Stringy-haired teen in waiting room: See? We got here an hour early and we're still sitting here.
Trashy mom: Shut up and watch Martha Stewart.
Stringy-haired teen: My stomach hurts. That chocolate I ate today upset my stomach.
Trashy mom: That's what you get for eating chocolate at eight am.
Stringy-haired teen: I woke up at six, ate some, then went back to bed. Then I woke up at eight and finished it.
Trashy mom: Shut up and watch Martha Stewart.
–Dentist Office, Brooklyn
Young barista to another, peeling a banana: You like your women like you like your bananas.
–Bedford Ave
Man outside fry place: They don't sell watermelon here. I read the menu three times, and no watermelon.
–Pomme Frites, 2nd Ave
Dude on cell: Banana. Banana banana banana banana. Banana.
–Flatbush Avenue, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
30-something suit to another: If I'm hungry I'll eat a banana, but I can't eat more than one. Because bananas, like, annoy me.
–Metro-North Harlem Line
Employee: All natural mango juice, on sale for 66… no, 69 cents off the regular price.
(customer walks away, uninterested) Where do you think you're going?
–Whole Foods
Overheard by: Sac
Young teen boy #1: If you like the pussy, you gay nigga. You only straight if you like dick. Box-eatin' nigga.
Young teen boy #2: That's, like, the coolest shit I ever heard.
–Troutman & Central, Bushwick
Overheard by: john.ainley
Girl #1: My boyfriend is so romantic, he's taking me to a private wine-tasting!
Girl #2: Doesn't that violate your probation?
–5th & 7th, Brooklyn
Guido to another: She actually shaves between sex and shit.
–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Belladonna Wexhome
Middle-aged Guido: Nobody gives tricks any more, only treats. I remember when I was a kid. I used to get shaving cream in my face.
–78th St & West End
Overheard by: jess_stang
Guy coming out of Beeswax screening: I will not bow to the hegemony of the razor.
–BAM Cinemafest
Girl to friend and boyfriend: I definitely prefer a female gynecologist to a male one. Mine is a really old woman, and she's great! She just says to me, "I am shaving you." My lips are really big!
–E 7th St
Overheard by: Evan
Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Fonvielle
Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose.
–Ninja Japanese Restaurant
Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja?
–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jess
Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja!
–Brooklyn Health Center
Girl: I only remember things when I insult them!
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
College dude: I remember this place… We were here last night right before I blacked out!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Amanda
Girl on cell: Okay, if you're stopping by my house, remember to bring that shirt you borrowed from me. Mmm-hmm. By the way, your husband wants to get it on with another dude.
–Union Square
Woman on cell: Alright, honey, have a fun bachelor party. Just promise me you'll get shit-faced, fall-on-your-ass drunk so you can't remember any of those strippers. Okay?
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wait. What?
Eight-year-old boy, screaming before midnight: Haaaaappy New Yearrrrrrr! Haaaappy New Year!
Drunk partygoers across the street: Haaaaappy New Year!
30-something: This is so overwhelming.
–Ocean Parkway & Neptune
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
