Wednesday Buy-One-Get-One-Freeliners

Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!

–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum

Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Emily Faxon

Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Canadian Girl

Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!

–Macy's, 7th Ave

Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.

–10th St & University

Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.

–62nd & 3rd

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fat People, Guys, Kids, Moms, Museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Retail Therapy, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Tourists, Travel, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

You and Your Obscure Physics Humor

Asian girl: Your hair was so soft when you were a baby, I couldn't put a shirt on you because it would slip off.
Little sister: Haha! (pause) I don't get it.

–R Train

Posted on August 8, 2010
Age/Aging, Asians, Clothing, Hair, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Sisters

Ms. Zellweger Really Needs to Stop with the Plastic Surgery

(white guy says long phrase in Chinese to Asian girl)
Asian girl, annoyed: I am not even Chinese!

–Brooklyn

Posted on August 5, 2010
Asians, Brooklyn, Girls, Guys, Language Barrier, Race, White People

Are Your Editors Painfully Uncool for Not Knowing Who That Was?

Girl with coach bag: It's like the Beatles are here (motions with hand) and Flo Rida is here (motions with hand two feet higher)
Asian boy: (stares)
Girl with coach bag: Musical genius!

–St. Mark's Place

Posted on August 1, 2010
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Girls, Music, Singing, Union Square and East Village

Sex, Therapy and Interrogation All Require the Same Skills

Girl: Listen to me!
Asian emo boy: What?
Girl: This is what you need to do with your girlfriend so you can fuck her better!

–Mott Street

Posted on July 31, 2010
Advice, Asians, Chinatown, Girls, Sex

At a Certain Point, Ben Stein Just Gets Creepy

Old man to Asian chick carrying Stanford bag: Hey, let me guess–you go to school in California.
Asian chick: Yeah.
Old man: Stanford has more blonde girls than any other school in the country. True story. (wanders off)

–1 Train

Posted on July 16, 2010
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Education, Old People, On the Subway, Physical appearance

Um, Don't I Help Pay Your Salary?

Female Asian worker: Wow, so is it free then?
NYPD officer: Nah, it's nine dollars a head, babe. Ain't nothing free in New York, hun, when I come in here you don't give me no free fuckin coffee, do ya?

–Rainbow Cafe, Grand & Essex

Overheard by: mhopkins

Posted on June 24, 2010
Asians, Clerks, Coffee, Cops, Free stuff!, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Restaurants & Cafes

We're All a Few Paychecks Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: He's Indian! How can he be homeless?

–Union Square

Crazy Asian lady: I think everyone should experience jail and being homeless at least twice in life, so I need to go to jail again.

–Pinkberry, 32nd St

Suit, screaming: Why the fuck did I go to school? Look at these homeless people. They have a perfect life. Free samples at every corner. Apple Store is open 24/7, which means good shelter. Gahh!

–Union Square

Overheard by: hespeakstruth

Flamboyantly elegant gay guy to female friend: Would you rather lick this entire subway platform or have a homeless woman eat your pussy?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on June 16, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Fag Hags, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Licking, One-liners, Prison, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Do This Again. 'Til Nex Time.

20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."

–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights

Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.

–St. Mark's & 1st

Overheard by: spead

White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich

Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?

–5th Ave & 90th St

30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on June 16, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, BJs, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Internet, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Lies, Marriage, Men, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Promiscuity, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

Asians

Are Your Editors Painfully Uncool for Not Knowing Who That Was?