Comedy show guy: Comedy! You already spent money on the plane ticket to come to this stupid place, you might as well have some fun while you're here. We have black people and fried shit. Ma'am, do you want to see a comedy show?
Large black woman: No.
Comedy show guy: Why not? Are you “different”?
Large black woman: No, I live here, so I already know everything is stupid. Including your show.
Comedy show guy:: Give me a hug. That was awesome.
–46th & Broadway
Overheard by: Wes
Black kid #1: Are you getting off at the next stop, son?
Black kid #2: No, man, this train goes all the way to Harlem. Everyone else gets off at 34th, 42nd… By the time we get up to 96th, it’s me, a crackhead, and a midget.
–3 train
Big black guy: Blue plus red equals green, nigga!
–Loews Cinema, 13th & Broadway
Overheard by: no, its purple
Man: Tonight we’ll go to the Polish restaurant, or we’ll go see Spamalot. Either way, we need the laughs.
–Elevator, 250 West 57th St
Four-year-old standing and pointing as Gaston is about to stab the Beast: Nooo! Stop that!
–Lunt-Fontanne Theatre
White chick: I’m entirely too white for this show. That, or too Canadian. They spell ‘color’ without a ‘u’!
—The Color Purple, Broadway Theatre
Guy on cell: I’m at Marie’s Crisis. Yeah, everyone at the party was ugly, and so I left, and I figured if I’m gonna hang out with ugly people, I might as well sing showtunes.
–Marie’s Crisis piano bar, 50 Grove St
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Small child during Tarzan: He’s dead ’cause he got shot.
–Richard Rodgers Theater, 45th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Adam
Black 40-something lady passing theatre: Ain’t dis a play o’ somethin’?
–Outside Nederlander Theatre on 41st St
Overheard by: A-Mo
Drinking college co-ed: It was like, my brain shut off, and my genitals went ‘woo-hoo!’
–60th & Amsterdam
Guy on cell: Sorry, I couldn’t make it. I was tied up. Hopefully, next time it’ll be you.
–116th & Broadway
Gay black man to black woman: Girl, I know the perfect guy for you. He will beast fuck you. He will fuck you like a white girl.
–Greenwich & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Artie
Black guy: I’ll do the wheelbarrow on the first date, I don’t give a fuck!
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: biz
Girl in bathroom stall: How many guys can I sleep with in a week and not be a slut?
–Soundz Lounge, Lasalle St & Broadway
Girl: I wondered why you kept talking about pony play!
–Elevator, 168th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Peter Pecker
Well-dressed man on cellphone: He must have had a dildo in his pants, and she grabbed onto that. It’s the only way they could have worked it.
–La Giancoma, second intermission, Metropolitan Opera
Overheard by: Schroeder
Black woman, shouting from door of subway: Shantay! Shantay!
Black guy running down the stairs to the train: Sashay!
–1 Train
Overheard by: feygele
White chick to black chick: That’s a cute bag. It would be, if it were real.
Black chick: Bitch, it ain’t fake, it’s stolen!
–14th & 8th
Hot black girl: Where did summer go? Now we're all back to wearing glasses and snorting Adderall… or taking it with water.
–24th St & 3rd Ave
Guy to friend: If I just gave up speed I'd totally be getting more ass.
–Bleecker & LaGuardia
Overheard by: Jack
Guy to another: Yeah, so you take a gram of coke, then mix it with a ground-up Xanax, then mash up an E. Then you put it all into pill form, and down it with a Sparks!
–N Train
Architecture professor: Everything in moderation… except for heroin. Heroin, you go for the gusto.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Denali
(#106 bus arrives)
Black woman to white woman: You know if this bus is going to East Harlem?
White woman: Yes, I know.
Black woman: Oh, okay. I was just making sure you knew where you were going.
–96th St & Amsterdam
Guy: Why do all the white people in Harlem disappear at night?
Chick: ‘Cause that’s when we all wake up?
–125th & 7th
