Gramps: Those bags from the store…
(children and mother laugh).
Mother: You're talking very loud.
Gramps: What–are we in church? Did I wake somebody up?
(children and mother continue laughing)
Gramps: What did I do wrong? Should I go sit outside?
–Doctor's Office, Central Park West
Overheard by: Erick B
Guy to girl: I have a proprietary interest in your nipples.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Hobo coming out of cardboard box to group of blonde chicks: Run yo nipples!
–Blake St
Teenage girl: It's so fucking cold my nipples could pick up radio stations.
–Central Park
20-something Asian guy: But I know babies' nipples are so sensitive…
–Grand & Eldridge
Hobo, yelling at couple on the street: What the hell I look like to you? Huh?! I'm a gangsta! If I had three nipples and no legs, I'd still get laid! (shakes cane at them)
–41st & 8th
Overheard by: S&B at STJ
Bar hopper: Look at him! He's 20, but he sucks dick like he's 47!
–2nd Ave & 5th St
Overheard by: Christian
Girl on cell: I'm really mad that he's telling everyone I gave him head, and calling my mom a milf.
–West 72nd Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Will
Student on cell: I can't wait to put that in my mouth.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wait, What?
30-something to teen: I'm telling you: ignore a bitch and she'll be giving you head in a day.
–Central Park
Slutty girl: So after about five minutes, I took a break and my jaw was shaking.
–87th & 3rd
Crazy hobo: Look, I don't mean this in a sexual manner, but could you suck my dick?
–Times Square
Rangers fan, about two players who are brothers: No, they're like the same age. They've gotta be like four or five months apart.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: helenathegreat
Blonde to blonde friend, looking outside from Legally Blonde theater: Oh, wow, it's still light out.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jaime and Bridget
Girl to friend: I don't even know how long ago one minute ago was.
–New Year's Eve, Times Square
Overheard by: Kristina
Girl, pointing to turkey walking around: Look at the peacock, it's so pretty!
–Central Park
Lady on cell: I told her she was an ungrateful b-i-c-t-h!
–14D Bus
Overheard by: Evan Wilson
Girl #1: He made the most amazing spaghetti bolognese.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, I was so impressed, I slept with him.
–Campbell Apartment
Tween girl with huge wall of hair: I look like Hagrid.
Older sister: You look like the lovechild of Hagrid and Hermione. (pause) Actually, Hagrid is too big for that to happen.
Tween girl: You mean his body size? His butt?
Older sister: (laughing)
Tween girl: Ew! (pause) On a Sunday?
–Central Park
Girl #1: You're a leaky sink of sentiment.
Girl #2: What the fuck does that mean?
Girl #1: I don't know.
–Central Park
Man whore on cell: So for Christmas, I'm going to that strip club I met Susan at…just to do something special, ya know.
Religious woman: Because nothing says “I love my savior” like topless sluts and lap dances.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jasper
Black guy: Wanna see what I'm famous for?
Tourist: No, I don't want to see your penis.
–Central Park Entrance
Gay guy #1: Madonna's a bitch. She never returns my calls.
Gay guy #2: Wow, what a bitch.
–Central Park
