Wednesday Smells So Bad, One-Liners Can Taste It

Ponytailed girl on cell, excitedly: Maybe you have, like, bacterial vaginosis or something! Yeah! That would explain it. No, you don't wanna smell like cinnamon down there, cinnamon toast crotch!

–86th & Lexington

Girl, walking onto stinky train car: Oh, shit, yo! It smells like a whole mess of hot ass up in this piece.

–L Train

Loud singing teen, stopping in mid-song: Damn! Somebody smell like soup!

–F Train

Overheard by: bpm

Smelly woman on elevator: I'ma kick that man's butt. I don't smell that strong!

–Office Building, Harlem

Overheard by: Liz

Man: This place smells like venereal disease!

–Port Authority Subway Tunnel

Overheard by: Courtney

Guy on cell: Who knows what I can do now that I don't smell like dogshit. The sky is the limit. (pause) Yeah, no more living in fear!

–27th & 5th

Posted on December 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fears, Food, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Man's Best Friend, Men, Office, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Port Authority, Sensory Experiences, STDs, Street, Teens, Threats, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Christian Siriano: “Wednesday Is a Hot One-Liner Mess”

Disco-glam drag queen: It was! It was baby oil, and I knew it!

–Rubulad, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Katie

Black drag queen in kimono: I'm a corn pone Southern faggot, we do not do yoga.

–Tribeca

Overheard by: Ryan K

Hysterical Latina transvestite: My life is in my ass, mijo!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Jean

Drag queen hooker to older lady staring at her: You so wish you could wear a onesie like me.

–MTA

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drag queens, Health and Hygiene, Latinos, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Trannies, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Yoga

…Why? How Did Your Job Interview Go?

Blimp girl: Do you think I check out asses too much?
Skinny bimbo: Uhhh…
Blimp girl: But he was just sticking it in my face!

–98th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: assman

Posted on December 13, 2009
Ass, Bimbettes, Fat People, Questions, Skinny People, Upper East Side, Weirdness

That Would Make Football More Interesting

Teen #1: If I had rollerblades on, or something, I would totally push that and run.
Teen #2: What?
Teen #1: Her butt.

–E. 116th & 2nd

Overheard by: Her

Posted on December 6, 2009
Ass, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Teens, Threats, Violence

Wednesday One-Liners Go Directly to My Thighs

Teeny tiny gay guy: I used to be so skinny in high school.

–Staten Island

Teenage girl to another: I mean, why bother to eat anything if you're just gonna shit it all out?

–L Train

Woman carrying baby to friend: Also, I burn an extra 500 calories a day just by breastfeeding!

–5th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Tracy

20-something guy, about Sour Patch Kids gummy candy: They're fat-free, so they're good for you!

–4 Train

Six-year-old girl, eating bagel: All of the fat from this is going to go straight to my ass!

–A Train

Overheard by: that's just great

Posted on December 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Diet/Weight, Food, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nostalgia, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Poop, Queer guys, Questions, Rack, Staten Island, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Stop Fighting This Instant or We Will Turn These Wednesday One-Liners Around and Go Home!

British tourist to misbehaving child: Do you want a smacked bottom now or the other thing when we get home?

–Central Park

Overheard by: birdw0rks

Mom to kid playing on shopping cart: You'd better stop that, or you're going to fall and crack your head, and I'm going to laugh, cuz I told you so.

–Grocery Store

Father to four-year-old son: Watch out, these people are trying to kill us.

–36th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: benny

Guy to son who is hesitant about seat in theater: If I had been this choosy with your mom, you wouldn't be here!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: I don't want to hear about your hunger pangs right now. Now turn around and look at the sea lions.

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: kathcom

Posted on December 2, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Brits, Central Park, Crime and Punishment, Dads, Foreigners, Grocery Stores, Guys, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Murder, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, One-liners, Paranoia, Parents, Park Slope, Parks, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Theater, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

That's Some Holly Golightly Ass Shit, Son.

Black guy #1, noticing a girl in oversized sunglasses: Damn! Look at this vintage-ass bitch!
Black guy #2: Even when I go downtown them shits ain't that big.

–50th & Broadway

Overheard by: so true… so true

Posted on November 28, 2009
Ass, Black People, Fashion, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance

And It's a Little Early to Negotiate for Alimony

Mom to little girl punching her in the butt on their way out of the bank: Don't you hit me! What's wrong with you?
Girl, whining: But I want my own money.
Mom: Well, you don't have a checking account now, do you?

–56th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Nikki G