Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with?

–9th & 47th

Overheard by: wondering

Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex!

–W 72nd St, Record Store

Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime…

(40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that!

–KMart, Penn Station

Overheard by: RoverUSA

Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid.

–M15 Bus

Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents…

–86th St & Lexington

Posted on February 22, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Boyfriends, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Harassment, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penn Station, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Singing, Store, Street, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Understand the Caucus System

Bleach-blonde: I would totally vote for McCain if Miley Cyrus were his running mate.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Democrat

Woman: Oh, I am definitely a single-issue voter. And right now, that issue is: Which one of the candidates can get me to a bathroom soonest?

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: Chuckell

Drunk hobo to a group of pigeons: And they’re all Democrats. Can’t trust them Democrats.

–Washington Square Park

Young African American woman speaking animatedly on cell: … Vice president? Why should I run for Vice President, I’m doing better than you, bitch! "Dream ticket!" That’s why I hate white liberals. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Republicans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.

–124th St, Harlem

Drunk wheelbo, shouting across the entire ferry terminal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!

–Whitehall Ferry Terminal

Lady on cell: When you done turn Governor, you can’t play dat shit…

–Associated Supermarket, Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PdQ

Posted on February 4, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Drunks, Ferry, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Parks, Politics, President, Questions, Store, Street, Threats, Washington Square Park, Wheelbos, Women

The Rejected UNCF Advertising Character

Black guy #1: How many credits are you taking this semester?
Black guy #2: 12.
Black guy #1: Why so few credits?
Black guy #2: What do you mean, why so few credits?
Black guy #1: Yeah, why so few credits?
Black guy #2: Tuition, nigga!

–B52 bus

Overheard by: Andrea Quijano

Posted on January 25, 2018
Black People, Education, Idiots, Money & Class, On the Bus, Questions, Students

Engorged, Throbbing Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to another: Eat the penis, Danielle, eat the penis.

–New Jersey Transit train out of Penn Station

Overheard by: Tootles McGee

Black guy: Yo! Where my penis at?

–Bergenline Bus

Overheard by: Don’t know how he lost it to begin with

Guy with big dog to girlfriend: Is my cock straight?

–12th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Amanda

Five-year-old son to father helping him ride a bicycle, seeing wooden posts out of the water: Daddy, is that a huge penis?

–South Seaport

Female suit: Their penises don’t care!

–Times Square

Hobo: I’m the unluckiest son of a bitch I know! If it were raining vaginas, I’d get hit in the head with a penis.

–5th Ave

Girl on cell: That’s good… Did you like the peen? The peen? Did you like the penis, mother? The penis? Oh good, I though you would.

–9th & Prospect Park

Overheard by: Other Side of the Fence

Posted on January 24, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Boyfriends, Boys, Brooklyn, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hobos, Kids, On Cell, On the Bus, Penis, Penn Station, Questions, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

Sorry, You're the First Person of Color I've Ever Encountered

Older man to African American girl): Where are you from? Ghana?
Girl (astonished): Columbus, Ohio!

–Terminal 2, JFK

Overheard by: Generous Supply

Posted on January 15, 2018
At the Airport, Black People, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Insults, JFK Airport, Men, Old People, Physical appearance, Questions, Race, U.S. Geography

So We Have an Alibi

Irish guy: Yeah, I’m a hundred percent Irish. I just got back from Ireland this summer.
Black chick: Oh, you’re Irish? I’m part Irish.
Irish guy, skeptical: Really?
Black chick: No, seriously. An Irish slave master raped my great, great grandmother.
Irish guy: Well, my family got here in 1909.

–Ulysses’ Bar

Posted on January 13, 2018
Black People, Family Ties, Foreigners, History & Geography

Janie Got a Wednesday One-Liner

Voice over employee's walkie-talkie: Okay, I really need those guns. Anyone who has one, I need it down in bridal.

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Obnoxious woman: So I said, "motherfucker, I'm not your sister–I'm your cousin. So I will shoot you."

–Uptown 2 Train

Large black man: If you ain't got no bullets, you gotsta melee!

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Zach

Wannabe hip-hopper, trying to sell CD: It's clean music, and I ain't never shot no one!

–Union Square

20-something guy on cell: They got no right to bring up that gun charge, it's over ten years old!

–19th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily Davidson

Dude, after chatting to policewoman: I just have a thing for women in uniform! My mind says, "no, no, settle down," and my penis says, "but she's got a gun!"

–Hudson & Laight

Posted on December 29, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Cops, Family Ties, Fat People, Guys, Insults, Marriage, Men, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Shoot, Singing, Store, Street, Threats, Time, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Dr. King Must Have Been Dreaming

White guy on cell: Yo, shit nigga, this shit the bomb!
Black guy: If you close your eyes, he almost sounds like the real deal.

–Houston & Varick

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Posted on December 14, 2017
Black People, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, Race, Talking/Convos, The Village, White People

Out of What, Now?

Old white husband: What are lamb chops?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for dinner all the time.
Old white husband: What are they?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for you!
Old white husband: I don’t remember, tell me what they are.
Old black wife: They’re like pork chops, but made out of lamb.

–D train

Overheard by: daniela