I Think There's Something Wrong With My Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: You mean the labia? No, that's a vagina part.

–13th & Ave B

Overheard by: Caroline

Woman to friend, in line for bathroom: I'm taking that medication that makes it really dry, again.

–Ethel Barrymore Theater

Overheard by: Crumb Doughnut

Cornelius, crazy hobo: Yo' pussy looks betta' than yo' face!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Lily London & China Rose

Monotone suit on cell: That pussy better be ready by the time I get home.

–Houston & Broadway

Girl on cell waiting for Port Jefferson train: Okay, be serious for a second, how do you know if you're allergic to latex, though? Really, cause dead honest, it's a puffed mushroom right now. I don't know what to do. Should I go see someone, do you think Henry would notice? Really, what if I turn off the lights?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Chester

Posted on January 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Madison Square Garden, Medicine, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Questions, Sex, STDs, Street, Suits, The Village, Theater, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I Guess It's More Like Doing the Macarena

Goth female store employee #1: It's not like I'm amputating a leg.
Goth female store employee #2: Not technically.

–Manhattan Store

Posted on January 19, 2009
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Goths, Store, Surgery

Open Up Those Thighs and Let Him In!

Tired commuter: I'm just gonna sit here…I'm too tired to stand.
(she squeezes in small space between two girls.)
Angry girl: You know, you shouldn't touch people's thighs!
Tired commuter: Ooooh, you need Jesus!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: …because that logically follows?

Posted on January 18, 2009
Anger Management, Body Parts, Girls, Jesus, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation

We're Fairly Certain Paula Abdul Manages

Guy #1: I was sleeping and someone came in and stabbed me in the head three times! Next thing I know I'm in a coma for two months!
Guy #2: Whoa…was you high?
Guy #1: High?! Man, I was sleeping! How can I be high when I asleep?
Guy #2: Oh…

–F Train

Overheard by: cs

Posted on January 17, 2009
Body Parts, Drugs, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Stab, Time

A Chain Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: Yeah, I'm here. But I think I passed through the ghetto on the way. Yeah, it was definitely the ghetto. How do I know? It was really obvious: because I saw a sizzler and all the buildings looked the same!

–Penn Station

20-something girl, watching street protest: They better not have closed Popeyes for this.

–M Bus

Overheard by: BHM

Tiny white girl: I just want to go into Applebee's and punch everyone in the face.

–Times Square

Overheard by: that would pass the time…

Girl on cell: Look mom, there's a Jamba Juice. That place is like famous.

–Herald Square

Slob tourist chick to fat husband: I hate my life! Ooooh, Olive Garden!

–Times Square

Overheard by: BarcLeh

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Drinks, Food, Girls, Gripes, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, Penn Station, Politics, Punch, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Piss on It!”

Man exiting subway: No, thanks, I've had enough urine in my nose today.

–14th St & 8th Ave

Guy, infatuated with female friend: If I had a pool I'd let you pee in it.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Chadwick

Sturdy guy to chubby girls: We're men! We pee in the park!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: mmhmmm

Mad boyfriend beside girlfriend: No! No! No! I know how you are! I know how they are! All you have to do is pee and…

–Steinway St.

Overheard by: Dustin

Loud girl: Ugh, I wish I had a penis so I could pee on all ya asses.

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amused Freshman

Little boy to brother: I have all the power! Do not make me pee-pee on you again!

–Throop & Pulaski

Overheard by: Melissa Kairuz

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Brothers, Cleanliness, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Men, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Queens, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Misunderestimated Phraseoids of Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde chick to dude: Isn't he, like, koreish?

–F Train

Dude on cell: It's not even like a relationship, it's all texting, it's a textationship.

–22nd & 1st

Overheard by: loves it

Girl on cell: She was all slippy and shit.

–SoHo

Student to another: The trouble with you is that you got the wrong misconception.

–Broadway & 116th

Overheard by: Cousin Al

Mom, upon examining young son's pruney toes: Jake! What's wrong with your toe? Look, the skin is coming off, it's like you're molding! Just like a little bird! Your foot is molding!

–Prep School Swimming Pool

Overheard by: I dream of Jean

Teen on payphone: Listen! Mah words isn't what I'm sayin!

–Fulton & Broadway

Overheard by: Mondo Man

Woman on cell: You thought he was gonna shit on you? Sit? Spit? You gonna need to step up your English game.

–Fulton Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Johnny Twisto

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Relationships, School, Smegma, Soho, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Grumpy Old Wednesday One-Liners

Old man in laundry room: I saw a young man the other day put about 8 Levi's in this little machine, here. They came out with soap all over them because he didn't give them enough room. I turned to him and said, "young man, you need your mother."

–25th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Adam and AMC

Old man, yelling at a passing ambulance with blaring sirens: Oh, shut the fuck up. Goddamnit!

–Broadway & Washington Place

Little old lady, passing a steep cellar: Wow. I wouldn't want to be drunk going down those stairs.

–Broome Street b/w Allen & Eldridge

Overheard by: always take the elevator

Little old lady to physical therapist: Can I Facebook friend you?

–Parkside Physical Therapy, 100th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Old Greek man to another: Ya gotta use ya mind, ya money, and ya mouth. Mmm. The three Ms.

–Ditmars

Overheard by: ashley

Old lady with walker to nurse: I just love fresh air and a cigarette.

–5th & B

Overheard by: Adam Glaser

Older man to waiter: You didn't tell me that soup wasn't included. I can't believe you're charging someone of my generation for soup. I shouldn't have to pay for just water, chicken, and rice. Some of us here are on a fixed income. (to neighboring table) You be careful! Your bill's going to come to $30! (pays at register) You should have told me. Now I hope you're happy that tomorrow an old man won't be able to afford his medicine.

–New Wave Cafe, 79th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Body Parts, Cell Phone, Central Park, Delis, Dildos and Vibrators, Fat People, Girls, Guys, Hootchies, Illness, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, S&M, Soho, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

The Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply to Buses

Disgusted mother to little girl who picked up a Swedish fish she dropped on the bus floor: Don't eat that.
Little girl, dusting it off: It's okay, I'll kiss it up to god.
Mother: Don't you dare put that in your mouth. You have no idea what was on the floor.
Little girl, putting it in her mouth and chewing it: It's okay! I kissed it up to god! (swallows it) What are you going to do about it?
Mother, angrily: I'm not going to do anything. You're just going to die.

–Q18 Bus

Posted on January 13, 2009
Body Parts, Death, Food, God, Kids, Moms, On the Bus, Should've Used a Condom

Body Parts

The Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply to Buses