Born again Christian missionary: Do accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Power-suited woman: Do you accept my clitoris as yours?

–F Train

Overheard by: Formfaktor

Loud lady handing out pamphlets: Jesus is coming again!
Heckler: He didn't even come the first time! Humanity gave him the blue balls!

–Atlantic Ave Station

Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.

–R Train

Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: melissa

Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.

–Union Square

Overheard by: smoking on the stoop

Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.

–17th St & Broadway

Bible flier girl: Would you like a pamphlet to read about the good news of god?
Blind guy with walking stick: It's in Braille?
Bible flier girl: Oh, umm, no it's not.
Blind guy: You've got to be kidding.

–32nd & 7th

Overheard by: The WC

McDonald's cashier: You gonna eat all that yourself? Haven't you seen that movie Supersize Me?


Overheard by: Blayne

Thug: Yo, shorty, lemme buy you something special at McDonald's, show you I ain't a cheap date… why you laughin?

–117th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Jesse D

Obnoxious Southern tourist: Let's take a taxi back to the hotel, and then take the truck and eat at McDonald's again.

–W 49th & 5th

Overheard by: canucks

Haggardly old lady on cell: Damn, dude, I saw you at McDonald's checking me out yesterday!

–Broadway & 4th St

Overheard by: Jalex Leoley

Born-again evangelical, proselytizing: Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger!

–Staten Island Ferry

Bro: If she doesn't want to go to McDonald's every once in a while, I don't love her.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: alana h.

Tall long-haired, bearded man getting on bus through rear doors: Jesus on the bus!
(ten minutes later, as he gets off bus) Jesus walking!

–125th St, Harlem

Overheard by: Jonesy

Large black lesbian to friends going into a sex shop: I don't wanna see no dildos unless I'm being fucked!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: J.D.

Mormon girl, loudly agreeing with friend: Yeah, I know, I know! I didn't even know what a dildo was until I got here! Like, freshman year!

–Outside Lerner Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: But what about a vibrator?

Loudest black girl in group of loud black teens: What I recommend, to every fuckin' nigga, is the vibratin' cock ring.

–14th St, Outside Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Now curious about cockrings

Loud tourist girl: But Susan's butt-plug was only $75.

–Orchard & Rivington

Overheard by: MattyB

Man with thick Brooklyn accent on cell: I got the thing…yes the fuckin thing for the thing…yes, but I'm tellin' you the fuckin thing is definitely not big enough for her.

–31st St & 7th Ave

30-something woman to friend: So, between the time I got back from the meeting and the time you called me, I used my vibrator three times. (pauses and realizes everyone on the train is listening) Oh. Did I say that really loudly?

–D Train

Black guy: I’m Jesus!
Woman: No, you’re not.
Black guy: Lady, I’m Jesus!

–A train

Overheard by: LSB

Guy #1: So we went to a baptism yesterday.
Guy #2: Wait, you’re Catholic. Not Baptism. I’m Baptism.
Guy #1: You’re Baptist.

–Times Square

Shiksa girl #1: Oh, now I get it!
Shiksa girl #2: Get what?
Shiksa girl #1: Jews for Jesus. See, Jews don’t usually believe in Jesus, but these ones do.
Shiksa girl #2: That totally makes sense. That’s why they’re called “Jews for Jesus”!
Jewish dude: They’re not Jews. They’re Christians.
Shiksa girl #2: But it says “Jews for Jesus”!
Jewish dude: If you believe in Jesus, you aren’t a Jew.
Shiksa girl #1: I don’t get it.

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: Lauren Lerner