“This One Time, at Wednesday One-Liner Camp…”

Angry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pianist.

–Outside Fairway, 72nd St

Goth chick on cell: We're inside. Yeah, she's playing "Creep" on a ukulele. No, I'm serious!

–Spiegelworld

Art student: I did some acid and they made me play with a guitar, but it felt like plastic and it sounded like cheese!

–Pratt Institute

Tall drummer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drumline goes on break, they're like, "let's play some more!" When you guys go on break, you're like, "let's explore each others' bodies!"

–Pathmark

Overheard by: Another band geek

30-something African American woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin' her ass like a violin!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: KTizzle

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, College, Compare/Contrast, Food, Goths, Grocery Stores, Hard Drugs, Instruments, Jobs & Careers, Men, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Porn, Port Authority, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Singing, Street, Students, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“I'm Having a Wednesday One-Liner– And It's Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!

–8th & 34th

Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: It's how I got mine

Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!

–Coney Island Broadwalk

Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!

–Broadway & Liberty

Overheard by: CG

Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!

–Spring Street, SoHo

Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.

–W 12th & W 4th

Overheard by: michael diamond

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Crying, Death, Fears, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Nipples, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Soho, The Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

Catch-of-the-Day Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on bench to friend: What did you do? You can't just eat a fish!

–Central Park North

Chick on cell: Were we attacking each other with goldfish last night?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman to friend: And on top of that, I hear she smokes like a fish!

–Columbus & 67th

Overheard by: abcnews

Girl on cell: I don't have snakeskin shoes, but I have these fish shoes I really love. Yeah, they're made out of fish scales. They're awesome.

–Penn Station

Middle-aged African American woman: I went to eat in the Bronx and she gave me naked fish.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: the guy behind the guy

Posted on December 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, NYC Geography, On Cell, Penn Station, Questions, Shoes, Smoking, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

It’s Lunchtime, New York!

Black guy: I want pork fried rice with fried wonton, a shrimp roll, and wonton soup…Hey! Did you hear me?!
Counter lady: Yes, yes…pork spare ribs.

–Chinese takeout, Madison & Rutgers

Overheard by: Joe R

Posted on December 15, 2014
Black People, Cashiers, Chinese, Ethnic Food, Restaurants & Cafes

So Does She, He Hoped

Little white girl: Hey, that’s a cool pack.
Little black boy: Thanks! Have you ever taken the D train?
Little white girl: No.
Little black boy: It goes all the way to Africa.

–6 train

Overheard by: Nick Kindelsperger

Posted on December 4, 2014
Black People, Innuendo, On the Subway, White People

Tyler Perry Knows All About Stupid

Comedy show guy: Comedy! You already spent money on the plane ticket to come to this stupid place, you might as well have some fun while you're here. We have black people and fried shit. Ma'am, do you want to see a comedy show?
Large black woman: No.
Comedy show guy: Why not? Are you “different”?
Large black woman: No, I live here, so I already know everything is stupid. Including your show.
Comedy show guy:: Give me a hug. That was awesome.

–46th & Broadway

Overheard by: Wes

Posted on December 2, 2014
Black People, Compliments, Fat People, Hugs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Race, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Travel, Vendors & Street Performers, Wishes & desires

Only the Pod People Remain ’til the End of the Line

Black kid #1: Are you getting off at the next stop, son?
Black kid #2: No, man, this train goes all the way to Harlem. Everyone else gets off at 34th, 42nd… By the time we get up to 96th, it’s me, a crackhead, and a midget.

–3 train

Posted on November 29, 2014
Black People, On the Subway, Public Transportation

Aren’t Black People Supposed to Be Familiar with The Color Purple?

Big black guy: Blue plus red equals green, nigga!

–Loews Cinema, 13th & Broadway

Overheard by: no, its purple

Posted on November 28, 2014
Black People, Colors, Movie Theaters

Wednesday One-Liners Star in a Revival of Dreamcoat

Man: Tonight we’ll go to the Polish restaurant, or we’ll go see Spamalot. Either way, we need the laughs.

–Elevator, 250 West 57th St

Four-year-old standing and pointing as Gaston is about to stab the Beast: Nooo! Stop that!

–Lunt-Fontanne Theatre

White chick: I’m entirely too white for this show. That, or too Canadian. They spell ‘color’ without a ‘u’!

—The Color Purple, Broadway Theatre

Guy on cell: I’m at Marie’s Crisis. Yeah, everyone at the party was ugly, and so I left, and I figured if I’m gonna hang out with ugly people, I might as well sing showtunes.

–Marie’s Crisis piano bar, 50 Grove St

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Small child during Tarzan: He’s dead ’cause he got shot.

–Richard Rodgers Theater, 45th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Adam

Black 40-something lady passing theatre: Ain’t dis a play o’ somethin’?

–Outside Nederlander Theatre on 41st St

Overheard by: A-Mo