Girl, reading Hydrocortisone cream label: What is “sorey asses”?
Friend: It's “psoriasis,” asshole!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Sarah
Columbia chick #1: Damn, he's sexy in a right girl's island kind of way.
Columbia chick #2: Don't you mean “Rikers Island”?
–113th & Broadway
Elderly woman sipping wine: Three girls and one guy? Sounds like a good time!
–Queens
Overheard by: amused cashier
Dude on cell: Hey bro, whatcha doing? Oh, yeah? What about your friend, does he like doing that? Does he like it a lot? Do you think I can come over? Well, then we can all do that together, a lot. (sees people looking at him) I'll talk to you later, bro.
–Church St Post Office
Overheard by: deshaunicus
Serious girl: And then they asked for a three-way, but a tasteful one.
–15th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged woman to friend: I just got this bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers.
–Bike Shop, 12th St & Ave B
20-something chick: I am *so* over threesomes. There's just too much going on!
–Weight Room, Coles Gym
Overheard by: M.F.
White chick in sundress: I'm too naive for their kind of orgies.
–Dallas BBQ, 165th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk guy at bar: I have to pee, but first I have one word for you: threesome.
–Crocodile Lounge
Serious hipster girl: There is a nine-out-of-ten percent chance she won't call, but there is a one percent chance she will.
–L Train
Overheard by: Kansas
Grad student: You slept with him? This is not a good data-point.
–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Serious 20-something: You know pi? Like 3.14? You could shave the symbol into your pubes and you'd have hair pi.
–Coffe Bar Lounge
Student: Math chicks aren't the most glorious specimens of femininity.
–Shake Shack
Overheard by: Mary Elizabeth
Young man to friend: If you add it up, it's a lot of money. But when you do the math, it's not really that much money.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Joy
Older cousin to younger cousin: How are you going to be rich if you don't like math? Rich people are good at math. They have to count their money.
–Stuyvesant Square
Overheard by: Peanut
Girl complaining to math teacher: No, you don't understand. I can't multiply past six.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Overheard by: Austin G.
Dyed blonde: What's a “hatch”? As in “down the hatch”?
Blonde: Oh, that's like when baby birds break out of their eggs!
Brunette: Don't ask the blonde!
–3rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: It's part of a ship, actually
