Spare the Rod and Spoil the Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy, waiting in line to see “Bodies” exhibit: Are there gonna be rides?

–South Street Seaport

Little girl, playing with her inattentive mother’s cell: Nine… One…

–Atlantic Center, Brooklyn

Overheard by: wee e

Little girl, humming to herself: Cat cat dog, I am a tree! Eeeee! Minute Maid Coke, I am a poodle! Eeeee!

–Brooklyn bound Q train

Little boy: Eddie, I like that torture a lot!

–Dizzy’s, 9th St & 8th Ave, Park Slope

Little girl: Mom, I am highly disappointed in the construction.

–71st Rd, Forest Hills

3-year-old girl: Daddy, does this helmet make me look crazy?

–13th & University

Little boy: Simon says reach into everybody’s pants!

–Waiting room, Mt. Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: Jobee

Posted on August 2, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Hospitals, Kids, Lower Manhattan, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Queens, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper East Side, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners Aced Anatomy 101

Mother, to little boy: No, you cannot smell my armpit!

–Keyspan Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jesse

Doctor on cell: Look, having knees doesn’t make you special.

–Oustide New York Presbyterian Hospital

Ghetto chick: When she’s asleep, I’m gonna squat on her brain.

–16th between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: alyssa

Father of little girl who has just hit her head: Did your brain fall out?

–Chili’s, Staten Island

Overheard by: Ada and Andi

Chick: His teeth are really straight. But that’s because he was home-schooled.

–Baskin Robbins, 23rd & 8th

Guy: Every time a girl sees my teeth, she’s like, “Naaah.” I’m gonna get this whole shit redone, where they take them all out and replace the whole thing. It costs like $20,000…Only thing is you have to go two months without any teeth.

–29th St & 33rd Ave, Astoria

Middle-aged man, to college girl in skirt: Excuse me, miss, you have very nice legs. Have you ever thought about doing voice-overs?

–31st & 6th

Overheard by: plo

Teenage boy: Who wants to play guess which body part am I fidgeting?

–North Gannon & Bradley, Staten Island

Overheard by: Shamrocknroll

Posted on July 26, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Creepsters, Dads, Doctors, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Masturbation, Penis, Staten Island, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Well, Plan A Is to Sell You to the Gypsies…

Little kid: But what if we don’t have enough money?
Mother: And that’s the reason why you need to keep your four-year-old concerns to your damn self.

–Dekalb & South Portland, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Zoe

Posted on July 25, 2006
Brooklyn, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Parents

Saving Themselves for Marriage?

Teen boy #1: Well, it’s too bad once they have their clothes off you can’t get rid of them.
Teen boy #2: Oh, well I’d be like, “Bitch, what do you think you’re doing? You beast!”
Teen boy #1: Yeah, I guess you can do that. Just like get them naked and then analyze their bodies, and then dismiss them.
Teen boy #2: Exactly!

–86th & 19th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: kelly

Posted on July 22, 2006
Boys, Brooklyn, Clothing, Insults, Nudity, Sex & Relationships, Teens

Mom and Dad Get Into the Spray Paint Again

Little girl #1: …and their eyes became red and they started laughing at random things!
Little girl #2: Hahaha. Let’s get out of here!

Both girls run away, laughing, down the street.

–Henry & Orange, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: CapitalJ

Posted on July 20, 2006
Brooklyn, Kids, Straight Trippin'

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Big-Boned

Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!

–1 train

Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!

–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn

Overheard by: elwood

Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.

–Queens Center Mall

Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.

–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square

Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on July 19, 2006
A-List, About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Celebrities, Coney Island, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Girls, Gyms, Height, Infidelity, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Queens, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Times Square, Topics, TV, Venues

Wednesday One-Liners Think Ancient Greece Is the Word

Old lady, standing in front of the Leda and the Swan statue: Gee, I guess she must really like that swan.

–The Met

Frat boy: She was real “Helen of Troy” pussy.

–Bedford Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: the fiend

Posted on July 19, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Frat Boys, History & Geography, Museums, Old People, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Vagina

By Which I Mean ‘A Really Good Way to Get Coke’

High school boy: I met him when he was doing coke at my lunch table.
High school girl: He’s a really good guy.

–Bay Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: W

Posted on July 18, 2006
Boys, Brooklyn, Cocaine, Girls, Students

The Fallout Girls Come to an Agreement

Woman #1: On days as hot as this, it’s okay not to wear panties!
Woman #2: I don’t know about that. I like to keep it all in there.
Woman #3: Yeah, I agree. I don’t want anything to be drippin’.

–Willoughby & Carlton, Brooklyn

Overheard by: BZD

Posted on July 16, 2006
Brooklyn, Fashion, Health and Hygiene, Vagina, Women