Asian girl to her white friend: Oh my God, we have to leave before someone else thinks I work here.
–store in Chinatown
Overheard by: shopper
Man, leading a small group of tourists: We are entering Little Korea. This is where you can find… little Koreans.
–M4 bus, 32nd St.
Fat college guy on cell: I only read books with robot insects on the cover. If it doesn’t have robot insects, I slap a sticker on. Pride and Prejudice? Robot insects on the cover makes it better.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Ferry
Guy to friend: Look, the root of the problem is that you have a shrine dedicated to semi-colons in your closest! I don’t care if they’re the god of all punctuation marks, that’s just weird!
–Stuyvesant High School
Metrosexual: I’m fairly certain that I’ve read every single fantasy series that has dragons in it.
–Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: Karin
Ghetto chick: Nah, all I’m sayin’s is that even if you look like Steve Urkel, as long as you got the brain of Steve Urkel, you good with me.
–Jamaica-bound F train
Overheard by: Floyd
Leader of pack of teen boys dressed up like Star Trek characters: I didn’t say it was a good planet…
–Tuxedo Renaissance Festival
Overheard by: Murray
Chick: I should start going to gay bars. I’m tired of going to all these straight bars where guys feel free to rub their penis all over your ass.
–Zabar’s, Broadway & 80th St.
Overheard by: Basil
Woman: Honestly, I wonder what she ended up doing with a 3 foot, papier-mache penis.
–Broadway/Lafayette station
Overheard by: Jaya
Guy: I don’t want to live in a building that undulates!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Derek
Blonde: At least if I die on the tram I won’t have to go to Disney World.
–Tram from Roosevelt Island
Overheard by: Laura
Woman on cell: That’s kind of surreal to go from Disneyland to Scientologists.
–53rd & 5th
Middle-aged nerd, pointing to the Cyclone: I’ve ridden it over a hundred times, and every time the whole time I’m like this [puts both arms up over head]. It’s considered, you know, the cool, fun way to ride if you can do it the whole time. Most people can’t.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Ace Montana
Old guy to two others: Over there is Brooklyn. Coney Island is there. It’s just like a Spanish Disney World.
–Vandam St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Katie Dearest
Queer: So last night, me and my friend were being all catty and talking about our friend who got a really good job… I was really jealous and pissed, but then I realized — she may have an awesome job, but she’s never been to Disney World. Then I felt better about the whole situation.
–NYU
Overheard by: Does Six Flags count?
Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!
–Blarney Rock Pub
Overheard by: Ant928
Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.
–Union Square
Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.
–Chipotle, Broadway
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!
–7-Eleven
Overheard by: CatVonD
NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: melbert
Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"
–Fulton St
Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!
–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn
Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.
–Downtown 2 Train
Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!
–10th & 53rd
Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.
–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Bryan Bruner
Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.
–Metro-North Rail Tracks
Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice
Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!
–Broadway
Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez
Thug: I really gotta figure out a new way to ask for a blowjob.
–Soho
Overheard by: Emily McInerney
Guy to coworkers: So wait, a blowjob is exactly like sitting on a toilet?
–40th & 6th
Lady: Oy! Don’t even get me started… Unless we’re talking about gay men blowing each other, in which case, I have no problem with that.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk girl to friend hooking up: Just suck his dick and let’s go…
–Bar, Brooklyn
Chick on cell: Ah, bottle fellatio. I remember doing that in high school for a bunch of guys.
–Amtrak into Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
Teen after HIV workshop: Yo, don’t have anal, bro. Get your penis licked!
–Banana Kelly High School, Bronx
Overheard by: nooners
20-ish woman on cell: I know it’s illegal in most states, but I thought it would be okay in Arizona…
–Central Park
Overheard by: aaron milner
Teacher: You guys might notice that I have some issues with Louisiana. I mean, it’s a great place and all, as long as you don’t get mugged or walk into a drug deal. I did that and then they followed me into a Rite Aid, and I was like, ‘Fuck, I’m gonna get stabbed on my last day here.’
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: LSB
Hot girl on cell: She moved to Oklahoma? People don’t go to Oklahoma — people are from Oklahoma!
–72nd & Columbus
Overheard by: from Texas
Hipster: Her parents are the only democrats in Colorado.
–E 86th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave
Woman on cell: Girl. what state you said you in? North Carolina?! That’s a big-ass fuckin’ state! … Shit, North Carolina is a big fuckin’ state — they got mad people… North Carolina is fuckin’ big… You need to get the fuck out of there.
–J train
Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, but he’s from, like, gross Connecticut.
–49th & 6th
Overheard by: Scarfish
Conductor: We’re on the looong Alabama road. I’m glad you’re all aboard.
–Manhattan-bound Q train
Girl: …well it stopped working 'cause it got cum in it.
–W 27th St
Chick: I'm starving. The only protein I've had all day is an accidental cum shot to the face earlier this morning.
–SoHo
Guy to friends: If y'all was to really write it down and make a… a food chain of all of who used to date who, and who's dating who now, I bet you y'all got all the same juices running up in y'all system.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Kosi
Passing guy on cell: All I'm saying is everyone should have control over where their sperm goes.
–7th Ave
Hoochie on cell : Because I manage to get very juicy.
–L Train
Drunk girl at restaurant holding a champagne bottle: Excuse me, sir, can you open this for me? I'm afraid it's going to cum everywhere.
–Kaleidoscope, E 10th St
College dude: I bet there's semen somewhere on this grass.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Liz
Guy on cell: Happy birthday! (pause) Okay, call me when you're drunk!
–45th St
Girl on cell: Then when I volunteered to give her to him on his birthday.
–Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Vincent L.
Crazy guy: I'm turning 65 tomorrow… Stayin' away from hoes…
–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Guy to friend: I am boycotting your birthday if I can see your butt cheeks in your outfit.
–23rd & 3rd
