Age/Aging

Wednesday One-Liners See the World With Fresh Eyes

Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?

–Battery Park

Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!

–Old Navy Store

Overheard by: Joyfully Yours

Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Doma Cafe

Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Or Ugly People… Still You.

Woman digging through scarves: Do you think these are for older people?
Male pal: Yes, for older people. For you.

–The Met store

Overheard by: akka

Headline by: Stretchen

Runners-Up:
· “Definetely In The Friend Zone” – Dion
· “Never Insult a Woman with a Perfect Choking Device” – Megan
· “No One Said Ashton Kutcher Was Bright” – punk’d
· “That’s It. I’m Leaving My Teeth in Next Time I Blow You.” – laladypoet
· “They Help Catch the Drool” – Dan
· “Well That’s the Last He’ll See Of the Sagging Sisters” – L

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

My Parents Had to Roll Me to Preschool

Heavy ghetto girl after being weighed: 195!
Friend: Daaaaaamn. I'm 150.
Heavy ghetto girl: I've been 195 since I was five.
Friend: Damn, girl.

–CCNY Wellness Center

Overheard by: voluptuousgrl

And They Decided to Go with Beef Instead of Salmon?!

Guy #1: Hey… Ummm, by any chance did you get some sort of invitation in the mail from Jerry and Marcia?
Guy #2: I know! Who the fuck gets their 13-year-old circumcised in front of public masses like that?

–14th & 7th

What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Julium

Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.

–Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: molly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.

–Hill Country BBQ

Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

He Knows the Stroke is Imminent

Chick: Do you want this seat?
Old man: I may be 100 years old, but I’m only going one stop!

–6 train

Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: V

Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents!

–Pathmark, Massapequa

Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead?

Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults.

–Columbia University

Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not.

–Columbia University

Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun."

–Grand Central

Overheard by: galgal

Sven Is Learning English in Fits and Starts

Professor, musing: I wonder what I'm going to do this weekend…
Student in lecture: Party!
Professor: Barbecue?
Student: No, party!
Professor: I think I'm a bit old for that.
Student: Party!

–NYU

Overheard by: Spazz

That, and the Bagels

Girl #1: Why does it seem like everyone in California gets married so young?
Girl #2: Because they're all hippie and happy and love each other and stuff… That's why we moved to New York.

–Lafayette & Houston

Wednesday One-liners Teach Your Children Well

Pregnant woman to 3-year-old son: Do you remember what happened last time you licked the subway? That’s right. You threw up.

–4 train

Overheard by: Leora

Parent: My son is only two years old, sittin’ at the bar, talkin’ ’bout “old school.” How you gon’ talk ’bout “old school” when you two years old? I think my brother taught him that.

–Merrill Lynch lobby, Broadway & Park Row

Mom to 4-year-old: Stop crying and take a moment and think about how you feel.

–Broadway & 104th

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