Guy on cell: Happy birthday! (pause) Okay, call me when you're drunk!
–45th St
Girl on cell: Then when I volunteered to give her to him on his birthday.
–Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Vincent L.
Crazy guy: I'm turning 65 tomorrow… Stayin' away from hoes…
–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Guy to friend: I am boycotting your birthday if I can see your butt cheeks in your outfit.
–23rd & 3rd
Teenage girl, showing mother some clothes: What do you think of these?
Mother: Are you planning to attend a funeral?
Teenage girl: Well, we have a lot of old people in our family.
–Loehmann's, Chelsea
Guy #1, wearing American Apparel sweater: Brr.
Guy #2: Man, I freaking hate American Apparel!
Guy #1: Yeah, this sweater's thin as hell!
Guy #2: No, I mean like they're all “American” Apparel” so they can sell to Americans, pretending to be made by Americans. Meanwhile, their clothes are being made in California!
–Elevator, St. George Hotel, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Crazy Person
The bartender is wearing a Blondie shirt.
Guy: Do you even know who Blondie is? Do you know who JFK is?
Bartender: Were you even alive when JFK was alive?
Guy: I’ll bet you were born in 1982.
Bartender: Did anyone ever tell you how charming you are?
Guy: No!
–The Library, Avenue A
Train conductor: If anyone sees a blue and yellow backpack, please give it to the train conductor. Jason has a test and he needs to study.
–4 Train
Overheard by: heather
Random guy walking into the ferry station: I figured if I took the test high, I'd get high scores.
–Staten Island Ferry Station
Overheard by: mindy
Professor: These pop quizzes are like making love: you don't get any points for speed, you get them for accuracy.
–Psych Class, Hunter College
Overheard by: I completely agree
Undergrad: I don't even want to look at my art history midterm yet, but if I don't know how I did, I'll go crazy! It's like a Catch-66! Anyway, I'm going to head back to my dorm and put on some pants.
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Teacher, guiding field trip: Don’t you look cute today, April?! I love your dress. I wish I could wear one like it.
Kindergarten girl: Maybe if you lost some weight, you could.
–L train
Girl #1: Look at that guy in the gray suit.
Girl #2: My sister knows him.
Girl #1: He's cute, what does he do?
Girl #2: I think he is a social worker.
Girl #1: Ah–full heart, empty wallet. (chuckles)
Girl #2: Oh man, that's cold.
Girl #1 (looking at girl #2 with surprise): What? if a certain lifestyle is important to you…we shouldn't pretend it isn't. I'm not kidding myself anymore.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Darren
Dude: Honestly, what was Jamie wearing?
Queer: Something slut-tacular?
Dude: I have a GAP-commercial of a closet. I need to loan her something to wear in public.
Queer: She really just needs to buy something that doesn’t show her cooch.
–Manhattan-bound L train
Overheard by: dead partier
Chick #1: Are you done?
Chick #2: Almost. I just have to take off my panties.
Chick #1: What?
Chick #2: I have to take them off because if I go home with wet panties and my man sees, he’ll kill me.
–Bathroom, Providence Lounge, 57th & 6th
Girl #1: I can’t believe you just felt me up!
Girl #2: I can’t believe you just pulled my shirt off!
Two guys nearby whip their heads around to look.
Girls: What are you looking at?!
–2nd St & Ave A
Overheard by: We all did
