Brooklyn

Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!

–7 train

Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn

Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Keith

Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?

–32nd & 7th

Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!

–238th & Broadway

Overheard by: Miriam

Girlfriend: Spain is an island! With Portugal!
Boyfriend: Look, why do you wanna talk about this?

–Fort Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: jcm

Dad: Like Groucho is called Groucho because he’s grouchy, Chico because he’s cheeky.
Son: And Zeppo!
Dad: Yeah, because he’s an idiot.

–8th St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Joe

Lady: Hey, how do I get to Court Street?
Hobo: Two blocks that way…See, we’re not all that bad. You got any change?
Lady: No, I know. Shut up. I’m a social worker.

–Brooklyn Heights

Black woman #1: I love crab legs. I’ma go home tonight and cook mad crab legs and suck the meat out.
Black woman #2: Fuck dat, I’ma go to Coney Island, get some clams. Put some hot sauce and some butter on that shits. Go home and get freaky with my old man. Shellfish get me mad horny.

–Brooklyn Family Court

Jewish boy: If I wasn’t Jewish and saw Passion of the Christ, I’d walk out of the theaters screaming, “Let’s kill those Jews for killing our Lord and Savior!”
Black woman: Boy, you shouldn’t be goin’ ’round screaming that.
Jewish boy: Um, but I am Jewish.
Black woman: How am I ‘sposed to know that?
Jewish boy: By the fucking thing on my head and the fact that I keep checking for my wallet every second I’m talking to you.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: David

Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?

–14th & University

Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.

–Walker & Lafayette

Overheard by: Wolf

Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.

–Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: nosy cinephile

Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.

–13th & University

Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?

–Office, W 36th St

Overheard by: Evan

Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.

–Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes!

–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport

White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?

–Walgreens, Union Square

Overheard by: Goldie

Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.

–I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St

Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish!

–Tompkins Square Park

Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.

–Century 21

Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months!

–TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th

Overheard by: Shaina

Girl: But can’t the police seize it if it’s a crime scene?
Logistical genius: If the police could seize a crime scene, no one in Brooklyn would have a house.

–Backyard barbeque, Fort Greene

Overheard by: inge

Little boy: I wanna get high!
Mom: Shhh!

–Atlantic Center, Brooklyn

Girl on cell: But they’re, like, professional crackwhores!

–Bedford Park, Lehman College, the Bronx

Man: I never misled my mother. I did steal from her, but I was on crack.

–Joralemon St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Chicago Guy

Girl: Did you see that movie Crackheads on Fire?

–14th & 8th

Lady: Now she’s a big shot. She used to be a crackhead.

–Au Bon Pain, 8th St

Overheard by: the guy buying the SoBe Green Tea