Body Parts

Old man in laundry room: I saw a young man the other day put about 8 Levi's in this little machine, here. They came out with soap all over them because he didn't give them enough room. I turned to him and said, "young man, you need your mother."

–25th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Adam and AMC

Old man, yelling at a passing ambulance with blaring sirens: Oh, shut the fuck up. Goddamnit!

–Broadway & Washington Place

Little old lady, passing a steep cellar: Wow. I wouldn't want to be drunk going down those stairs.

–Broome Street b/w Allen & Eldridge

Overheard by: always take the elevator

Little old lady to physical therapist: Can I Facebook friend you?

–Parkside Physical Therapy, 100th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Old Greek man to another: Ya gotta use ya mind, ya money, and ya mouth. Mmm. The three Ms.

–Ditmars

Overheard by: ashley

Old lady with walker to nurse: I just love fresh air and a cigarette.

–5th & B

Overheard by: Adam Glaser

Older man to waiter: You didn't tell me that soup wasn't included. I can't believe you're charging someone of my generation for soup. I shouldn't have to pay for just water, chicken, and rice. Some of us here are on a fixed income. (to neighboring table) You be careful! Your bill's going to come to $30! (pays at register) You should have told me. Now I hope you're happy that tomorrow an old man won't be able to afford his medicine.

–New Wave Cafe, 79th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

The Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply to Buses

Disgusted mother to little girl who picked up a Swedish fish she dropped on the bus floor: Don't eat that.
Little girl, dusting it off: It's okay, I'll kiss it up to god.
Mother: Don't you dare put that in your mouth. You have no idea what was on the floor.
Little girl, putting it in her mouth and chewing it: It's okay! I kissed it up to god! (swallows it) What are you going to do about it?
Mother, angrily: I'm not going to do anything. You're just going to die.

–Q18 Bus

Chick #1: You could always go to a beauty school. It's cheaper.
Chick #2: No way, I swore off schools. My friend went to one, and got herpes of the eye. Someone got a bikini wax, and then they used the same dipper thing on her eye.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Helena

Flamboyant gay man: This is like when we saw Equus.
Lesbian biker chick: Oh, I forgot you saw that! How was it?
Flamboyant gay man: It was good. Except the actress puts her leg up on the horse like this (demonstrates by lifting his leg in the air) and I could totally see her tonsils…through her vajayjay.

–E Train

Overheard by: Sarah

(in crowded bathroom)
Bathroom attendant: Okay fellas, hurry it up, stop talking, just piss, give me a dollar, wash your hands and get out.
Random alchi: What? Hell no, I ain't tipping you.
Bathroom attendant: Then lick your fingers!

–72nd & Columbus

Mother: He doesn't have any bones in his legs.
Teenage daughter: Nuh-uh! What does he do?
Mother: He goes all around the world, spreading joy to everyone.

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jess

Girl to friend: Hey girl, come over here and let me see your new grillz. (friend comes over and smiles, Flavor Flav style) Daaaamnnnnnnn girl! Where did you get those? They some nice grillz!

–Flatbush Ave & Lincoln Rd

Overheard by: xtina

Guy: So, on the show this girl got two gobs of fat taken out of her sides. So, then they showed a “before” and “after” picture and it was like, “before,” lots of fat. “After,” still some fat, and stretch marks and a nasty scar. So then they went out to eat and she's eating pasta from her plate, pasta from her mom's plate, and then she gets this big hoagie. And I'm thinking, “this bitch is going to be fat again in two months.”

–70th Road, Forest Hills

Black teen, with I skate NY logo shirt: Hey, hey, what's the line for?
Confused white girl: I don't get your shirt.
Black teen: (amazed silence)
Confused white girl: Ohhh, it's a skateboard!
Black teen: Haha, yeah.
Confused white girl: No, no, I thought it was a…a picture of a guy with a unibrow and no mouth?
Black teen: Hey, lemme see your eyes…you have beautiful eyes.

–Virgin Megastore

Girl: So, how's your new haircut?
Guy: Good, but I miss…hair.
Girl: Yeah, I would miss it too, tumbling down my back in the shower.

–12th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: I like…hair